Renting to a boyfriend?

WTF?_2

Hmmm, if we reverse the positions and we had a man talking about his pregnant girlfriend moving in to live with him but wanting to charge her rent and make sure she had no claim on his house, I think the replies would be even harsher on the OP.

jezmyers

Melissa177 wrote: »

But when you're a family, there is no "yours" and "mine" involved, there is an "ours".

I actually think you sound like a nice guy and you'll make a nice family with your girlfriend. But my general perception of our society is that we are individualistic to the point that we think about only "me" and forget about the "we".

oh I totally agree that it's an ours and we are a family, well, when the birth happens we will be and I can't wait.

Thank you for the kind comment about me being a nice guy, I'm simply trying to do what's best for both us and myself (and get the balance right as being somewhere in between) which is all anyone can do.

Our modern society largely does represent a "me me me" attitude but not everyone's like that. In the same way, it's the "me me me" attitude that allows men to get screwed over when their wife has an affair, takes their child, half their assets and a third of their future wages. All I want to do is go into this situation with my eyes as wide open as possible and protect myself from a "what if". People get contents insurance to proect them from a what if, people equally get life insurance for the same reason, it doesn't mean you expect to get robbed or die you're simply protecting yourself against the possibility.

jezmyers

!!!!!!? wrote: »

Hmmm, if we reverse the positions and we had a man talking about his pregnant girlfriend moving in to live with him but wanting to charge her rent and make sure she had no claim on his house, I think the replies would be even harsher on the OP.

that's what I'm doing/have done and I've received largely supportive messages of my actions (well I think they're supportive). As with any situation, it's all about how you present yourself and present your argument.

I would like to think that I am showing my reasons for her moving in, my reasons for protecting myself in case of a fall out and both the positives and negatives of the other options available to us in a fair light.

tr3mor

jezmyers wrote: »

that's what I'm doing/have done and I've received largely supportive messages of my actions (well I think they're supportive). As with any situation, it's all about how you present yourself and present your argument.

I would like to think that I am showing my reasons for her moving in, my reasons for protecting myself in case of a fall out and both the positives and negatives of the other options available to us in a fair light.

The difference between you and the OP is that you sound like a nice bloke in a stable relationship with his head screwed on. The OP sounds like a spoilt brat who's going to make a terrible mother.

Melissa177

By no means are guys the only culprits here - women are just as greedy and selfish.


One of my best friends lived with her boyfriend for 5 years. She moved into his flat, and paid him "rent". He insisted that it was not rent, and that it was half of the mortgage - the f;at was just as much hers and his. She paid half when they upgraded the bathroom, and spent money on reflooring the flat (her father laid the new flooring). They bought furniture together, electrical equipment, curtains, a DVD player etc etc. She reckons she spent around 3K on the bathroom and flooring of her money, and fixtures to the house (ie, things that couldn't be removed). She paid him £400 a month towards the mortgage. She bought other items for the house (let's say £500).

When they broke up, she said "I would like you to pay for the money that I gave you during our relationship for your property". He didn't agree. He didn't want to give her the items like the fridge, DVD player etc they had both shared. She asked for £3000, which I thought was a reasonable sum, on the grounds that she would have paid money in rent had she not been living with him, but that she did deserve the money that she had spent doing up "his" property (even though he claimed it was half hers at the time - funny how this changes when couples break up).

They eventually settled for £1600 - £100 a month for 16 months, as he had little money. This argument had gone on for months, and whilst I think she deserved more, she decided to cut her losses and get on with her life.

moneysavinmonkey

remember. please be nice to all moneysavers.

i don't see any evidence that the OP will make a terrible mother and even if I did think that I would keep it to myself.


Melissa- in the situation of your friend surely it would have been better if the guy had said to the girlfriend that he considered the house 'his' and asked her to sign something. that way she wouldn't have wasted her money doing up his place!

jezmyers

Melissa177 wrote: »

By no means are guys the only culprits here - women are just as greedy and selfish.


One of my best friends lived with her boyfriend for 5 years. She moved into his flat, and paid him "rent". He insisted that it was not rent, and that it was half of the mortgage - the f;at was just as much hers and his. She paid half when they upgraded the bathroom, and spent money on reflooring the flat (her father laid the new flooring). They bought furniture together, electrical equipment, curtains, a DVD player etc etc. She reckons she spent around 3K on the bathroom and flooring of her money, and fixtures to the house (ie, things that couldn't be removed). She paid him £400 a month towards the mortgage. She bought other items for the house (let's say £500).

When they broke up, she said "I would like you to pay for the money that I gave you during our relationship for your property". He didn't agree. He didn't want to give her the items like the fridge, DVD player etc they had both shared. She asked for £3000, which I thought was a reasonable sum, on the grounds that she would have paid money in rent had she not been living with him, but that she did deserve the money that she had spent doing up "his" property (even though he claimed it was half hers at the time - funny how this changes when couples break up).

They eventually settled for £1600 - £100 a month for 16 months, as he had little money. This argument had gone on for months, and whilst I think she deserved more, she decided to cut her losses and get on with her life.

A bit poor really but then, you have to think that, had an agreement been in place, then everyone would know where they're up to.

Equally, I find it a bit disappointing that I'm discussing and thinking about drawing up a legal document for a relationship. Is this indicative of what a modern relationship has been driven to? Do we live in such a compensation led society that we have to protect ourselves against every eventuality?

tr3mor

Completely OT rant...

moneysavinmonkey wrote: »

remember. please be nice to all moneysavers.

I might not want to be nice to all moneysavers. If MSE is representative of the general population, then there must be plenty of people on here who I wouldn't want to be nice to.

This "please be nice to all moneysavers" cr*p is a huge hinderance when there are people on here who blatantly need to see sense. Would a better rule not be "be nasty to all moneysavers when they're acting like prats"?

The problem with the country today is that everyone has gone soft. There wouldn't be half the number of people posting for help on DFW if someone had shown them some tough love while they were growing up.

Rant over.

Melissa177

moneysavinmonkey wrote: »

Melissa- in the situation of your friend surely it would have been better if the guy had said to the girlfriend that he considered the house 'his' and asked her to sign something. that way she wouldn't have wasted her money doing up his place!

Sure - but the fact was he misled her, and told her that "it was theirs", and repeated this regularly. Then he decided it wasn't when they broke up. I think my girlfriend was a bit naive, but hey-ho.

Melissa177

jezmyers wrote: »

Equally, I find it a bit disappointing that I'm discussing and thinking about drawing up a legal document for a relationship. Is this indicative of what a modern relationship has been driven to? Do we live in such a compensation led society that we have to protect ourselves against every eventuality?

:beer:
:beer:
:beer:


Couldn't agree more!