taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

CRANKY40

I'd start by calling the hospice and telling them that you need help. They have services other than respite that you can access and they are probably better placed to give advice than your doctor. 

efes_shareholder

CRANKY40 said:

I'd start by calling the hospice and telling them that you need help. They have services other than respite that you can access and they are probably better placed to give advice than your doctor. 

We are due a call from macmillan today so I will start with them and go from there , thank you x 

efes_shareholder

pleasant surprise in this months wage packet £500 bonus , such a shame the tax man takes a lot of it but its better then a kick in the teeth , also an annual rise of £780 , again in current climate not to be sniffed at.
going to help alot to get me back on target as I feel like I've been a bit off on the money management and not really budgeting as such , think August got completely thrown off by the purchase of the new phone. 
Have reduced the tesco d/d this month to £150 as I thought the £300 would be a bit of a challenge but will see how we end the month with the extra cash injection and maybe make some adjustments
I do have nails , hair and a weekender this month ( all being well as alot depends on mum) so the extra will help get all the ducks in a row again and back on track.

Had my phone consultation and finally the dr has agreed that they need to see me for an examination ........................only taken 9 months of constant pain but its progress and I'll gladly accept.

Booked an eye test as been getting headaches and I never bought new glasses when needed last year so absolutely need to get them checked out. 

Had a nice chilled out evening at NM's , had a takeaway and a glass of wine , watched the football and then I was acsolutely shattered and could just about keep my eyes open.

Told my mum about viewing the masionette and she went in to panic about me moving out , explained this will not happen but as it stands its unlikely I will be able to keep our house as the values are just going up too much and my deposit or what i can borrow aren't , its almost appealling thinking buy something smaller and then look to get a foot on the buy to let ladder and maybe set myself up for a more comfortable lifestyle although technically buying the most I can afford and downsizing when I'm retirement age is the same thing.
lots to think about , however did drive past the place I was viewing last night and can't say I was blown away , the location is fine but potentially parking is a major issue.
I'll reserve judgement until I've viewed but there was also a builder type van sizing the place up and at the price its listed for I expect there will be a few looking to fix it up and rent it out so if it becomes a bidding war I'm out anyway. 

waiting on macmillan call , neighbours popped in today and offered to take mum over to theres for a littlle while( they have a chair better then ours ) for a change of scenery etc , accepted their offer hopefully monday when im here all day by myself. 
they also have a contact of a charity who installs ramps as they have a disabled son so if we could get one installed that would mean at least we could get mum out in the fresh air a bit better

efes_shareholder

Had a conversation with Macmillan , told them I was struggling and worn out and basically what I was told albeit briefly until she moved on was that in order to get respite the only option is for mum to have a stay in a care home
firstly that’s gonna cost a fortune and secondly I don’t think mum would ever agree so unless there’s anything else out there looks like it just tough.
I’ve found the lack of support quite eye opening , I know most are charity based etc but they seem to spend more time plugging their coffee mornings on tv , they might be fantastic for other people in other areas but I’ve not found them greatly helpful.
she wasn’t overly  interested in mums confusion , told me pancreatic cancer rarely affects the brain , it’s not impossible but it’s unlikely 
she’s arranging another blood test and was dismissive when I suggested a urine test but eventually agreed to ask the GP when I said it was worth checking even if to discount it 
She then gets on the phone to mum very briefly who tells her everything’s fine and she’s even gained 4lb ( she hasn’t been weighed for some time ) and she’s off the phone swiftly as it’s bank holiday weekend and will call next week

i bought some pukka sleep tea to go with my nytol , first impressions a waste of four quid , had both last night around 9 , fell asleep at about 11 only to be awake at half 12 , considering dropping another nytol but did get back to sleep without one 

I’m not feeling overly great , think health anxiety is returning , got a rash come up on my calf , lots of people get rashes but I’m Googling everything from meningitis to skin cancer ……… I really need to stop that 

if it’s till there for my long awaited go visit I will mention it to the dr and let them take a look rather then researching sinister causes 

have had to decline several social invites this weekend as sister is working a lot of it , I know people are only trying to be helpful but I’m finding that they look for a solution for me to be able to attend rather then just accept that it’s not possible , a friend who moved away is back in the area for her bday and only announced this midweek , sent an invtitation for a birthday meal and told me I had better get my bum there , she’s full of her own importance anyway but she was lucky I didn’t tell her to do one after sending that in a group chat when I said I wouldn’t be able to make it
another has a garden party , it’s a good hours journey and I have no cover until Monday evening , she’s calling me to come then just for an hour , you know maybe I’d just like to chill out or go for a nice meal rather then spend more time travelling too and from your event then i will actually spend attending just so you can portray your friends and your popularity over social media …….. maybe people mean well and I’m just becoming cynical but even when I explain to people I’m reluctant to commit to events ( particulary if there’s a cost ) they are still trying to coherce me in to accepting - yes it’s nice to be asked but I’m a grown up and I can decide for myself what im able to do.

today is not a free day and I’m not feeling motivated but I should try and get things done , I may even try and tackle the disgusting bathroom but I’m not sure if that will make me fed up when it’s unsuccessful 

CRANKY40

https://www.wirralhospice.org/about/

This is the link for our local hospice showing services available. I've looked at a few others and they're similar. Contact the hospice direct, they'll be able to give you better advice.

efes_shareholder

I’ll get on google
maybe the Macmillan nurse is only referring to the Macmillan hospice 

efes_shareholder

So carved a bit of time put yesterday but not feeling energised 
Mum was quite settled , NM Popped down and we collected my bargain garden chairs and put them in the garage 
dropped birthday gift to the friend hosting a birthday evening for my visiting friend , picked up supplies in savers to finally attempt to tackle the bathroom ( tomorrow I promise ) and grabbed a quick lunch in spoons but the whole time I’m clock watching 
also did a drive through past the property I’m viewing next week , he thinks it’s worth a look as it’s on a no through road and has a garden and all the works look superficial. 

The prospect of maybe buying within budget and using any inheritance to work for me and make life more comfortable is quite appealing , alternatively I stay here and have a house but all my eggs are in the one basket and there is nothing to fall back on , I guess it’s the same as downsizing further down the line 
I need to just give some thought to things but it’s certainly exciting to view something locally that potentially fits the bill and leaves money to renovate to my tastes 

today I’m full of hay fever and headachey, my chest feels mucusy or rather my sinuses do so I’ve medicated and hope it passes enough to get a few jobs done before my escape 
washing machine is currently on its 2nd cycle and I need some breakfast 
not yet decided if we are going out or staying in today but think we will venture somewhere , there’s some all day garden mini festivals on so if the weather holds out we will pick one of those 

efes_shareholder

got over to NM's about lunch time and watched the football and then we went to an event at the pub for a few hours , it was nice to see a few familiar faces but felt a bit like a wedding reception so we stayed for a couple of hours and then went for dinner , it was quite nostalgic as we went to the first resturant that NM ever took me too, we reminisced about what we have been through in the last 2 years or so , the interference from my ex , the meddling from his , how had our past relationships not have happened we may not have crossed paths etc. Overall its been a pretty good 2 years and although we have had challenges , we haven't argued , we haven't fallen out at any time , its quite refreshing as most of my past relationships have felt toxic or one sided and although he has had his faults and hasn't always dealt with everything the right way , for the first time in as long as I can remember I feel like I am in a relationship with someone who only wants the best for me and has no ulterior motive. 
Anyway now thats the soppiness over.

Came back early this morning , mum seems ok , I started the bathroom yesterday and after using a bottle of bleach , bathroom foam , bathroom cleaner and disinfectant , its still a work in progress until more supplies arrive with the shopping tomorrow.
It will never be perfect or relaxing but if mums no longer using it herself I can at least try and make it functional 
Need a new toilet seat , I dont want anyone in there so I'll have to learn to do that myself.

Stuck my head around mums door and realised what an absolute mess her room is , so when my sister arrived I gifted her the job of trying to get it as straight as it can be , shes done a pretty good job. I can honestly say I do not know anyone who has cared as little about her surroundings and has such a lack of care for her possessions as my mum. Its quite frankly shocking and I can't decide whether its been down to her mental health or she just could not be bothered. 

Today my daughter is popping in , the neighbours mentioned taking mum over to them for a few hours but i dont know if that will happen .
Im back to NM's tonight and undecided whether to take the journey to visit our friends , it seems like such an effort but then its also good to get out.

Payday tomorrow , I literally cannot wait to see a cash injection in to my bank account , I just want to look at it a while 

efes_shareholder

payday !! fantastic , it seems like such a long time since the last one and I can't believe I made £50 last from the 13th August !!
Hopefully this month my account will feel slightly more loved and not so neglected.

Have paid my everyday spend card , need to stop the habit of using it , its basically stretching myself out and not budgeting correctly and there isn't much need to do so , it needs to just be taken out in case of emergancy. 

Went over to NM's yesterday evening , we decided against it even more so when we recieved the call that a good friend of his had sadly had a heart attack and passed away , the whole of our friendship group is in mourning , he really was the nicest man you will ever meet but sadly that seems to be the way.

I took NM out for something to eat , felt we needed to get out as he was so stunned by the news he had got , it feels like such a crap year it really does. 
I will be so glad to see the back of it

Spoke to a mortgage advisor attached to the agents im viewing a property with on sat , max borrowing for me is £127k kind of what I expected , what with the money I have it really doesn't buy much around here , feel like a bit of a pauper although in reality we are talking a quarter of a million pounds.
She did say that there were mortgage companies that would include NM on the mortgage but not put him on the deeds , I don't want to go down this route , its very much my eggs and my basket as none of us know what is around the corner.

Spoke with my sister a few days ago , more because I was viewing somewhere and I had told my mum who then started to panic I was for the off which isn't the case. Said I'd like to keep mums house but my lendability and savings aren't increasing at the same rate as property prices. she said she had also been thinking about what she would do come the time , her share of mums house will buy nothing in this area and although she has connections in other areas shes reluctant to move my nephew when he is off secondary age. I suggested to her that we explore retaining the house , getting a buy to let mortgage to cover the equity loan and do the fix up to make it rentable and that way the capital continues to grow as to whenever she may want to relocate , obviously there are pitfuls in this option but its something that needs to be considered , I'm not willing to go down that path however unless it is a mortgage between the both of us , I won't be injecting cash to make it happen. Alternatively if I can't afford to keep this house and make it what I would want , suggested to her she should buy where she would want to relocate and rent it out until such time she is ready to move

efes_shareholder

payday yesterday and watching the direct debits going out is bringing me much sadness ...............why can't I see a nice healthy balance for a bit longer.???? 

still shatttered , sailing the ship alone today as sister is working all day

Mums incredibly confused , called me down to tell me about something that had come on loose women which was complete nonsense , shes now having a nap so hopefully will make a bit more sense when she wakes up.

I'm feeling a bit down , I don't know why , I feel like I'm just waiting for everything around me to fall apart or go wrong in some way and I can't catch a cold at the moment ( not that I want one) let alone a break.

No spends planned other then to buy some vape fluid ( still failing at getting rid of the habit) also smashed the tank again on the one I have but fortunately amazon to the rescue and another will arrive today , £3.00 spent on that