taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Kitten868

Oh wowee! How exciting about the house! I really hopes it ticks the boxes and you can make an offer. 
Sorry about the anxiety inducing call from the hospital. The thing is though if it's something life changing like you anticipated like coeliac then they will want someone with her to talk through the changes she needs to make I'm guessing. Please get some sleep tonight xxxx

enthusiasticsaver

House and flat news sounds exciting.  Hope you manage a reasonable nights sleep after the hospital call.  Best not to worry until you know there is something to worry about but difficult I know. 

efes_shareholder

Good morning 
hiya , looks like we were a little premarture , the colonospy didnt show stomach cancer but we have been told this morning that the CT scan has found a tumour in mums pancreas - we have to go to the regional hospital to have it further assessed and find out what treatment is available , i'm digesting this right now , i'm not shocked , i'm not surprised but in hindsight we weren't in the clear until all the results were back.
There is a relief that at least we can begin to get some targeted treatments and something to help the symptons but its very unknown as to how bad it is , it hasn't spread but we were told that the tumour is resting on nerves and in a troublesome location and it was suggested that this may impact the treatments 
The house search for the moment is off , my house hasn't completed anyway so nothing lost - I won't be going anywhere for the moment , I can't do that right now. she had a funny turn yesterday and had to stop on the stairs due to dizziness and if I hadnt been here would have been stuck there. Today I'm focusing on the pratical sides of things , I've ordered a cordless phone so that if she is alone she can take the phone around the house with her and make any calls if she gets in to any difficulties. 
i'm waiting on a call from our assigned cancer nurse and just need to put my big girl pants on and carry on

Kitten868

Oh no. I'm so sorry. That's horrible. Cancer in a painful place. That's a lot to take on. I hope you are taking it easy on yourselves today. You'll be in shock and trying to do things isn't the best idea. There are things that help and when you feel ready you can contact Macmillan who are great at knowing what things help and what support there is. 
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't think you were silly for being positive. I think you're fantastic for being positive. Don't worry about not feeling that way now. Just look after yourselves and take it easy. Just getting through today is a win xxxx

kayannie

So sorry to hear the news about your mum. My mum had pancreatic cancer and I was devastated when I was given the news by her doctor. Even when you suspect the worst, it's still hard to take in. You"re wise to put your house search on hold for now as you have more than enough to deal with at the moment.
KA

efes_shareholder

thank you ladies 
It will happen eventually but for now my work here is not over , there are some challenges ahead and we will just have to see where the road takes us.
the first thing my mum did after the call was to apologise for being a burden !! Shes not a burden , shes my mum and she will need a good support network around her so I reassurred her that despite the house being up for sale i wouldn't be going anywhere right now 
I do have to make sure I get a balance and i still get my escape - I am not taking this all on alone and thankfully my sister seems to have taken this on board and stepped up a bit more even if occassionally I may need to tell her that I need her to do that.

DancingInTheRain

Sorry to hear that Efes, hugs to you and your Mum.
Definitely tell your sister to step up if needed in the future, it's important you look after yourself as needed as well as supporting your Mum.
Take care x

lucielle

Sending hugs Efes.
L

efes_shareholder

Thank you 
Dietician has been in touch and we already have some enzymes which will hopefully help mum to eat and retain some nutrients 
Also spoke to the cancer nurse and treatment pends on restoring mums health a bit and the scan which we do not know when we will have it.
Visited my auntie to tell her the prognosis, feel bad that the indication was given that she was in the clear when all the tests weren't back 

efes_shareholder

Todays been a tough day 
The reality of what we are dealing with is hitting home with a huge thud 
Mums dizzy spells are increasing , her strength is weakening and food is still going through her but now giving no warning when it wants to exit 
I need to get a bed downstairs as I absently let her take herself up to bed and she had a fall from the door to her bed and an accident, she's embarrassed but you know what it's only poo ! I've told her it washes up , it can be mopped , forget that ! 
I went over to Nm last night and cooked him some dinner for his late shift finish, I didnt put the TV on or anything I just sat enjoying the silence and getting my head round the last days 
I haven't gone tonight , I cant  - I'm chatting to my friend who lost her mum in November to the same cancer and realising how far down the line we are and what's to come 
I'm scared and I'm feeling helpless and out of my depth 
I need to contact organisations, get some help , some pain proper pain relief and some self care ❤