taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

I'm so happy to hear you had your lovely weekend. And also glad that your daughters party went well without any control from crazy gf. Sounds like she's marrying into a nice family. 
I'm sorry it's been harder on your mum this week. None of it is easy, is it? Sounds like the oramorph is doing the best it can though and that's why she's sleeping so much. 
Could you book a week off work anytime soon? You said you have leave you need to use and I think you could do without one of your jobs for a bit. I know it wouldn't be time off but could be just less to have to fit into a day for long enough you might catch up on yourself with sleep. 
I'm so impressed with how strong and resilient you are still for your mum. No wonder you have no space to grieve with everything else you have to do. Sending you love and strength xxx

its good advice , i've been reluctant to do so as i cant go anywhere or do anything due to my sister being at work , sometimes work kills the boredom of feeling tied to the house and at least gives me something to fill the day with
The problem is , I never know if work will be calm or mad or if mum will be having a few good or a few bad days.
I'm saving it just in case the oppurtunity to have a holiday arises but at some point it will have to be used

efes_shareholder

funny , ive just had my boss on the phone re my annual leave , I still have 7.5 days to take before december and the availabilty in the calender is becoming quite limited 
I need to put them down , looking at things ,there isnt a week when I could go away even if mum has left us before then and NM isn't double vacced so that creates its own problems
I may put one or two down next week as my sister isnt coming in because she has the week off to do some family stuff for half term , I have two weekends in November in exchange but it will probably end up that I dont need her and she gets her week anyway
going over to NM's later so will talk to him then , maybe I'll just book it as far in advance as possible and then see what happens.
Mum isn't particulary hungry today , is slightly agitated , a bit snappy with me , I'm not sure if its today that macmillan are calling , she usually calls when I finish work around 5 , hopefully I'll get a private word in with her. 

efes_shareholder

so the hefty car service snuck on to this months credit card bill , I think I'm just gonna cover it via savings which is what they are for else I will feel constantly poor.
If I cover it from my wages ,then xmas will come from my savings so its one or the other right?? 

Have my appt with a gyno next week , some blood tests organised by the dr and have ordered a food diary as I embark on converting to low fodmap , I've cut lactose already as well as the wheat in bread in pasta and strangely my stomach has already improved , I now just have headaches and constant joint and muscle aches so much so I am pretty sure I have to be right in the middle of the menopause , its either that or I am turning in to a health anxious hypocondriac , I have a blood test to try and determine menopause status next month and have ordered some test kits of amazon however reading the reviews of these they aren't much kop so I may actually just cancel.
I started the night sweats around 3 years ago and things have got progressively worse , at least if I knew I was defo menopausal I would have some answers and stop worrying.

Anyway , last night went to NM's , I think I am spoiling him as during the course of the day yesterday I have cooked him Chicken Fajitia pie , Beef stew and dumplings and left a portion of Chicken Dopiaza which ws a new dish I cooked for the first time yesterday which was absolutely banging , He will now eat well for his week on shift , hes put on a bit of weight lately and is not happy about it so a bit unprocessed vegetable rich cooking may help him out. Its my little way of showing him I care even when I can't be there.

Creidt report rolled in this morning , My balances are 66% of what they were 3 months ago , its not updated correctly yet so its really below that , theres £1150 on the tesco card and £426 in car payments - the end is now really in sight , for the first time since about 2004 I shall be debt free ................until I get a mortgage. Feels kind of weird as theres this conception that everyone lives in debt right ? Everyones got something on the never ? its certainly something thats always been a part of my working life

Kitten868

You're currently debt neutral which is totally fab but actually paying them off will feel magical. I added up how much goes our to debt each month and its staggering. Its mostly things that you could call expenses like car payments. But its not really, is it. But like you say we are conditioned to think its normal. 

Are you taking any vitamins for the menopause? I think its vitamin b12 or something. It can't hurt. 

And you are loving. You do so good with feeding all your loved ones. They each benefit from it. Xxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

You're currently debt neutral which is totally fab but actually paying them off will feel magical. I added up how much goes our to debt each month and its staggering. Its mostly things that you could call expenses like car payments. But its not really, is it. But like you say we are conditioned to think its normal. 

Are you taking any vitamins for the menopause? I think its vitamin b12 or something. It can't hurt. 

And you are loving. You do so good with feeding all your loved ones. They each benefit from it. Xxx

I take a vitamin B supplement as well as calcium and magnesium, black cohosh , flaxseed oil and aloe Vera juice , oh and turmeric and peppermint oil
I don’t know if it’s doing me any good but it certainly doesn’t do me much harm 

I pay around 500 a month in debt payments , at some point that’s probably what my mortgage payment will be so I guess maybe I need to get conditioned to not having it 
The one thing that resonates with me with the debts payments is that this money was spent years ago on what , I’ve long since forgotten 

efes_shareholder

Today doesn't look like a good day 

Mum had a bad night , shes extremely constipated and none of the usual remedies are working
shes slept all morning and looks terrible and doesn't want anything to eat and can't be coherced

just been donw to try and tempt her with a sandwich and she is asleep again so I'm waiting for Macmillan to call me with advise , mum suggested we call the dr's but i'll see what macmillan say

She asked if she could have a day off from the carers today as she didn't want to see anyone ,told her can't really do that on a weekday as I have to work and can't take 45 minutes out to set her up for the day 

Sister isn't coming in until this afternoon due to work , she has all off next week off for halt term as I have 2 weekends in November ( which incidently I can't see mum being here for ) If mum stays as she is or further declines I'll find it extremely selfish if she continues with her plans not to come at all next week

one thing I have learnt is that there are varying levels of sacrafice within people - I'm not even sure how her being out mon - fri levels up with my two weekends when ultimately I am here every day and she is not !

Anyway , lets see how the day pans out and what macmillan have to say , mum can barely get herself in to bed or the chair and is needing more and more help with basic tasks

I've spent £50 this morning at uniqlo , a jacket my daughter has asked for for xmas has been ordered along with some breathable underwear for the boys , my daughters fiance is so difficult to buy for so its best to get them now , also a bit concerned about the rumours of xmas shortages , glad i don't have small children anymore with specific wants 

WinterWarrior

I’m sorry it’s so tough. I hope your mum feels a bit better.
I agree 5 days can’t match up to your 4 days…and hers are all together, not split up..and you are there all the time. Your sister needs a good hard think about it, but I understand it will be very hard to raise it without sounding argumentative and having her on the defensive, when it’s not really about that ☹️

Well done on starting your Christmas presents nice and early. 

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry your mum is  having a bad day and hope Macmillan can help. Whilst your mum undoubtedly would rather it was just you or your sister caring for her I would accept any help Macmillan offer you for your own sanity.  It is important you accept the help as working full time whilst being a carer for the majority of the time is tough especially as your mum is able to do less and less for herself.  Sorry your sister still seems to be closing her eyes to the fact that she has an escape for most of the week whereas you have very little escape time. Are you able to at least get out and about for a walk for an hour or so or is your mum not able to be left alone at all? 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

Sorry your mum is  having a bad day and hope Macmillan can help. Whilst your mum undoubtedly would rather it was just you or your sister caring for her I would accept any help Macmillan offer you for your own sanity.  It is important you accept the help as working full time whilst being a carer for the majority of the time is tough especially as your mum is able to do less and less for herself.  Sorry your sister still seems to be closing her eyes to the fact that she has an escape for most of the week whereas you have very little escape time. Are you able to at least get out and about for a walk for an hour or so or is your mum not able to be left alone at all? 

Macmillan only offer phone help , marie curie do a night sitting service but so far mum has been against this as its strangers in the house and I do get that 
I can nip out for an hour or so as long as I don't go too far but very often I just want to go to  bed and chill out. 
My sister is just selfish by nature , she has always been very much about herself in everything , not sure if that will ever change unless she does a week in my shoes and I just pop in as and when 

its been a challenging day and she came by after her shift , stating I'm just popping in...........she ended up having to take over for a good hour or so as mums been quite needy today

efes_shareholder

WinterWarrior said:

I’m sorry it’s so tough. I hope your mum feels a bit better.
I agree 5 days can’t match up to your 4 days…and hers are all together, not split up..and you are there all the time. Your sister needs a good hard think about it, but I understand it will be very hard to raise it without sounding argumentative and having her on the defensive, when it’s not really about that ☹️

Well done on starting your Christmas presents nice and early. 

I've tried raising it in the past but because it doesn't affect her the same way she can't really comphrend , all she understands is the amount of juggling she does with work/home and here but she does get to go home and she gets to go to work. I do have a spreadsheet with the hours spent caring on , just in case I ever get any kind of backlash on my expectations

Its anal but basically if the care was equal I'd have a huge amount of hours owed without having to give any back but I appreicate she needs some relax time and it looks like she is more then prepared to make sure she has it