Karmacat: I'm passionate about my DFW journey to riches

redsquirrel80

Sorry to hear the phone call wasn't a good one. You're not silly at all.. people react to these things in different ways, and your reaction is completely understandable xx

Karmacat

Hi Red. I know, I should have put the sarky smiley in that post, sorry. I think my reaction's the sensible one, I really don't get why my mother wants to prattle on about everything else except my dad, and then when I mention him goes on about "I just think about the good times". Well, I think about them too, but, you know, I'm entitled to grieve. Not going to contact my brother or sister, they'll be the same in spades. And people wonder why I've lived away from my home town all my adult life. This is bl***y why.

Keeping_Motivated

Headcase? A person with a heart would be more my term, maybe your mum has her reasons though? Maybe its easier to block out the fact her child is hurting as it would hurt her too? Obviously you know your mum better than me though so you will know best but sometimes parents can seem harsh out of anxious parenting and not wanting our children to hurt, does that make sense?

Sending hugs about your dad though, loss is something I find hard to deal with, I don't like endings or anything I can't 'solve' and above all you must MISS HIM.

KM x

redsquirrel80

Maybe that's how she copes, she possibly thinks she'll go to pieces if she actually admits to being sad about things. It's a shame that your family can't give you support when you're feeling like this though.

Karmacat

Hi KM, hi Red - you're both right that its the way she copes - prattling about anything and everything except what actually matters. She always has, its why I still need a lot of quiet because she was always absolutely overwhelming. And she *does* hate to think of us hurting, its true.

The "headcase" crack I made - well, after she spoke to me, I had a massive cry, and was still crying when I posted that, and thats a classic Scouser defence mechanism. I'm okay now, posting on here was what I needed - thank you! I'm actually okay! I just needed to have a cry and really *object* to the sadness of the day being ignored. Thanks for being there. I'm off into the garden for a bit, lift my face to the sun.
xx

OliveOyl_2

Aw Hun, I'm watching a woman in our office deal with the death of someone she knew well all her life. She's only 27, and although she lost her Grandad a couple of years ago, this is the first loss of someone she knew and loved. It was sudden, he was only a youthful 70.

She's had tears (And her mother said that was only the 2nd time she's known her to cry since she was a child) and then she gets on with stuff. She's her usual sarky brusque self to all and sundry. But I know she's hurting, it just doesn't show.

And I bet tonight she'll be rude to her mum again

Keeping_Motivated

Karma

Can you do something to 'mark' the saddness of the day? I suppose its a little late today but could you plant a tree/bush/something in memory of your dad so that you have something to cherish while you are working hard in your garden? That way 'you' are not ignoring your saddness of losing your dad.

KM x

Karmacat

KM - I've never ignored the sadness of the day, its okay - I had a candle lit this morning, and said words over it.

Olive - I'm not sure if you think I was being sarky to my mum? No, no and no is the answer to that one. With her, I try to be a combination of gentle and real. My sarky is aimed at me, I'm well aware of it and I consider I never use it inappropriately - I use it when I'm coming *back* from a cry, something like that, not *instead* of a cry.

Honestly, there's nothing here that needs fixing! I just needed someone to hear that I was grieving my dad, and you've heard that. Thats all I needed, and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

Keeping_Motivated

Karmacat wrote: »

KM - I've never ignored the sadness of the day, its okay - I had a candle lit this morning, and said words over it.

Honestly, there's nothing here that needs fixing! I just needed someone to hear that I was grieving my dad, and you've heard that. Thats all I needed, and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

You got me there, I'm a counsellor like you as you know and I STILL cannot resist the urge to slip into 'fixing' mode. Comes from my childhood and its hard to shake, I suppose hence becoming a counsellor but it was a big learning curve for me when I trained because I thought once I was trained there would be 'nothing I couldn't fix'

Like you said you don't need fixing just wanted someone to listen, especially after your mum clearly didn't. I hear now So big hugs from me
KM x

benbenandme

Karmacat, I've only just seen this on here and am sorry about your father Hope you have a peaceful evening :A