Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello:
This is going to be a bit of a milestone post for me - number 4000 :cool: I can't believe how much my life has changed since I started posting on here 3 and a bit years ago. I wanted to clear the last of my dmp as soon as I could and become debt free. Now I'm in more debt than I was then, but look at how my home and work life have changed... A new boss who appreciates me and values the work I do, and a new home life and a divorce in progress. How things change.
Managed a fair amount of relaxing yesterday. Went to bestie's house for a couple of hours in the afternoon, and it's always lovely to see her. I also finally finished a couple of hats I've been making for someone at work. Got a couple of loads of washing done and I have managed a fair amount of tidying and decluttering.
I don't feel that well rested though. I think this is a physical symptom of my anxiety and stress - it doesn't matter how much sleep I get I am exhausted. Diet and activity is somewhat improved and my sleep is better so I presume it's that. I thought I was getting sick but I don't feel ill, just tired as I always am.
So I've been up and about since 7 - put a load of washing in, fed the cats, put the recycling out, made myself a coffee and something to eat and run the hoover round in the sitting room. I'm going tutoring in a little while, then off to visit my mam afterwards. That's going to keep me busy for most of the day (and net me some extra £ and a cuddle from my mam ) but I will hopefully feel rested. Only 1 more week to go until half term anyway. I can almost see it
I did speak to ds Chrystal - I think he and the other kid both want to be the 'leader' kid and spend a lot of time trying to outdo each other. I wish they'd leave each other alone though...

beanielou

Enjoy your time with your mam

crazy_cat_lady

Evening everyone :hello:
Pleased I got my cuddle and catch up with my mam yesterday because it was very much needed. I'm a bit poorly. I think it's a touch of sinusitis - I have a lot of pressure in my head and pain under my eyes.
I was in bed before 8pm last night - slept loads but again not very rested. Sudafed is making it bearable at the moment so I could get up and go to work. Another long day and so much change going on - it's really difficult to keep up at the moment. I think I may have to ask the Head for another meeting because the staff gossip is becoming unbearable and I want him to keep the staff in the loop about what is going on. It's overall good news for the school but a lot of change in a short space of time and we quite often don't know what is going on from one day to the next.
Monday is one of my busiest days so I barely get time to do anything at all. Choice between toilet and a drink at break time today. It's hectic. Thankfully only 4 more get ups until half term. I can almost see the end in sight And if I'm going to be ill I want it to be before my holiday! Definitely going in tomorrow because I have a free and I desperately need to get some exam papers in for copying.
I've also given in tonight and put the heating on. I'm under 2 blankets in the living room and I'm still cold. It is mid October I suppose, and very cold.
In terms of my life and progress - I emailed my solicitor today and asked for an update. Shy bairns and all that... hopefully something will be sorted soon. I still haven't heard anything at all from ex for almost a fortnight but I can't allow myself to be bothered by that at all. The kids are taking it all in their stride as well - dd is angry, ds is a bit worried but only because he cares so much. This is much more what I thought life would be like without him - but I hate the inconsistency for the kids. Dad of the year one minute and not a word for weeks the next. I suspect he's unwell, but the kids will make their own minds up about their relationship with him (think dd already has for the moment). Hopefully I'll hear back from the solicitors soon - not knowing, and just waiting is the hardest bit.
I'm also starting to make plans for half term. I'm working all of the first day for the exam board, but my mam really wants to take me to the cinema to see A Star is Born. And then today we arranged for some of my workmates to come drinking in my little town. :rotfl: I always complain about our nights out because I have to get a bus into Newcastle which takes a while once I get the kids sorted and then go out - so they are coming to me. They are in for a shock that's for sure. It's a very small, ex mining town - but we do have a Wethersp00ns so we'll be ok :rotfl::rotfl: It's nice to have some plans to see some adults and to know that I have some good friends around me.

beanielou

Hope that you feel better soon.
Glad that you have some plans for half term

Take care.

beanielou

Hope you feel better soon.

Glad that you have some plans in place for half term.

Take care.

Honeysucklelou2

Sometimes I think the tiredness can be cumulative in the sense that the closer I get to half term, the more "on my knees " I feel! Keep going, just a little longer to half term!

SpekySquarehead

Hi CCL,

The kids will make their own minds up about their Dad in due course. The onus is on him to the make the effort if he wants to be a part of their lives.

Also, good to hear you've got a night out planned and it's local to you too. Gives you something to look forward to and it shouldn't be as much of as pain as it would be in the city centre. It's well deserved and I hope you manage to recharge the batteries a bit.

joeyjimbles

You sound like you've got so much on at the moment. No wonder you are feeling the need to sleep. And I agree with whoever said that missing meals and drinks can cause your blood sugar to dip, especially when combined with worry and stress about all the stuff you have on your plate. Sandwiches, snacks and regular drinks - little and often if necessary - but do keep your strength up.
I suffer from sinusitis too but find Sudafed makes me unable to sleep - might you be the same? Sadly haven't found anything else that helps as well but will shout if I do.
Hope you got the glorious sunshine on Sunday and yesterday - I'm on the other side of the country from you but the end of the weekend was beautiful here which was a stark contrast from the flooding river through the parks and fields on Saturday.

crazy_cat_lady

Hey :hello:
Still no better unfortunately. I slept well (there is a night time Sudafed capsule joey - which did me ok between 10pm and 5am last night) but woke up with the headache again, and the Sudafed wasn't quite so effective today. Being ill has made me quite grumpy but I'm getting more and more determined not to take a day off (even though I desperately want to sleep all day). There is a whole staff meeting tomorrow that I definitely don't want to miss with everything that's going on at the minute. I'm trying to stay hydrated and eat a bit - even though I don't feel like it at all but I want to give it my best shot at getting rid.
Thankfully I did have my free time today - although I didn't get the papers in for copying. My head of department decided I needed to add something to them so I spent the time doing that. The first print copy is ready on my desk at work and I'll sort it tomorrow (12 papers in total). Think my lessons might have to be a bit 'basic' in order to survive tomorrow but it will still be better than leaving my classes to the mercy of a supply teacher.
I also heard back from my solicitor's secretary. It wasn't great news. Apparently they have sent 2 letters to ex regarding the mortgage, and 1 regarding the financial settlement. They are waiting for him to sign some forms and return them but he hasn't responded to any of it as yet. This is much more like what I would expect from him - but it is blimming annoying. Feels like he's trying to be awkward, although it could be that he's ill. As I said yesterday, I can't make myself care - I'm just annoyed that it's dragging on longer than it needs to because he won't/can't sign a couple of forms and return them. I feel more guilty about the fact that I should care and I don't, and I'm back to being quite mean to myself about the whole situation, which really isn't helpful at all. I've sent him a text asking him to either sign and send stuff back if he's ok with it or get onto a solicitor himself if he's not. He hasn't replied (obviously). I rang my solicitor to find out what my options are - he's a good man, and worth the billions of pounds I have to pay him. He told me that the divorce is completely separate from the finances and that will happen, and we'll get the decree absolute applied for at the earliest chance. He did also say that if ex won't deal with the finances then we can apply to the courts to ask them to sort it all out, but that's not ideal because it will take longer, and it will be much more expensive - but it is at least an option. It will also guarantee me losing a chunk of my pension, but I will get a better deal on the house than I currently do. However, my mortgage offer is only good until Feb next year - then the way my finances are going at the minute God knows if I'll get another deal if I need one. It's so annoying. I want it sorted, our lives separated and both of us moving on. If he won't be reasonable then I guarantee that I won't be reasonable either. However, I will at least be divorced and nothing can stop that.
I feel like such an idiot. I loved him so much, and wanted to be with him for ever. And he wore me down and down until I had nothing left to give and now I've stopped caring about him. I feel angry with myself for not seeing what everyone else could clearly see in our relationship in that I didn't get what I deserved as a human being. And I feel stupid for ever getting married in the first place because the fall out from the divorce is way more expensive and stressful than organising the wedding. But most of all I feel stupid for thinking I could make him love me while he was using me as a substitute parent. No point feeling sorry for myself though, it's done now. But lesson definitely learned the very hard way.
Right. I genuinely don't think I can face eating anything much for dinner tonight. I have a bit of salad left over from lunch which I'll finish then I'll head off to bed. I'm sure that being ill really isn't helping me mood wise.

SpekySquarehead

Morning CCL,

I tell you're going through the wringer again. Whilst I've no experience personally with divorce, my parents are. I can't fault them in their efforts to ensure I still lived a happy life and wasn't too disrupted with it and I've absolutely no doubt that you will do the exact same. You clearly put them as priority and although they might not show it, I'm sure they notice it and it might not be until they're a bit older before they come to appreciate it.

You can't continue to spin all these plates if you're not fully functioning yourself. You seem to be getting better sleep than you have before but now, as a few others have pointed out, you need fuel to keep you going through these grilling working days. You might not feel up to it, but it's worth getting some wholesome and healthy food into you to allow you continue being the awesome mum, daughter, worker and friend that you are!