Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

Chrystal

Sending positive thoughts your way, and hoping you can have a restful weekend. ((hugs))

crazy_cat_lady

I got a brief power nap on the sofa last night, about 15 mins, before the window cleaner woke me up banging on the door wanting to be paid. Ugh. Then I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't because my brain does that to me sometimes.
Ex came round about 8pm. I thought he'd stay about half an hour, but I ended up having to kick him out just before 10. I don't know what he expected, but I got the impression he thought I was going to tell him to stay and all was forgiven. We talked for a bit, and I can tell he's still very upset by the whole situation, but so am I. And I will not forgive and forget this time - his visit served to remind me that I am happier at home with just me and the kids. He's a good man, and I am still desperately sad at what has happened, but it is definitely all over. I don't want to hate him, or ban him from the house but it is starting to get a bit wearing. I told him we were all going to bed, and he just sat in his van outside the house for a good 10 minutes before eventually leaving. I think it's too much for him to come back to the house at the moment, and his visit certainly hasn't done me any good as I feel stressed as anything about it all.
However, I was asleep by half ten and managed to rest well. Up a couple of times during the night then I got up for the day at half past seven. Decided I'd get the grocery shopping done and out of the way so I popped to pick a parcel up in town then went straight to Aldee. Bought what I could off the list in there, then went to Mr A to get what I could in there, then off to Mr S for the couple of things that the kids will only have from there (tinned soup and pizza) and finally Pets At H0me for the naughty tortie beyond expensive sensitive cat food. Got a good few steps in and felt saintly for getting my groceries off a list as cheaply as possible.
Got home and then decided to go and see bestie for our Saturday catch up. No cash required as she'd bought pods for her coffee machine. She's a lovely woman and never seems to get tired of letting me moan, which I seem to do a lot of. She thinks that ex is still hoping that I'll change my mind (I won't), and reassured me that she worries as much about money as I do.
Now I'm home and back in my jammies (at half four in the evening), catching up on here and making a plan of things I need to do. That mainly involves getting a start on my home made Christmas - I have more wool in the loft than I know what to do with, and at least 50 magazines from the past few years so I need to make a list of who gets a gift and what they will get. I'm also psyching myself up for a batch cooking session (which I hate but is a necessity)... and maybe finally some jam or chutney making. I need to get this massive blanket finished and pick smaller pressies for other people. Time for a list and a plan.

Eager_Elephant

((CCL))

So sorry the ex is coming round, its really difficult when you are trying to keep the children happy during this difficult time but then its causing other issues.

Could you speak to DS about it? Is he maybe thinking its easier for you that you dont have to drive him to his dads hence the invite to come round or does he not think and it was just a natural thing to do? I would be wary of ex manipulating DS in to this in the hope you will take him back.

Although my STBEXH told me recently that he had come to terms with the fact our marriage was over and I was feeling good that he had decided this he then told me last weekend that he will kill himself when our DD is old enough to fend for herself....I was beyond annoyed and it is this emotional blackmail that kept me in my marriage way longer than I should have stayed.

He always gets down when he has no money and then he does his 'woe is me' act and it spirals.
I have said all along that I subsidised him when we lived together and he denied it but now he is realising that is true, I have told him that he has champagne aspirations on a lemonade budget and he needs to sort out his luxuries - its all fallen on deaf ears and then by the 5th of the month I will have a text to tell me he has no money for his bills later in the month!!!


Have a good Sunday CCL

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks EE
I think my ex is also having a shocking wake up call about the cost of living. Strange really - he always thought I was extravagant but now he's realised just how much everything costs, and he's living in a room in a house with super cheap rent and bills included... I have spoken to ds and asked him to arrange to see his dad somewhere other than the house. And I spoke to ex and reminded him that I will taxi the kids if need be (if nothing else then just to keep him away from the house). It's dd's birthday on Thursday so we'll see what happens there - probably nothing if the last 16 of my birthdays are anything to go by but she's quite insistent that she doesn't care one way or the other about seeing her dad.
Sorted through stuff last night as planned. I want to make some socks so found a beginner's pattern for that, but I need to get this king size blanket finished first. I think I might make my mam a shawl for Christmas - she's a very competent knitter and crocheter but I am very skint... I already have something for my sister and a few blankets made in preparation. So maybe not as bad as I was dreading... Just the kids to worry about for getting presents, and I always get cash from my mam and my dad for them so it should be alright. I've spoken to them both about the cash situation and explained Christmas will be a quiet one this year.
I've also been up and prepped lots of veggies this morning. I've decided to batch cook a giant shepherd's pie for the week ahead, and also thinking about doing some chicken and veg soup (I need to do something with the chicken pieces I defrosted). I might (only might) try some chutney making while I'm on later today. I need a couple of small ingredients to add but think I might be able to do it. Got to try it sooner or later - that big pan is sitting waiting to be used.
However, first I am doing an hour of tutoring (to pay for my cleaner), and then I'm going to catch up with my mam. I haven't seen her for a month as she's been on holiday to Jersey so I'm looking forward to catching up with her. Hopefully I won't get too upset, but I really am feeling a bit down and I want to talk to her. However, I know how heartbreaking it is when your kids are upset and there's nothing that you can do to help them. We'll see. She's already done more than enough for me over the whole divorce situation, but I know she'd want to be there for me now as well...

Honeysucklelou2

I do sympathise CCL, as one who has to deal with the ex coming round. It's tricky finding the balance between wanting him to have a positive relationship with the children but leaving me alone. Not helped by the fact we don't know where he lives so I can't take them round.

Hope the tutoring goes well and you have a good time with your mam.

f0xh0les

Hope your 'mummy cuddle' helps you, as much as the ones you give help your kids.

Everyone needs a hug now and again.

Situation with DH sounds stressful. I suppose because you don't know which person you are going to get when you answer the door. Then wonder how he will be when he is asked to leave. After he has pretended to himself that his life is 'back to normal' and the divorce is not real. He is also probably a bit miffed that you are holding it all together so well without him.
But he has to realise his behaviour can't be condonned.
I mean forgive and forget does not include drink driving and moonlight flits. Not when you have kids. After that kind of muppetry, all bets are off.

Hope you have a lovely day and may your tiles remain stuck to your walls (odd kind of blessing) - It may be a good sign though - if they all come off this easily, then you won't have to have the wall replastered when the others need to come off.
Short term - stick them back on with a tube of ready made stuff from diy shop - a blob in each corner and regrout where necessary - honestly it is not a hard job, easier than icing a cake. cost about £5 and it will at least be waterproof.
The thought of it is much worse than the actual doing of it.

crazy_cat_lady

I did it! Faced my fears and made the chutney. I have 2 and a bit large jars of smoky tomato chutney sitting on the kitchen table. I think it looks ok, but I haven't dared taste it yet. Managed not to burn anything so it has given me the confidence to want to try something else - so I think I shall try Nigella's chilli jam as recommended on here. However, I need smaller jars, so that I can gift them and enjoy an extremely frugal Christmas indeed. If I get brave with jam I might get brave enough to do fudge or tablet and really be all homely human being who is uber talented and creative and can knit and crochet, and make chutney and jam and fudge that people would pay lots of money for... Getting a bit carried away with myself here, I've done 2 jars of chutney. :rotfl: That I haven't even tried :rotfl: But I can dream. I was surprised how cheap all of the chutney ingredients were, and how much shops charge for the nice 'hand made' stuff.
It was lovely seeing my mam as well. Sounds like she had a great holiday in Jersey (she brought back an expensive jar of something I've never even heard of - Jersey Black butter) and it sounds like a nice place. We talked lots about the home situation. I think my situation is pretty similar to her separation with my dad. She left him when she was my age, and he found it very difficult to accept. She said he only really stopped coming round when she got her new boyfriend, and it took her years to start feeling properly better and start getting some confidence back. She reminded me that I have spent much of my relationship with ex being worn down by him and made to feel generally worthless - even though he didn't do it intentionally. That makes me sad. I can't decide if I feel sad that I didn't see the situation sooner and get out, or angry that I allowed myself to be treated like that, or upset that he hasn't realised what he's done and tried to get help. However, I am reassured that I will feel better in time although I am impatient and wish it was now. I'm annoyed with myself that I'm so anxious and lacking in confidence...
Right. Time for a shower and then the Bodyguard...:j

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks for the tip about the tiles Foxholes - I'll put it on my list of things to do...

beanielou

Oooh The Bodyguard :j :j

Honeysucklelou2

Well done on tackling the chutney!