taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

so the weekends over .....................
Saturday I was up and off to the hospital for a pelvic ultrasound , got stuck in traffic and was running really late so was stressed they wouldnt see me but they did , nothing untoward detected which is good news but obviously doesn't help me get to the cause of my issues.
Came home and pottered around and did a few jobs around the house but felt absolutely shattered , too tired to do anything too productive. I was tired and I was bored. Went for a walk to the corner shop and that was about all for the day. 
yesterday was home until 12 , again just general housekeeping to take care off , changed my bed , tidied my room up a bit , anything to try and make this house slightly easier to be in.
Went over to NM and had a glass of wine on arrival , he recently bought me a wine chiller and has filled it , we then went to the cemetry and he showed me his mums plot , he got quite upset , I never know what to do in those situations so just gave me him a big hug.
We did a little shop , mostly yellow sticker stuff , got a ready made chinese curry for last night and I cooked him a pasta bake for the week.
We spent the afternoon watching the football , both our teams played and won so that put a smile on our faces.
This morning I had to be back relatively early , he spoke to his son who has the rona , his son was at the flat last saturday so thats concerning , annoyed that son hadn't thought to call him and let him know. We both tested last week before the football and have both tested this morning , negative on both occassions but I'm guessing not entirely clear until wednesday. Another reminder that this sneaky little virus is sill very much amongst us. 
came home around 10 and had to go straight out to get money for the gardener , mums fine. Sink full of washing up , wouldnt have hurt my sibling to do it , I get the odd breakfast plate and dont mind that but there was that many knives and forks she can'thave cleared it all yesterday. Finding I'm annoyed at the simple things , she rips in to the bread bag rather unties it so it goes stale quicker , opens new packets before checking if there is one already open , puts empty jars back in the fridge , uses an urn full of butter to make 2 sandwiches ...............seriously there was half a block yesterday and today nothing but shes left me the empty sleeve rather then getting a new block out.  I'm a proper moaning mini , I'm not sure I'm cut out to live amongst others !!!
Only spends this weekend £5 vape fluid ( operation get ri of vape has been aborted for now) and £2 for the hospital parking.
Bought friends 60th birthday alcohol but used club card vouchers. 

efes_shareholder

my pain is back to not being receptive to painkillers , obtained a copy of the report from my CT scan and although the consultant said the cyst on my liver was likely to have been there from birth , I looked at the symptons of liver cysts and they do fit mine. Not saying its whats causing my pain but its the closest I've been to an explaination and I dont think it should be dismissed just yet , infact as the gastro specialist was so dismissive of it I havent even googled the symptons but its defo food for thought. 
I want a phone appt with my GP ( I dont think we will ever get face to face appts again ) but its pointless until the ultrasound results have made their way back.
went over to NM's last night , he had been to lunch with a friend of ours and her daughter , he wasnt happy as they had gone to an eatierie that was pretty expensive and not his type of food , mum and daughter had been on the rum and cokes and he ended up going thirds on bill so the afternoon cost him best part of 50 , I wouldnt be happy either but this friend is quite affluent and lunches out several times a week but not all of us have those budgets.
We just watched a bit of tv and had a relatively early night although I did have a lovely soak in the tub and gave myself a full body scrub which is always relaxing 
NSD day for me yesterday , just as well as I don't have any !!
I'm fed up today though < I'm fed up with no being able to have a plan in life , to have waited 10 years for the money out of my house and have to sit and watch prices rocket and my buy ability affected , I''m fed up with being beholden to everyone else to acquire some freedom ( I mean my sister and she is also entitled to some down time ) I'm fed up of not being able to accept any invitations or commit to anything as I don't know what the situation is at home , I'm fed up with being pretty much housebound and unable to go anywhere for more then about 45 minutes ,I'm fed up of not being able to havea  bath in my own home !  I'm fed up of clearing up after everyone , I just feel like a skivy , I'm fed up with life basically. I know it won't last forever but I don't know if it will last 4 weeks , 4 months or a year , I don't know how long I will be in this situation. I'm fed up of moaning when other people have much more in life to complain about. 

BalanceBy50

efes_shareholder said:

 I'm fed up of moaning when other people have much more in life to complain about. 

Please please cut yourself some slack.  I am a big believer in that we all have problems and things to deal with in our lives and that they can't be compared to other peoples. Everyone's situation is different. Your whole life has been turned upside down and is likely to be for some time.  Please be kind to yourself and carve out those small periods of time for you as and when you can.  Lots of strength being sent your way xx

efes_shareholder

BalanceBy50 said:

efes_shareholder said:

 I'm fed up of moaning when other people have much more in life to complain about. 

Please please cut yourself some slack.  I am a big believer in that we all have problems and things to deal with in our lives and that they can't be compared to other peoples. Everyone's situation is different. Your whole life has been turned upside down and is likely to be for some time.  Please be kind to yourself and carve out those small periods of time for you as and when you can.  Lots of strength being sent your way xx

I'm trying my best to do so , Most of the time I'm balanced , I've adjusted to not having any freedom and the situation I'm in , it just seems like I've been in it forever and I'm tired of it. 

Kitten868

I find the people who moan and complain the most are the people who have nothing to worry about. People with actual problems barely say anything. So I really wouldn't worry about the other people having it worse guilt. Sure, you vent on here but it doesn't sound like you ever do in real life. And I think you have to moan or you'll go insane. Everything you have said is honest and true. There's so much you have sacrificed and you have to do every single day. And the uncertainty of how long is really hard.

Could you make a room upstairs lovely for yourself? Or carve yourself out a corner of the garden? Something that's yours that no one else can mess up? Or maybe something at NMs? 

Keep going lovely lady xxx

Blackcats

What a tough time it is for you.  

My mum recently died and it's so difficult to watch their decline.
a couple of suggestions from me .....
has your mum been prescribed fortisip? It's a shake type drink that's full of nutrients and calories.  My mum would have one when she didn't eat much.  You can get them on prescription.
regarding her care package do you know if she was discharged from hospital under something called "discharge to assess?"  If so after 4 weeks she will be reviewed to see what ongoing care she is entitled to under the "continuing healthcare package".  At this point you have the opportunity to try to get an ongoing care package.  Try and find out if you can as it could mean a significant funded package of care. As you can imagine it can be a tricky battle to fight but is so worth it.
Send me a message if you want to find out about my experience and hints and tips to understand the funding system.
try to take care of yourself too

Buffythedebtslayer

I hope you have someone you can talk to in real life, I was lucky to see my friends the other day and being able to talk about stuff helped me massively. Writing it down is good too but sometimes I don't want to see it again if you know what I mean! I was really glad you got to have a bath! sounds silly but it is such a treat.

I agree with Kitten, can you make your room nice? A good friend wrote to me and said I should do that, currently mine is a dumping ground and is such a state it is mortifying. 

I do think a sanctuary is important for you. 

Take care XXXX 

efes_shareholder

Blackcats said:

What a tough time it is for you.  

My mum recently died and it's so difficult to watch their decline.
a couple of suggestions from me .....
has your mum been prescribed fortisip? It's a shake type drink that's full of nutrients and calories.  My mum would have one when she didn't eat much.  You can get them on prescription.
regarding her care package do you know if she was discharged from hospital under something called "discharge to assess?"  If so after 4 weeks she will be reviewed to see what ongoing care she is entitled to under the "continuing healthcare package".  At this point you have the opportunity to try to get an ongoing care package.  Try and find out if you can as it could mean a significant funded package of care. As you can imagine it can be a tricky battle to fight but is so worth it.
Send me a message if you want to find out about my experience and hints and tips to understand the funding system.
try to take care of yourself too

hi ,thanks for your post., sorry for the loss of your mum.
Mum has ensure drinks and complan which I think are the same thing , her appetite has been really really good lately and she is thankfully enjoying food at the moment after a long period of sickness , we do try and get one of these in to her a day though for all the nutrients and calories that she may not be obtaining from her food.
We had hospital funding for the first 6 weeks after mums stay in hospital back in February , we now get the care funded as mum is classed as end of life. Our district nurse team sorted most of this out but there was a bit of paperwork to do,

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

I find the people who moan and complain the most are the people who have nothing to worry about. People with actual problems barely say anything. So I really wouldn't worry about the other people having it worse guilt. Sure, you vent on here but it doesn't sound like you ever do in real life. And I think you have to moan or you'll go insane. Everything you have said is honest and true. There's so much you have sacrificed and you have to do every single day. And the uncertainty of how long is really hard.

Could you make a room upstairs lovely for yourself? Or carve yourself out a corner of the garden? Something that's yours that no one else can mess up? Or maybe something at NMs? 

Keep going lovely lady xxx

I've decluttered and organised my personal space a bit better in my room , emptying the garage really helped and I have boxes of excess possessions down there , my room is my retreat its just every time I open the door I'm reminded what I'm up against !!! Never mind it can't be forever. 

efes_shareholder

Buffythedebtslayer said:

I hope you have someone you can talk to in real life, I was lucky to see my friends the other day and being able to talk about stuff helped me massively. Writing it down is good too but sometimes I don't want to see it again if you know what I mean! I was really glad you got to have a bath! sounds silly but it is such a treat.

I agree with Kitten, can you make your room nice? A good friend wrote to me and said I should do that, currently mine is a dumping ground and is such a state it is mortifying. 

I do think a sanctuary is important for you. 

Take care XXXX 

I do chat here and there with my firends on whats app and get a lot off my chest to NM but since mum got ill I don't instigate conversations with my friendship group - Those who care will message me and those who don't won't , thats my outlook anyway. A friend of mine lost her mum to the same condition last year and its really helpful to have her experiences and I know she completely gets it as she has been there herself ( although not in the same circumstances) 
I quite like writing stuff down as it gives me a bit of a journal and and with stuff documented I'm able to look back and see if I've progressed in life. 
My room I sorted out recently and I cleared a bit of spare room too - mum throws nothing away or at least didn't so there was all sorts of nonsense items in the spare room. I've put excess stuff from my room in the garage , things I won't use and things that I have accumulated for when I get my own home. 
Think I'm just frustrated that when my house sale was agreed I could afford a humble 2 bed house in a neighbouring area but now 8 months on , they are now 20-30k more then what they once were.
Mum says I should have bought and rented the place out until I could live in it but without sounding wrong ( as people dont usually talk about this stuff in these circumstances ) , once this is over I will have more funds and more options available so it seemed pointless to tie myself up as where I would have bought would have been because thats what I could afford not nessercarily where I would WANT to live.
It just feels like my life is a never ending circle of 2 steps forward and 3 steps back