A place for my thoughts

honeypop

svain wrote: »

No, the point is ..... these pastimes are not at the expense of other family members.

But it's good to have some pastimes you do by yourself, as much as I love spending time as a whole family or even as a couple, I'm also glad we have things we take part in alone. Going to the gym isn't at the expense of other family members, for example.

On another note, my husband plays on ps4 occasionally and is in no way childish, but is just one of many ways he chooses to unwind from a stressful management job.

svain

honeypop wrote: »

But it's good to have some pastimes you do by yourself, as much as I love spending time as a whole family or even as a couple, I'm also glad we have things we take part in alone. Going to the gym isn't at the expense of other family members, for example.

On another note, my husband plays on ps4 occasionally and is in no way childish, but is just one of many ways he chooses to unwind from a stressful management job.

Of course, nothing wrong with occasional gaming, and having alone time is healthy. That is very different to locking yourself away most evenings and weekends

SecretMe

I'm so glad I posted this thread. I still can't believe so many people bothered to read it all and reply. Thank you all for opening my eyes and offering your different perspectives. I think I have been unrealistic in my expectations, not helped by various things like my madly-in-love friend, coming off the pill, and my untreated anxiety which has got very very bad recently. I will keep trying hard to address my own personal issues as well as the way I've been feeling about my husband. I am going to use this thread to help make myself a "plan of action"

Poor_single_lady I don't think your post was out of order at all, and I'm sorry for the experience you had. I hope you have managed to find happiness again x

pineapple

To the OP I am still a bit puzzled as to why you felt the need to create a new identity to post this thread (isn't that against the t&cs anyway?) Plus we are anonymous anyway and if you are asking for advice or support from other members, it can be useful for them to read previous posts to get a sense of the person behind them. It helps us help you - if that makes sense.

onomatopoeia99

svain wrote: »

No, the point is ..... these pastimes are not at the expense of other family members.

You have introduced "at the expense of other family memebers" now, you started off saying it was weird someone in a relationship would spend hours playing computer games without any mention of whether or not their partner / spouse joined in.

So, solitary fishing OK, two-player computer games on xbox childish and weird?

onomatopoeia99

markdebby wrote: »

Romantic love/ desire can change for many reasons eg age or illness so are the above posters (61&66) just going too up and go as they see no reason to stay?

Currently I'm in my forties, not nineties, so age isn't a question I can answer. In a relationship between two healthy adults, I would surely try to address whatever the problems were if I no longer felt love or desire for my partner, by talking to them and listening to them, but if they could not be resolved, then yes I would end the relationship. Before seeking another (my opinion of those that line up a replacement partner before even saying they are unhappy with the current one is very, very low).

If I'm going to share my life with someone, I don't want it to be with a flatmate. If I wanted that, I'd get a lodger.

If, through injury or illness, I lost sexual function and desire, or needed permenant care, I would not ask or expect anyone to stay with me, trapped in a relationship without one of the foundations of a happy, healthy relationship between two adults. I don't want someone to be nurse or housekeeper, I want to share a life, and love and sex are massive parts of that. I have close friends that provide companionship, listening ears, pleasant afternoons chatting and so on, but those things are not the same as a loving sexual relationship.

pineapple

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I would not ask or expect anyone to stay with me, trapped in a relationship without one of the foundations of a happy, healthy relationship between two adults. I don't want someone to be nurse or housekeeper, I want to share a life, and love and sex are massive parts of that. I have close friends that provide companionship, listening ears, pleasant afternoons chatting and so on, but those things are not the same as a loving sexual relationship.

But that's you. Never forgot the colleague (regarded by the men as the 'hottest' female member of staff) confiding in me that the best thing about her new husband was that 'he didn't want sex that often'. I'll swear my jaw actually dropped! But it's horses for courses isn't it. The only thing that truly matters is that you are in sync with each other.

ska_lover

pineapple wrote: »

To the OP I am still a bit puzzled as to why you felt the need to create a new identity to post this thread (isn't that against the t&cs anyway?) Plus we are anonymous anyway and if you are asking for advice or support from other members, it can be useful for them to read previous posts to get a sense of the person behind them. It helps us help you - if that makes sense.

Often on here, people will go trawling through a posters history and drag up 'well you said this in 2005' - maybe she just didn't want it throwing in her face in the future by some less than sensitive poster

Marvel1

pineapple wrote: »

To the OP I am still a bit puzzled as to why you felt the need to create a new identity to post this thread (isn't that against the t&cs anyway?) Plus we are anonymous anyway and if you are asking for advice or support from other members, it can be useful for them to read previous posts to get a sense of the person behind them. It helps us help you - if that makes sense.

Or even bother mentioning it in the first line .

svain

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

You have introduced "at the expense of other family memebers" now, you started off saying it was weird someone in a relationship would spend hours playing computer games without any mention of whether or not their partner / spouse joined in.

So, solitary fishing OK, two-player computer games on xbox childish and weird?

...... Err yep! ..... Most activities that require getting off the sofa and being outside can be solitary or totally inclusive, creates memories, experiences, family bonds and are real world activities.