A place for my thoughts

Pollycat

SecretMe wrote: »

I'm sure I do still love him. The thought of sex with him certainly doesn't repulse me, it just doesn't excite me. It never really has with him, or with anyone prior to him... I wonder if something is actually wrong with me As I said, it's always troubled me when my friends refer to having a "spark" with someone as I've just never felt that. With anyone. The attraction I've been feeling with these men recently might be closer to that, but it seems purely sexual rather than on an emotional level at all. It seems like it should be normal/ideal to have both in a relationship?

Well, if I were you, I wouldn't believe everything that your friends tell you.
All that photos of a perfect Christmas?
A perfect family?
Wonderful holiday?

Really?

Comms69

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Sorry for TMI territory but I struggle to understand how people who are married dont have sex.

I know I'm just seeing it from my point of view (single and fussy) but I thought this was quite rare, but a colleague was talking about it recently and I just struggle to understand how you can be laying next to someone that you liked enough to be married to but you never ever feel like doing that!
Surely sometimes it will just happen when you turn the light off or you wake up together.

I don't know. I just struggle to understand how this can be seemingly so common.

I'm not saying that you would be at it every day- but not even a few times in the year. Seems hard to understand.

Usually a mixture of lack of energy, kids and real, and been there done that.

raven83

The 7 year itch.

ska_lover

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Sorry for TMI territory but I struggle to understand how people who are married dont have sex.

I know I'm just seeing it from my point of view (single and fussy) but I thought this was quite rare, but a colleague was talking about it recently and I just struggle to understand how you can be laying next to someone that you liked enough to be married to but you never ever feel like doing that!
Surely sometimes it will just happen when you turn the light off or you wake up together.

I don't know. I just struggle to understand how this can be seemingly so common.

I'm not saying that you would be at it every day- but not even a few times in the year. Seems hard to understand.

Sorry I genuinely don't mean this to sound patronising but you are passing negative judgement on a situation you couldn't possibly understand and the fact that your way of thinking, is not the only way

Peoples feelings do change.

onomatopoeia99

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Sorry for TMI territory but I struggle to understand how people who are married dont have sex.

I don't understand it either. If my feelings in a relationship changed to the point I no longer desired the person I'm with then that would mean I no longer loved them either, which would mean the relationship was over.

Romantic love and sexual desire are completely intertwined for me, there is either both, or neither. I won't stay in a relationship with someone I neither desire nor love. What would be the point?

markdebby

Romantic love/ desire can change for many reasons eg age or illness so are the above posters (61&66) just going too up and go as they see no reason to stay?

svain

Comms69 wrote: »

I think you have an image of 'adulthood' that is far from reality.


Getting frustrated at games is part of the challenge. If it was easy, it'd be boring.


(e.g. one of the most popular games out at the mo - Playerunknowns battlegrounds - I've only won about 10 times. I've played easily more than 100 rounds)

In the non virtual reality world, someone over 35 who's primary pastime is gaming, are just considered a little strange

Poor_Single_lady

I didn't mean to be rude or insensitive and I probably was. I am really sorry.

It's strange how people view posts. My point was less about walking away and more about working for what you have got. And working to save it.

I think if you love somebody - whether romanticly or adjusting for long term partnership and you are sharing a bed then I struggle to understand the situation we are talking about.

If you are done that is different. But if you still have something- of sorts and you're not sure what you still have and you love each other enough to share a bed then i (personally) would be working on that.

I was with somebody for 6 years - feels like a previous life now. He decided we were done and came to terms with that before he eventually told me.
So by the time he communicated this there was nothing I could have done.

It was a bit more messy than that as it always is.

But I'm sorry if my question was out of order. It wasn't meant to be.

svain

Comms69 wrote: »

So to clarify you eat and watch the TV? With some occasional outdoor activities?


I don't see anything 'adult' about any of those. Seems rather ironic as I'm not sure what interaction is available at the cinema

Afternoon spent at the cinema and something to eat afterwards as a family is far more interactive than locking yourself in a room for hour after hour with a set of headphones on.

svain

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Those are no more adult than computer games, even the pub, since they all seem to be creches filled with screaming toddlers running around nowadays, and football is a game.

You have a peculiar idea of what constitutes "adult". Do children not eat? Or go to the cinema? Or watch TV? Or walk the dog? I know my niece and nephew do all of those things.

No, the point is ..... these pastimes are not at the expense of other family members.