Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello: :coffee:
Well - I've made it to half term :dance: but have woken up with a stinking head again this morning. It's either stress, withdrawl from the drugs I've been living on or hormonal (and I strongly suspect it's hormonal). However, I have a cup of tea in front of me and I'm going to try and wait before I give in to paracetamol.
I have a partly busy day today - even though I am on half term I'm working for the exam board today. I have a meeting with them, which is all done online so hopefully it will all work and I don't even have to get dressed or brush my hair if I don't want to. It's scheduled for half nine until half three but if it's anything like the last one I went to I might be done by 2pm. If so I'm going to try and see my mam later. It's just been nice to see a bit more of her, and my anxiety is so bad at the moment that I'm keen to be around people that I know and trust for a lot of the time.
I still can't believe how much our lives continue to mirror each others EE. I can't imagine how bad that smell must have been. I'm grateful that I have another freezer I can use in the short term but there has been a lot of food waste unfortunately. I never take out any separate insurance on goods in the house liselle - I know my freezer contents are covered with the home insurance. There just needs to be a balance of how much it will cost me versus how much it will cost me to claim on the insurance once the excess etc is dealt with. I decided the same with the bathroom floor - plus the freezer itself was pretty busted and rusting so probably just needed replacing (although I know it's only about 8 years old). I've chosen a slightly more expensive, branded freezer in the hope that it will be better quality.
As for ex - I haven't heard anything back from him as yet but that's not a surprise - I hadn't wanted to have to contact him in the first place, but I am definitely putting my foot down about him coming to the house. I don't know what is going through his mind, but it's not predictable, which just sets me on edge a bit.
Right, my meeting starts in half an hour and I want to get some breakfast before that. So, I'll be back on later. Have a good day everyone.

beanielou

Hope your meeting goes well

crazy_cat_lady

It did thanks Beanie - was all done and dusted by half past one. And it's good to know I'll get a little bit of cash for the Christmas pot as well.
Wish the headache would do one though - I think it may be stress related after all because it has been hanging on for days, and I feel like I may be quite tense around my neck and shoulders. Not that I have the foggiest idea what to do about it though. It's all very well people telling me to calm down and stop worrying about everything, but it's not like I'm doing it deliberately. I know that my fears and worries are mostly irrational, and that stress isn't good for me - but my circumstances are such at the moment that I can't do anything about it - no matter how much meditating, mindfulness, soaking in the bath etc I do.
I did get to see my mam - she took me out to see A Star Is Born at the cinema. I cried my eyes out. Not that me or ex are international megastars but the story behind it was a little bit close for comfort at the moment. It was brilliant though - and I love Gaga even more than I did before (and I loved her before). I was incredibly anxious the whole time though about leaving the kids alone in the house - and I've done it before. Wonder if I should get myself back to the doctors? It may be time... if I can ever get an appointment.
Just getting ready for another early night. I need to be available from 7am tomorrow for the new fridge. I hope it comes sooner rather than later - but I have already arranged to see bestie as well just in case I'm stuck indoors all day.

crazy_cat_lady

I have taken this as a sign... looked on my doctor's website to see if there were any appointments. There usually aren't, but there was one available and it's for tomorrow. So I've taken it. It's with a locum but better than anything I've gotten any time in the past year or so... I will just explain that my anxiety is becoming unmanageable again. Hopefully I will sound reasonably of sound mind.

beanielou

Glad that you have a GP appointment.

Buffythedebtslayer

You aren't an international megastar?

Pants.

I hope it goes well at the doctors. Very impressed you made the appointment. Good stuff XXX

f0xh0les

Good luck with the doc today.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello: :wave:
Have been awake since 5am, worrying about the delivery of the fridge. This is completely ridiculous :mad: Got out of bed at half past six and went in the shower. Came downstairs and started worrying about the state of the house (the kitchen is a mess where I've moved stuff in preparation), worrying about the amount of rubbish and whether or not the council will take it all on bin day next week. Ugh! So I fed the cats, changed their trays and started attempting to declutter a bit in the kitchen - being a bit ruthless.
Text about the fridge arrived at 7am. It's coming between 2pm and 6pm today. So I could have gone back to bed. But guess what... my doctor's appointment falls beautifully in that window - so now I'm fretting that I may not be here when the fridge arrives. But that's not a big deal either because bestie is coming over to wait with me so I can ask her to wait in for the half hour or so I'll be out. Now worrying about how filthy the floor will be underneath the fridge. I'm so angry with myself for not being able to switch this off - my rational voice is there but the hysterical voice just won't shut up. I'll be better once I have another grown up to speak to.
I might try and have a nap actually. It's still not 8am and there's nothing spoiling...

SpekySquarehead

Oh dear your mind is in overdrive. In your opinion, is that a trait which you've always had, or is it something which has only come in the last few months/years?

Hope the doc's goes well and the fridge arrives with no stress. Take a breather and enjoy some time with your pal for a bit too.

apple_muncher

Hope the locum's a good'un.