A place for my thoughts

SecretMe

I'm really sorry, I hadn't realised that a second ID was against the rules. I mainly did it because some of my previous posts would give away my "real life" identity if someone I knew were to come across me on here (as one example, I've posted a picture of my pet on here in the past). Unlikely but wanted to be safe! But yes, not sure why I bothered mentioning it at all really, it wasn't relevant.

pollypenny

pineapple wrote: »

Kudos to anyone whose 'spark' lasts a lifetime. That didn't happen with me and I suspect it doesn't happen with lots of people. Ultimately the familiarity of sweaty socks, energy zapped by childcare and everyday life takes it's toll. This is when you are vulnerable to the siren call of passion with work colleagues or even of complete strangers.
However when you go chasing after these things, you risk spending your old age alone. There is a lot to be said for growing old comfortably together - like a pair of old boots! It's love - even if it doesn't come with bells and whistles and fireworks attached.

Absolutely! The old saying 'Kissing don’t last, cooking do.'

I married at 20, lots of pressures throughout life with kids, 15% interest rates, shift work, working away, financing kids in uni etc.
But, apart from bickering, contentment replaced romance.

I think I fell in love with him again when we retired.

OP, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. There, two cliches in one post, from an English teacher, too!

hazyjo

OP, if it makes you feel any better, the hate I'm feeling right now while the rugby is on is sending me crazy. We are getting our thru-lounge separated with doors this week. Until then, he's at one end with a telly and I'm watching another telly at the other. The shouting, swearing and clapping is extremely repulsive. I've now come upstairs until it finishes.

He's actually just called up to give me the score. LIKE I CARE :eek: And then he leaves the door open so I can still hear it so have to ask him to close it. Argh!

We'll be fine after. You just have to walk away when someone's irritating you that much or it just builds up. Try not to judge your whole relationship on these negative feelings. We were out for dinner last night having the best time!

pollypenny

We never conform to the stereotype of married couples sitting silently in restaurants because we don!!!8217;t live in each other's pockets. We each have interests, rugby is one in common.

We eat at the table together ever night, apart from in the Strictly season, then we get together at 9 and take turns to choose what to watch.

Comms69

svain wrote: »

In the non virtual reality world, someone over 35 who's primary pastime is gaming, are just considered a little strange

Ye I'd say the same about someone trying to catch small animals purely for sport....


I'll be generous and suggest it's a generational thing.

Poor_Single_lady

SecretMe wrote: »

Poor_single_lady I don't think your post was out of order at all, and I'm sorry for the experience you had. I hope you have managed to find happiness again x

If you read this forum you start to think that almost Nobody lives happily ever after. My experience was just life really. I wasn't referring back to it to be all self-pity - more to note that I wasn't always so clueless on the dating scene.


Sorry for the man bashing But I do know that men can sometimes have a way of presenting themselves - (particularly at work, but also socially) that is not necessarily truthful.
Forgive me if this sounds out of order but Your husband sounds so nice that you may not have experienced first hand how men can seem one thing but be another.
It takes time to get to know somebody properly and you might realise what you have with your husband if you knew the real version of the men you met that made you question things.


If I met someone nice that played PlayStation or whatever I would be fine with this but I have some rather strange hobbies of my own.

Comms69

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

If you read this forum you start to think that almost Nobody lives happily ever after. My experience was just life really. I wasn't referring back to it to be all self-pity - more to note that I wasn't always so clueless on the dating scene.


Sorry for the man bashing But I do know that men can sometimes have a way of presenting themselves - (particularly at work, but also socially) that is not necessarily truthful. - indeed it's those layers of makeup that I find annoying.....
Forgive me if this sounds out of order but Your husband sounds so nice that you may not have experienced first hand how men can seem one thing but be another.
It takes time to get to know somebody properly and you might realise what you have with your husband if you knew the real version of the men you met that made you question things.


If I met someone nice that played PlayStation or whatever I would be fine with this but I have some rather strange hobbies of my own.

I think the point is that the OP will also be presenting a version of herself at work. Just like everyone does.

svain

Comms69 wrote: »

Ye I'd say the same about someone trying to catch small animals purely for sport....


I'll be generous and suggest it's a generational thing.

I hope it is a generation thing and society of the future look back and think "!!!!!! were we thinking!!" .. Adult obesity, losing the ability to converse and socialise in the real world will be the results. This doesnt even consider the effect on the poor kids of today/tomorrow who grow up thinking that as an adult/parent its normal to sit for hour upon hour locked in a room with headset on while the world goes on around them.

hazyjo

pollypenny wrote: »

We never conform to the stereotype of married couples sitting silently in restaurants because we don!!!8217;t live in each other's pockets. We each have interests, rugby is one in common.

We sit stunned at some couples sometimes - they literally don't say a word to each other over dinner! I'm all for comfortable silences, but it should be a fun enjoyable evening out together or you might as well be eating off a tray watching telly at home!


***


OP - re the grass is greener bit. I know someone who makes out like her husband is her best friend and they have lovely holidays and make lots of friends and their kids are perfect, and blah blah blah (honestly, you'd think there were stars and unicorns around them all every day it's so magical), but I've seen her dark days where she's said about his temper, him stopping her drinking and criticising her regularly, about him denying seeing another woman (every excuse under the sun for total obvious affair behaviour), the second mobile she found, the times SHE has snogged blokes (and a girl!) when we've been out/away (and I'm pretty sure had sex with one) - honestly, people are rarely as happy as they make out. My OH and I get on fantastically and love being with each other, but OMG we certainly have our rows (rarely these days) but in the past our relationship was toxic. I never want to go back to that time, and I never want to 'try another man'. It's rarely a good move! I've had the same feelings as you and there have always been devils on my shoulder. Not now. It's not perfect, but there's a lot of love there and we're very happy.

Pollycat

hazyjo wrote: »

OP - re the grass is greener bit. I know someone who makes out like her husband is her best friend and they have lovely holidays and make lots of friends and their kids are perfect, and blah blah blah (honestly, you'd think there were stars and unicorns around them all every day it's so magical), but I've seen her dark days where she's said about his temper, him stopping her drinking and criticising her regularly, about him denying seeing another woman (every excuse under the sun for total obvious affair behaviour), the second mobile she found, the times SHE has snogged blokes (and a girl!) when we've been out/away (and I'm pretty sure had sex with one) - honestly, people are rarely as happy as they make out. My OH and I get on fantastically and love being with each other, but OMG we certainly have our rows (rarely these days) but in the past our relationship was toxic. I never want to go back to that time, and I never want to 'try another man'. It's rarely a good move! I've had the same feelings as you and there have always been devils on my shoulder. Not now. It's not perfect, but there's a lot of love there and we're very happy.

And this ^^^^ is why the OP should stop believing everything that people tell her about their 'perfect' relationships and stop believing everything she reads on Facebook and stop comparing what she has with what she thinks other people have and what they tell her they have.