taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

feel really run down today , have tested and tested but all negative and waiting on a pcr to be back
im sure its just exhaustion and this time of year gets me like it every time

Our plans have once again changed , one of my future son in laws family who lives in the house we were meant to be going too has tested positive. its a big house and they have been isolating since wednesday but it would be silly to still attend when there is a risk that other occupants could be carrying it without yet knowing.
My kids are visiting my mum in the morning and then darting off to said household doorstep swoop  to collect our xmas dinner and we will be going to my daughters for the afternoon.
It does make the day a little more relaxed and my younger two can stay over after their journey and have a good evening together once I leave.

I'm just done with all I'm afraid.
There is no festive cheer and no reason to deck the halls and be jolly

Work is mute silence and I can get on with little jobs but I have no energy or inclination. 

Everything is wrapped , I should do the little things and just get it done and maybe just maybe nm and I will be able to grab a little nice dinner together if mum sleeps for an hour

I was so snappy with him yesterday and he really doesn't deserve it but I find I'm picking up on every insensitive thing that may be said , he popped by yesterday and said he had had a lazy day and i said I'd love the oppurtunity to have one but I know it ws said with a sarcastic twist 

Seasidegal58

I'm so sorry you are feeling down - as I have mentioned before I take my hat to you for all you do for your mum. 

I do hope that you and your man manage to spend some precious 'together' moments over the festive period. x

lucielle

Hi efes, hope you're having a relaxing time as best you can.
L

Buffythedebtslayer

Just sending you love, hope you had a decent time my lovely friend XXX 

Seasidegal58

Just popped in to wish you a happy New Year.🍾 X

efes_shareholder

thank you , a very happy new year to you too
@Buffythedebtslayer
@lucielle
@Seasidegal58

efes_shareholder

well , its been some time since I last updated , where do I start 

Xmas came and went , the day panned out ok , I got a good 5-6 hours out of the house and a night sitter that night although my sibling was gone so I had to come back to let them in etc and it would have been nice if she had offered to stay longer but I just have to accept that the balance will never be even.
Had quite a few marie curie sits and now it turns out that they had mum down as urgent and on end of life which isnt the case so i guess we will drop down the pecking order now but it was good whilst it lasted.

back to work today , honestly the last 10 days i dont know how i do it all when i have work too but somehow I do

havent spent much except to clear bills in the period between xmas and new year and a tank of fuel to take my son back north , he did offer to renumerate my expenses but i just cant accept it. 

Nm has pretty much stayed with me since xmas , he understands completely how totally restricted I am now , hes been great but its back to work now. we popped to the pub for a couple of hours on NYE to see 2 friends but other then that we are both happy to swerve people in general and try and avoid the rona threat.
his daughters tested positive a few days after xmas and he had seen them 72 hours before but have done a few PCR tests and flow tests and all negative so fingers crossed now we are past that. MY ex and the mad gf also have it , it just seems to be really doing the rounds and I want to avoid it more because it causes major headaches at home. 

started the new year with a penalty notice for going in to a ulez zone , not impressed that they dont give you a first warning . £80 fine , NM and I will split it , neither of us realised and its been so long since we went where we did we completely forgot as we just snuck inside the perimiters - robbing so and so's

Kitten868

Glad your christmas was 'ok'. Certainly more than you expected so that is something. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you. I am really hoping that this year brings what you need in the right way.

I hope you're not going to fall down the pecking order and your visits keep happening. They've been working so well. I am also glad that NM has been around so much for you and seeing how it is. Shows you might not being as sharp-tongued as you think you are.

Really, really hoping you continue to swerve this awful illness. Certainly has been circling dreadfully close. You've got your booster now and that really makes the difference. I am still in a total brain fog and can't seem to remember anything. It's making me very grumpy. I am wondering though if it is this pandemic. The constant hope and relief getting dashed. Each time I build myself up to a milestone of some fragment of 'my old life' that I am going to pursue - a trip to the shops or a day out doing a kid thing, nothing exciting, and it all ramps up again. I think it takes a massive toll. You are double trapped. You have to stay at home and you have someone who needs you to be at home. I really feel for you.

Sending you lots of love as always xx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Glad your christmas was 'ok'. Certainly more than you expected so that is something. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you. I am really hoping that this year brings what you need in the right way.

I hope you're not going to fall down the pecking order and your visits keep happening. They've been working so well. I am also glad that NM has been around so much for you and seeing how it is. Shows you might not being as sharp-tongued as you think you are.

Really, really hoping you continue to swerve this awful illness. Certainly has been circling dreadfully close. You've got your booster now and that really makes the difference. I am still in a total brain fog and can't seem to remember anything. It's making me very grumpy. I am wondering though if it is this pandemic. The constant hope and relief getting dashed. Each time I build myself up to a milestone of some fragment of 'my old life' that I am going to pursue - a trip to the shops or a day out doing a kid thing, nothing exciting, and it all ramps up again. I think it takes a massive toll. You are double trapped. You have to stay at home and you have someone who needs you to be at home. I really feel for you.

Sending you lots of love as always xx

I felt absolutely shocking after the booster , my arm hurt to move , I felt sick , my head throbbed and i just wanted to sleep , if it hadnt been for tests I would have thought I was getting the virus
I'm just not going to mix with anyone , treat it like the first lock down and just try and get through the peak months when i am usually ill anyway.

efes_shareholder

so today is already a challenge.
Woke up to find mums bed adjusted to pratically ceiling height and her thankfully in the arm chair , when i asked what happened she told me she woke up to it like it so she jumped out...................pretty sure she didnt.
She can barely stand unaided yet during the night she has attempted to wash her hair with washing up liquid !!! expect a full on cold within the next few days considering neither the heating nor the hot water was actually on 
Just highlights why these night sits are so so important.
Feel like I'm constantly telling her off or pulling her up but its more for her own safety then anything else 
Not acheived much work wise as its been busy busy busy with mum and a trip to the downstairs toilet , possibly 5 metres in distance took half an hour there and back.

Work is quite quiet and we now have a new person coming on board , this is great news m its a firend i have remained in contact with , who used to work at the company so already has an understanding of our systems and how things work. It also means when I return to working in the office it will be one week in 3 now rather then every other week.

My stomach problems have returned , I cooked curry on monday night and added the garlic and onions as you do with curry , they obviously cause me some discomfort so will be dodging these where possible 

Neice is 21 this week , transferred 30 over to my sibling for her present and aside from my life insurance DD , thats pretty much this month covered. 

Nice not to have the car direct debit this month but the xmas period means its just kept the current account at an even keel