taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Little update on yesterday 
got back from NM's about 11 ish , timed it so that tesco had already been with the shopping and sibling had to put it away , I hate that job !!
Work seems a bit more manageable this week but I dont want to speak too soon on that one 
Didn't end up with a NSD as i left my phone cable at NM's and on opening the apple box discovered a different fitting on their cables and off course apple no longer supply a plug. Had to sort it out as need my phone fully charged for work so after weighing up the time and petrol to get to nm's and pick it up , i popped up to tesco and bought a new cable for £6. Its pathetically short but it will do the job for the moment and I will need at some point to buy a few extra on amazon as I always leave my cables in random places.
Did mum dinner about 4 ish , took the hint from 2.30 when she started asking what we were having , had sweet potato chips , fish and some steamed veg , I like to cook from scratch but I can't when dinner is wanted during my working hours. She seemed quite put out that I wasn't eating at the same time but my job is reactive and I can't really take my eyes of the screen too long incase something urgent appears , another example of how my entire family forgets I'm trying to also do a good job in my role of employment , I'm sure they think I hide in my room watching netflix or shopping on boohoo until mum has a need and forget that each time there is a lull in workload I'm popping down to make her tea , give her meds , give her lunch , put some washing on , wash up etc.
Apologies for my woe is me posts yesterday I just feel like a complete skivvy at the moment 

Buffythedebtslayer

I know what you mean Efes, and it isn't woeful you are just saying things as they are. It is beyond wearing some days. My life this "holiday" has consisted of the dishwasher and washing machine being filled and emptied and things being cleaned. meds, blankets, tea (never drunk) water, glasses, plugs, online shopping, the dogs in and out, all done on someone else schedule . I truly hoped I would make progress on the house but I haven't. I am sat here now, having given mum her breakfast, I need to clear up. I need to cut the grass. But it is all just maintenance not change. And I am back at work soon and then maintenance will be a huge struggle. 

Any how, like you say not forever, just for now. XXX 

efes_shareholder

Buffythedebtslayer said:

I know what you mean Efes, and it isn't woeful you are just saying things as they are. It is beyond wearing some days. My life this "holiday" has consisted of the dishwasher and washing machine being filled and emptied and things being cleaned. meds, blankets, tea (never drunk) water, glasses, plugs, online shopping, the dogs in and out, all done on someone else schedule . I truly hoped I would make progress on the house but I haven't. I am sat here now, having given mum her breakfast, I need to clear up. I need to cut the grass. But it is all just maintenance not change. And I am back at work soon and then maintenance will be a huge struggle. 

Any how, like you say not forever, just for now. XXX 

its soul destroying isn't it
I imangine you have little energy left for anything else after you have taken care of everything at home , every house has running jobs that need doing but it just seems when you are picking up after other people etc they are less careful with their mess as it isn't them that has to clear it up.
mum smashed a glass yesterday , no reason other then she wasn't watching what she was doing when she put it on the table and missed the table but clearing up the contents and the broken pieces  was 10 minutes out of the day..................easily avoided if she was just more careful and attentive in the first place. 

Blackcats

Efe and Buffy - I really empathise with you.  

I lost my mum a couple of weeks ago and my elderly dad is expressing his grief by behaving like a demanding, helpless toddler.  As soon as I walk in the door he begins to give out his orders and the requests continue for the whole visit interspersed with moans and complaints about everything. 

My mum was happy and cheerful and never moaned - my dad must be the ying to her yang.
I want to support him but every time I come away from there I feel drained of energy and positivity.  

Sorry that was a download as well as a sympathetic post 🙃

efes_shareholder

Blackcats said:

Efe and Buffy - I really empathise with you.  

I lost my mum a couple of weeks ago and my elderly dad is expressing his grief by behaving like a demanding, helpless toddler.  As soon as I walk in the door he begins to give out his orders and the requests continue for the whole visit interspersed with moans and complaints about everything. 

My mum was happy and cheerful and never moaned - my dad must be the ying to her yang.
I want to support him but every time I come away from there I feel drained of energy and positivity.  

Sorry that was a download as well as a sympathetic post 🙃

Feel free to download here , I’m both sorry that you are experiencing this whilst dealing with your own grief but comforted that I’m not alone snd others do understand 
I don’t think you fully comprehend until you are in it . People just don’t get it

efes_shareholder

Tonight I want to Throw the towel in , seriously I’m the statue in all of this.
managed to run things pretty well today , work managed , mums food and drinks managed , on top of dinner etc etc but just feel shattered
sister popped in after work just gone 3 and was gone just gone 4 to sort her own dinner out and then go to the pub with her friends as she had had a stressful day at work !! She did wash mums hair for her which is a challenge as she can’t stand for long but was gone as quick as she arrived.
I asked her to put mums clean clothes away , she has an under bed tray for day and night and one for underwear , all jumbled up ! Is it that difficult or am I expecting too much or did you just want to get out the door and only came because you felt you had too !! 

I’ve decided I’m going to keep a spreadsheet logging time spent caring , now I know I live here but that’s only because mum has this awful condition.
tonight I’ve settled down to sleep 3 times and 3 times I’ve had a sniff in my nostrils of a familiar smell and gone downstairs
nothing less then a **** storm , 3 bedding changes , 3 clothing changes , 3 full body washes including 2 soles of feet after walking poo through the house to get back to bed and 1 mopping of the floor with bleach , thank god for marigolds .. mum says how do you always know I’m awake 
……… because the smell is that strong comes in to my room !!
I’ll be up no doubt at 6am and back to it , already have 2 loads for the line and one waiting to go 

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Efes, I am so sorry. That is just dire. Absolutely dire. Literally don't know what to say. Thank God for Marigolds indeed XXX 

lucielle

Sorry to hear about your night.  Perhaps next time send your sister a photo or the devil in me is saying to phone every time you have to deal with this.
L

Kitten868

Thats one hell of a night! Doesn't sound like you got any sleep. I think your sister should buy you a top of the line coffee machine. 
It doesn't normally happen that much though, does it? Do you think that's how it's going? Could you buy her nappies? Help her contain it better to get to the toilet? I'm so sorry ES. It sounds so unmanageable. Could you pay someone to help you out? I know that's not the right answer but maybe it could be financed with some of the benefits for your mum? I just want to think of the right answer. There's only one thing I can think of that would give you the energy for all that you have to do but it's illegal for a reason. 

Sending you and all the other ladies struggling on here lots of love and strength xxxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Thats one hell of a night! Doesn't sound like you got any sleep. I think your sister should buy you a top of the line coffee machine. 
It doesn't normally happen that much though, does it? Do you think that's how it's going? Could you buy her nappies? Help her contain it better to get to the toilet? I'm so sorry ES. It sounds so unmanageable. Could you pay someone to help you out? I know that's not the right answer but maybe it could be financed with some of the benefits for your mum? I just want to think of the right answer. There's only one thing I can think of that would give you the energy for all that you have to do but it's illegal for a reason. 

Sending you and all the other ladies struggling on here lots of love and strength xxxx

we had a spell of it happening but it stabilised , looks like we have a revisit. She has nappies , she had one on on both occurances , I can't explain it any other way then sheer volume , they are just not able to contain it. Without going in to too much traumatic detail , the first occurance was enroute to the toilet and the others basically in her sleep , it just smells so so bad.

We have carers twice a day but obviously they aren't over night  - hopefully its a one off and I get my early night tonight