taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

I know it is awful but honestly the only way it seems possible to get any help is for the live in carers (yourself) to say you are unable to cope and force the authorities to admit your mum to some kind of social services/hospice care.  Awful situation and  I daresay you are seeing that as a last resort but for my 86 year old mum the way she got some help was for my stepdad with advanced dementia to have a fall and be admitted to hospital where sadly he died a few weeks later. I know that does not help you but it seems a fact that at the moment if people are seen to be coping (even if they are at the end of their tether) they are left to get on with it.  If you walked out the door tomorrow they would have to sort something out. Of course you are trying to keep your mum happy but it does seem as if that is at the expense of your mental and physical health. 

you have hit the nail right on the head , that is the only option
the type of help we need just does not exist
Whilst mum may agree to a hospice , she is currently not classed as end of life so macmillan wont entertain it and as much as a care home is something I would much rather not use as its against her wishes if it becomes too much it will have to be considered 

Elisheba

efes_shareholder said:

Todays been slightly better on both work and home fronts 

Hi Efes. 

I'm new to your diary and it sounds awful for you right now.  I would speak to your employer, and if they aren't helpful then speak to your Doctor and get signed off with stress.  I know you've said that work at least breaks the monotony of being in the house, but if you are stressing because you aren't getting things done properly then it sounds like its not doing you much good. 

At least if you had the time off then you would have less to do, and could fit in some more activities just for you.  Even things like websurfing or a bit of colouring in would fill the time, and be much less stressful than trying to work and look after your mum at the same time.

Failing all that, just keep pushing for a hospice place.  They do come up and can be lovely places.  My dad was in one for quite a while when he was ill, but actually rallied round and was able to come home for a bit before he died.

Kitten868

I wish someone could scoop you up and look after you both for the day. Tell you how well you're doing and how strong you are. Your mum must be so proud of you. I know it feels like a sinking ship but its not. You've pulled everything together and made the absolute best of this journey for your mum. You've made all the right choices and advocated for her at every turn. You still find the strength in your heart to cook good meals for your loved ones and get excited about nights out.

I hope this foodmap stuff starts falling into place and you find a way that works. And I'm not surprised that that the adenomyosis is probably causing your issues. Would you consider hysterectomy? I think I'm ready to accept one. Lesser of evils. Can get by without your womb but not without your bowels. I'm trying to prepare what to say if I ever get to see a gynaecologist. Mad the number of conversations you have to have in your head. Especially for you! 

Xxxxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

I wish someone could scoop you up and look after you both for the day. Tell you how well you're doing and how strong you are. Your mum must be so proud of you. I know it feels like a sinking ship but its not. You've pulled everything together and made the absolute best of this journey for your mum. You've made all the right choices and advocated for her at every turn. You still find the strength in your heart to cook good meals for your loved ones and get excited about nights out.

I hope this foodmap stuff starts falling into place and you find a way that works. And I'm not surprised that that the adenomyosis is probably causing your issues. Would you consider hysterectomy? I think I'm ready to accept one. Lesser of evils. Can get by without your womb but not without your bowels. I'm trying to prepare what to say if I ever get to see a gynaecologist. Mad the number of conversations you have to have in your head. Especially for you! 

Xxxxx

I'll snap his hand up for a hysterectomy if it gets rid of the constant pain in my side
I really can't think of any other thing that could be causing it

I'm peeved that its a phone consultation despite my letter giving me instructions for a face to face

efes_shareholder

thank you for all your suggestions and advice

I don't know if I have PMT or what but I am exremely sensitive and delicate and snapping at all the wrong people.

Sitting here even thinking about the situation at work , some days its managabe , other days not so but I'm annoyed that everybody around me whether family or organisations are quite happy to heap the pressure of this house upon me and let me asorb the lions share.

Its me who has to potientally jeopardise her position at work and ask for understanding / flexibility why can't other family members do the same ?? 

I've had a good nights sleep and I still feel so emotionally vulnerable , I am fed up with the expectations on me 

I got up relatively early and cleared away various glasses and mugs that mum had obviously filled in the night , did her tea which went cold and then went back to do her breakfast ...............and a fresh tea.
Came and did some work and went down to do my breakfast and wash up this mornings breakfast things and put a wash on ...............shes been back in the fridge got a bottle of coke , poured it in to the cold tea cup ( why??) dropped the bottle and lid to the foot of the bed which have sent me flying when I've stood on it and lost my balance and almost gone flying , asked what was in the cup , got told coke and tea? , she complains to the macmillan lady that the house is a mess when she creates most of it and I pick it up ! Its impossible to keep tidy downstairs as her bed ,, clothes , personal affects , walking aids , commode etc now occupy any living space we have , we have one armchair in the lounge 
I am going to have to insist that any further days my sister has away do not take place on a day or in this case week when I still need to work , for someone so ill mum creates an awful lot of work within the house 
I know shes ill but it annoys me that she can manage to fetch things from the kitchen if need be but can't manage to put things in the bin 
Its as if the fairies come along and pick up after her.

I think this house and my own company and lack of adult interaction are sending me stir crazy 

I feel let down by friends who I considered close , who haven't checked in forever , I know we all have our own stuff going on but it has really made me assess who my real friends are and I won't forget 
They will get a lesser version of me shoudl this situation ever be reversed

efes_shareholder

feeling slightly better last few days , think I'm over my moment of feeling overwhelmed , maybe it was the simple thing of getting out of the house

sister came back in this morning , have told her going forward , days off will have to be when I am not working as it is too much to supervise mum and work and right now , she needs supervision 

Had my blood test and phone consultation , initially I felt I was being fobbed off and the consultant basically suggested I had a coil , once I'd explained the reason I didn't want one and also the array and level of my pain he agreed to organise a MRI with a view to a hysterectomy should it show to be the culprit - feel like finally getting somewhere 
He said he could hear in my voice the impact the pain was having on my quality of life.
He said the MRI shouldn't be too long a wait , I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere 

I did have a bottle of wine to celebrate and bought mum some flowers to apologise for being such a grump this week so £11 spend , the bank balance is looking ok for rest of month but I do have a big bill due to car service so the more left over the softer the blow.

 my heat pad has arrived and is helping and the diet change seems to have eased things up ever so slightly 

Tomorrow I'm hoping to get out for lunch with NM , Sunday our football teams play each other so I want to stay home and watch those but he wants to go out.

Kitten868

Wahey! Brilliant news about doctors for you. They better not even try and suggest the coil to me - I will not be trying that a third time. Hideous contraption. And I am glad the diet is making a difference. I have actually got my appointment through too, end of January. So there is still things going on.

Your mum does have a nerve moaning about cleanliness when she's the one getting up and flinging coke all over the place. I hope you havent injured yourself falling like that. And you're right. She could use the bin while she is up.

Have a lovely time watching football tomorrow xxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Wahey! Brilliant news about doctors for you. They better not even try and suggest the coil to me - I will not be trying that a third time. Hideous contraption. And I am glad the diet is making a difference. I have actually got my appointment through too, end of January. So there is still things going on.

Your mum does have a nerve moaning about cleanliness when she's the one getting up and flinging coke all over the place. I hope you havent injured yourself falling like that. And you're right. She could use the bin while she is up.

Have a lovely time watching football tomorrow xxx

great news that you have an appt too , i did have to be wait a fair bit of time for this one and bang my fist on the table but i've now got a mri results appt for the 25th nov so im optomistic i'll be getting that scan soon .........not sure if they will put me forward for hysterectomy , lets wait and see 

efes_shareholder

well its been an eventful weekend

sister was at work all day saturday so just me , didnt start well as mum took a short walk without her walking frame and took a fall. annoyed as i have been constantly reminding her about the frame and had only gone to the kitchen to make a sandwich so what she wanted really wouldn't have meant a very long wait.
Surprisingly I managed to get her back on her feet ( with the help of the stairs which I gradually lifted her up until she had enough height to get to her feet ) , checked her over and she has a small cut and bruise on her elbow but other then that unscathed , If I had had to call someone I know they would have wanted her in to hospital where she doesn't want to be , she didnt bang her head or black out so I didnt go against her wishes.
shes a bit sore as she would be but ok 
it has however dented her confidence massively , she wanted help too and from the toilet , in and out of bed and NM came to take me out to eat saturday evening , usually she would fall asleep but she didnt and I'm sure she was waiting up for the reassurance that I was home - I was in two minds about going but after a week in this house , I also really needed to get out

Yesterday turned out to be a bit of a surprise  , got offered 2 free tickets to the game we were planning to watch on the tv , I ummed and ahhed about whether we could make it and finally we thought what the hell lets just go , so got on the train an hour before kickoff and in to our seats 2 minutes after the game had started
train fare was £19 for  both of us , car park £5 which i covered as im quicker then NM and we were in a rush  , NM then bought us dinner after the game as his team had won so considering had we bought tickets which we had considered ( £65 each ) it was a pretty good value day out.
Even though I had to sit in the opposing fans seats and remain relatively quiet , match days are my happy place and I absolutely love the buzz of a match day and the anticipation around it.

I've come home at 7.30am this morning as sister on a 12 hour shift and NM went to work early and its easier then trying to rush back to mum once the carer has been , an old work friend of mums is visiting this morning so I'm glad she will have some alternative company 

enthusiasticsaver

Good you managed to get out yesterday.