taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

@Buffythedebtslayer I'm sorry your struggling , I think you hit the nail on the head , just some consideration , empathy , realisation of the sacrafices you are making go a long way , Under no circumstances do I expect that to be from my mum although she does often tell me how much she appreicates me , its other members of the family that will tell everyone how tough their life is when really they only scratch the surface
My sister hasnt been in since Friday morning which was the agreement but the sad thing is as much as I thought I would be overwhelmed by now , I'm not , it really hasn't made much difference to me at all - that just really brings home to me just how much I do all the time.
Mums been really sleepy the last few days and wants the heating on constantly , I notice things are changing - I'm apprehensive that I won't get my weekend off , my sister has told me to go whatever the situation and it is only a few hours away but I hope she just stays as she is until my break is over and doesn't decline further as I dont want to have to make a call on whether I should go., I just know I need it.

I've put my weekend to good use , I've scrubbed the bathroom once again , I dont think I can make it any better then it is but its pretty usable now. I've given mums room a heavy mop through and closed the door on it , I've mopped the upstairs hallways , cleaned all the spills and horrible marks off the doors , I've taken 7 bags of rubbish to the dump including 4 bags of linen which I cleared from the airing cupboard which is now organised instead of just shoved in
I;ve cleaned my room , changed my bedding , and applied new vinyl tops to my battered bedside cupboards , its made all the difference. 
I need to get someone to come and shift the toilet seat , its seared off but the screws are so tight I cannot move them 

I need to send the jackets back to very 

spent this weekend on the vinyl for my cupboards but well worth it and a spend with my cousin in savers as I need new make up , I rarely wear it and haven't for 18 months but will on my weekend
Need to also book a nail appt , they are battered so I'm giving them time to breath and fix up a bit 

efes_shareholder

£14.10 interest on the 83k sat in my esavers account.
Doesn't really seem much all things considered but it gets me closer to the magic 136k target , its such a shame you can't hold more then 50k in prem bonds as they have produced £175 in 3 draws.

Work has been relentless today , sister is coming in at 5 to take over , I make that 79 hours of time when she hasn't had to come here so I will be making sure my weekend is a similar amount and I won't be rushing to come home !!!!!!!

efes_shareholder

todays word ...............tired

went over to NM's last night and trialled a new recipe for chicken saag , it was a keeper and theres some left over for him to enjoy this week , all spices and water so no extra sugars , salts or additives , just the way I like to eat.

Sister clocked back on for duty at 5pm , she makes me laugh sometimes , she posted on social media about the lack of support ( mainly saying we needed overnight help , which incidently I don't agree with but it makes life easier if someone does it other then her having too ) and then spent 4 days posting pictures of all the fun she has been having on social media , some really don't stop to think about how they are projecting themselves

Mum is without doubt becoming weaker , losing a bit of appetite and sleeping more but shes still got her humour , I am hoping and praying that we don't see a huge shift in the next 7-10 days as I am so looking forward to getting away and it would just my luck to be left with having to question myself as to whether I really should , kind of wish my respite had come first as there is no gaurentee that I'll get it !!

Glasses have snuck in just in time on this months monthly spends card  , I was hoping for another month so I could divide the cost but it is what it is.
Will be a big bill this month so will hope to hold on to as much wage as possible to soften the blow

Tonight I must walk to the shop , buy some vape fluid and return the unwanted jackets before I forget to do it and it becomes a big issue

Have booked all day off for funeral at end of week , I have 3 different people doing a caring shift - I just don't think my family have an empathy for how my life is and the restrictions and difficulties but I guess my sibling may have a better idea when I've had 4 days off !!

efes_shareholder

managed to return unwanted jackets , good job done

have ordered my nephews xmas gift as it ships at considerably less cost from overseas so again another good job done

Marie Curie have again called and offered a night sit , again mums not buying in to it - to be fair I dont feel claustraphobic today and they couldn't arrive until10 at which point I wouldnt want to be going anywhere so it potentially wouldnt have worked , I did suggest we trial it with me here and then im around if she doesnt like it but she just scrunched her face up ..................I dont think mums gonna go with the idea any time soon but when things really progress she may not have much option.

have had to write mums routine down for friday , such planning

its that middle of the month not much moves time , all the bills are paid , its a matter of holding on to as much wage as possible
Have my nails booked in for tomorrow , havent had them done for ages and they are disgracefully tatty , also have my hair being done on saturday and my car is telling me its 200 miles until it needs servicing so I dont think I will have the chance to save much at all.

Kitten868

Cor blimey. 

Right. You are having your 4 days off. No ifs, no buts. You need it. You will be a better carer for it. You are no good to anyone if you are completely burnt out. You have no way of knowing what things are going to look like and for how long so take the break. I do think you need more breaks but I totally understand the pressure to do more. 

Sorry your mum is refusing the help. 

Keep going wonderful lady. Well done on the returns. It's weird how quickly you feel like you've kept the stuff for too long xxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Cor blimey. 

Right. You are having your 4 days off. No ifs, no buts. You need it. You will be a better carer for it. You are no good to anyone if you are completely burnt out. You have no way of knowing what things are going to look like and for how long so take the break. I do think you need more breaks but I totally understand the pressure to do more. 

Sorry your mum is refusing the help. 

Keep going wonderful lady. Well done on the returns. It's weird how quickly you feel like you've kept the stuff for too long xxx

Mum seems to have perked back up however my mind is set on having mr break regardless , I’ve been the best daughter I can be these last 8 months and will continue to be so but I’m entitled to some time off and I absolutely deserve it 
I’ve told my sister I don’t want to be contacted unless it’s an emergency and hopefully she will respect that 

efes_shareholder

Haircut today 
I have had a little sort out of my clothes for the weekend 
upset my fancy size 12 jeans won’t fit my big backside in them ……. A little reminder to lay off the wine and try and get back in the gym even if only twice a day 
haircut today , nails have been done and then I need to pop to primark for some neck wear and trainer socks 
funeral yesterday , hundreds of people , very touching
had time to stop for dinner before I needed to get home which was a nice way to end the day 
uncle and niece managed well with mum and her instruction book , showed sister and I that it is ok to tap in to other people sometimes x 

efes_shareholder

today i'm tired
went to a music festival yesterday with friends , something quite liberating about dancing in the rain
got away with just a £4 spend as my friend smuggled rum in and we ran out of mixers.
was a late one though so i'm quite tired today.
bank account is looking ok , NM is driving his car to our weekender as we can get more in it so just some drinks to take care off , will divide that between the two of us.
I do have a hefty card bill to take care of though as my glasses were over £300 , really disapointed they didnt make it on to next months statement 
car is also due a service , i seem to have a slow puncture so i'll have to allow for a replacement for that too.
Then there is the dreaded C word looming just round the corner

Mum seems to have stabilised again so I'm optomistic that the weekend should be trouble free , her pain has gone up but its manageable with a top up on the morphine. 

efes_shareholder

booked an extra day annual leave to get everything ready for the weekend , short notice didnt go down well but i have lots of unspent holiday to use by xmas so its in their interest

please everybody keep everything crossed that mum remains the same and my weekend actually happens. 
can't help be a worry wart over it

Marie Curie called and they have taken us off of their list because we have refused twice despite being told it wouldnt go against us so now I need another referal from district nurse , bit fruitless when mum wont buy in to it

got another delivery to collect , lacking evening wear , tops mainly and upset that some of my jeans that I wore in the height of my gym days are not fitting - most of the items will be going back but as I can't really get to the shops it has to be this way

Paid £21.50 to avon which is between my sister , mum and I and £45 of lager and tequila rose for the weekend. Bank still looks ok , dodging the car service hopefully until payday 

lucielle

Everything crossed here!
L