A place for my thoughts

surveyqueenuk

Comms69 wrote: »

Out of curiosity what is it you do instead?

I'm willing to bet it involves games. Board games, card games, word games, ball games. Solitary pursuits such as art, reading and craft. There will be screen time too.

Going back to gaming being "childish", if it really IS for children then why do we have 18 rated games?

SecretMe

My interests do include solitary things like reading, yes, and I agree that there's really not much difference between that and gaming. I just find it unattractive when I hear him shouting at the screen (which I know happens with football too) - I don't find things like that very sophisticated or adult... but really, way too much is being made of the games, I really don't care all that much... it was just a suggestion as it's one of the times I feel particularly turned off, when he's getting all stressed out over a game. It should be fun for him but doesn't even seem to be that, so I don't get why he plays them. If he wants to then that's up to him.

ska_lover

SecretMe wrote: »

Wow, first up thank you all for your responses. Every one of them has given me something else to think about. Of all of them, I think Ska Lover really understands where I am coming from (sorry can't quote posts on my phone). It's definitely not about one off instances of him not calling a plumber or not booking a holiday, it's his attitude in general.

The whole post was really just me trying to understand why I feel like there is something missing, when really I have everything... I feel terribly guilty for having these thoughts and am struggling to find out what's behind them. I would never mean to slag off my husband, who is a sweet and wonderful man, who I am very lucky to have. The whole reason I feel so upset about this is because I don't understand why I'm being such a selfish and ungrateful cow! I wish I knew the answer.

In terms of the video games, I just have a general dislike of them, just like many people have a dislike of football... I was simply questioning whether that might be contributing to the fact that I'm not feeling very attracted to my husband, because they are very important to him. Perhaps it isn't that at all. He gets plenty of time on his games with no comment from me - I only say something if there are important things that need to be done first, or if I'd like an hour or so of his time to go and do something together. I'd never try to make him stop playing them - in fact most birthdays and christmases I've bought him something game related because I know that's what he enjoys... and it's fine...

I'd like to believe that this is a hormonal thing, and am relieved to hear that it might settle down again at some point.

I don't think you do slag your husband off, you seem to appreciate the things he is good at, and you don't come across as selfish either you just want to understand what is going on. I mean yeah you have a looked at other guys, but IMO there is nothing wrong with 'looking' at members of the opposite gender. It doesn't mean you are awful or that you are going to cheat. It means you are human


You don't seem down on his computer game thing either - but totally get what you mean about doing something together, because unless you are playing too, it is a solitary pursuit and it probably takes over your lounge.


It does sound good that he is up for date nights and stuff - and more importantly that you can talk about it with him, and that he seems to be acting on it


Sometimes things seem to need shaking up before they settle down again and maybe this is what you need , both of you, to get yourselves back on track

svain

Comms69 wrote: »

Out of curiosity what is it you do instead?

In my leisure time? .... Order in, Eat out, cinema, pub, TV boxsets walk the dogs, watch odd game of football, camping and occasionally go fishing or have a round of golf .... mostly adult pastimes and stuff that still allows interaction with others I live with. However, the solo stuff is very welcome sometimes (ie fishing, golf).... but is a fraction of my leisure time and does not impact others daily or even weekly.

Comms69

SecretMe wrote: »

My interests do include solitary things like reading, yes, and I agree that there's really not much difference between that and gaming. I just find it unattractive when I hear him shouting at the screen (which I know happens with football too) - I don't find things like that very sophisticated or adult... but really, way too much is being made of the games, I really don't care all that much... it was just a suggestion as it's one of the times I feel particularly turned off, when he's getting all stressed out over a game. It should be fun for him but doesn't even seem to be that, so I don't get why he plays them. If he wants to then that's up to him.

I think you have an image of 'adulthood' that is far from reality.


Getting frustrated at games is part of the challenge. If it was easy, it'd be boring.


(e.g. one of the most popular games out at the mo - Playerunknowns battlegrounds - I've only won about 10 times. I've played easily more than 100 rounds)

BrassicWoman

SecretMe wrote: »

I'd like to believe that this is a hormonal thing, and am relieved to hear that it might settle down again at some point.

I swear, when I came off I'd have shagged a lamp post.

AstroTurtle

Comms69 wrote: »

I think you have an image of 'adulthood' that is far from reality.


Getting frustrated at games is part of the challenge. If it was easy, it'd be boring.


(e.g. one of the most popular games out at the mo - Playerunknowns battlegrounds - I've only won about 10 times. I've played easily more than 100 rounds)

I've been hitting up Fortnite on the PS4. 384 wins so far and still not bored.

Comms69

svain wrote: »

In my lesiure time? .... Order in, Eat out, cinema, pub, TV boxsets walk the dogs, watch odd game of football, camping and occasionally go fishing .... mostly adult passtimes and stuff that still allows interaction with others I live with.

So to clarify you eat and watch the TV? With some occasional outdoor activities?


I don't see anything 'adult' about any of those. Seems rather ironic as I'm not sure what interaction is available at the cinema

katiekittykat

Please don't be offended by this question, but are you still in love with your husband?

I only ask as I have felt a similar way in the past, and 2 years later realised it was because I didn't love him.

Although tbf we hadn't had sex for years and the thought made me feel sick

Comms69

katiekittykat wrote: »

Please don't be offended by this question, but are you still in love with your husband?

I only ask as I have felt a similar way in the past, and 2 years later realised it was because I didn't love him.

Although tbf we hadn't had sex for years and the thought made me feel sick

Hope you don't mind, but why did you feel that way?