Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

Honeysucklelou2

It is so hard when such text messages are sent to the children ( in that situation myself). If you are able to enforce a short term no access, hopefully it will nip that in the bud. One thing I have found is that my ex will feed the children misleading information e.g. He told the children he didn't have much money and was living on scraps yet when I put the recycling out I discovered the cardboard wrappers of ready meals for one. Hope your ex is different but just something to be aware of.

Hope you are feeling better today.

foxgloves

Oh dear, CCL - I had shocking insomnia for much of my working life & I do sympathise. It's just so draining after a while, isn't it?
A very difficult situation re your ex, but the key phrase in your post is this :
"That ship has sailed".
It has. You gave it your best. I have considerable sympathy for people who are struggling with their mental health, but realistically, I don't think it's possible to abdicate all familial responsibility & expect the relationship to continue. While the depression must be very difficult, I think it can become a sort of comfort zone too, because of the lack of expectation re meaningful engagement with anything. Your divorce procedings have started & they won't fizzle out because one party isn't engaging. Your solicitor will have to deal with this. It can't be an unknown situation. I suspect your ex has had many years where you handled everything, especially if he was going through a spell of mental ill health. This will have re-inforced dependent behaviours, but as adults, we do all ultimately have to take responsibility for ourselves & what is happening in our lives. I think it's good that your ex wants to maintain contact with his children, but don't think highly emotional, maudlin or guilt-inducing texts are appropriate, so probably worth keeping a bit of an eye on.
F x

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello: :coffee:
Well, I had a good night of sleep on Thursday (powered by Night Nurse) and made myself go into work yesterday. I felt loads better, but my teaching was poor after a day off and no prep etc. But I survived and made it to half term and I'm pleased I managed to just pull myself round and get on with my life.
I am still absolutely furious with ex. There hasn't been any more word from him to me or the kids. I've asked both of them to please let me know if he gets in touch one way or the other. After much rage, indignation and talking it through with people I have agreed that the best course of action is to give him exactly what he wants and leave him alone. Everything can go through the solicitor now - I need to hang onto what I can control and leave him to his thing. You're right Foxgloves, mental health issues are horrible and hard to deal with (and we both know that from our own experience), but everything that's wrong is blamed on his being ill rather than the poor behaviour that it actually is. So no progress and no further contact. My life goes on as normal. Still skint but happy.
Woke up with a fuzzy head again this morning - not sure why but I am going drug free for the whole day today :rotfl: and trying to find myself again now I'm getting better. My mam has been round for a quick visit this morning, which was unexpected and lovely and I'm going out to see bestie in a bit for our usual Saturday coffee and catch up. I had been hoping for a nsd but things are looking a little dire in terms of fresh food in the house. We're just about out of milk and ds is devastated we have no yoghurts in so I will probably have to go shopping at some point.
The good news is that I can have a couple of extra days to think about planning and prep for school so I might just have the whole weekend of relaxing. I have also found the 1970s version of A Star is Born on Nextflix so I'm going to watch that in preparation for if me and my mam go to see the new one next week.

crazy_cat_lady

So went and had a lovely afternoon with bestie. She made us all cheese toasties for lunch and we watched the 70s Star is Born. At least I am now prepared with the story if we go next week though. I cannot imagine how awkward it would have been to watch that film with ex if I had agreed to go with him. :rotfl:
Also gave in and went and did some fresh food shopping for the week ahead. It is going to be a very tight week indeed. Payday is still too far away for my liking.
I'm quite tired, and suffering a little bit with the back end of this cold but determined not to give into any drugs of any sort - the Sudafed and Night Nurse were just a bit too nice and comforting :rotfl: Just settling down now with the Saturday telly and some crochet. It has been a nice day overall, spent in good company so I'm pleased about that. Looking forward to a good week ahead.

Honeysucklelou2

That first weekend of any holiday is blissful to get a weekend without planning or marking! Enjoy!

f0xh0les

Congratulations!! You made it to October half term.

Enjoy.

crazy_cat_lady

Well. My run of expensive and bad luck has continued. Got up this morning to find the freezer door open and lots of ice everywhere. Decided now had to be the time to replace the seal so defrosted it and replaced the seal - all before 9am. And it didn't sodding work. :mad: I ended up having to get my stepdad over to try and help, but after much deliberation he decided it couldn't be saved. The door and frame were starting to rust and we couldn't get a decent seal between them. So I've had to order a new fridge freezer It's more debt. However, I've managed to get a buy now pay in 12 months deal so hopefully I can put enough away over the year to sort that out without paying any interest. Fingers crossed. It's coming Tuesday. I've spent much of the day rescuing what I could and playing freezer tetris with my other freezer to try and avoid food loss - still have thrown almost 2 binbags full away which I just couldn't fit anywhere. Never mind.
The next thing to go will be the cooker - I just hope that it holds on for a year or two.
Ex has been in touch with the kids today. DD chose not to answer when he called, but ds did and when I asked what they'd spoken about he said 'Dad says he might pop round on his way to work one day next week to say hello'. So I've had to message him (again) in spite of not wanting to, to tell him (again) that he's not coming to the house to see the kids. I also pointed out that as he had asked me to leave him alone, then I also deserved the same courtesy in return. There was lots of other stuff I wanted to say but I won't - I'll leave it to the solicitor to deal with. It has put me right back on edge again though of not feeling secure in my own home. It's not a nice feeling and I wish I could switch it all off but I am a naturally anxious person so any little thing like this sets me on edge.
I think I will need to mention to ds that we need to arrange to meet his dad out for coffee or something like that. Somewhere neutral.
So it's been a busy start to the day and I feel like I'm a bit all over the place now - it's after 4pm and I still haven't stopped at all. On the plus side there is no school tomorrow and I can stay home Tuesday to wait for delivery of my new fridge freezer without a worry. Small victories.

beanielou

Boo to freezer & to the ex.

Eager_Elephant

Same life happening again - my chest freezer tripped the switch in my outside shed the other day and I did not realise for days...…

Luckily the meat from my pigs was in another freezer but OMG the smell of defrosted offal mixed with onion mixed with warm water is just gross!!!_pale_


Nice to see you have met up with your mum and bestie, its always good to see people you care about.

And as for your ex - :mad::mad: - its a control thing and no doubt when you complain he will say DS suggested it - duh, yeah, because you put the idea in his head.
The good news from the conversation is that he is going to work so if he is well enough for that he might be well enough to complete the divorce forms.

liselle

So sorry to hear about your freezer breaking down.Such a pain.
But, for the future,have you considered insuring your white goods? The cost is somewhere in the region of £4.00 per item per month.