A place for my thoughts

onomatopoeia99

svain wrote: »

In my leisure time? .... Order in, Eat out, cinema, pub, TV boxsets walk the dogs, watch odd game of football, camping and occasionally go fishing or have a round of golf .... mostly adult pastimes and stuff that still allows interaction with others I live with. However, the solo stuff is very welcome sometimes (ie fishing, golf).... but is a fraction of my leisure time and does not impact others daily or even weekly.

Those are no more adult than computer games, even the pub, since they all seem to be creches filled with screaming toddlers running around nowadays, and football is a game.

You have a peculiar idea of what constitutes "adult". Do children not eat? Or go to the cinema? Or watch TV? Or walk the dog? I know my niece and nephew do all of those things.

pineapple

BrassicWoman wrote: »

I swear, when I came off I'd have shagged a lamp post.

I think I probably did....

ska_lover

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

.

I do question the mindset and self-confidence of those who feel the need to criticize the hobbies of other people, what is so lacking in their lives that they feel the need to abuse the choices of others?

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Those are no more adult than computer games, even the pub, since they all seem to be creches filled with screaming toddlers running around nowadays, and football is a game.

You have a peculiar idea of what constitutes "adult". Do children not eat? Or go to the cinema? Or watch TV? Or walk the dog? I know my niece and nephew do all of those things.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

SecretMe

I'm sure I do still love him. The thought of sex with him certainly doesn't repulse me, it just doesn't excite me. It never really has with him, or with anyone prior to him... I wonder if something is actually wrong with me As I said, it's always troubled me when my friends refer to having a "spark" with someone as I've just never felt that. With anyone. The attraction I've been feeling with these men recently might be closer to that, but it seems purely sexual rather than on an emotional level at all. It seems like it should be normal/ideal to have both in a relationship?

Comms69

SecretMe wrote: »

I'm sure I do still love him. The thought of sex with him certainly doesn't repulse me, it just doesn't excite me. It never really has with him, or with anyone prior to him... I wonder if something is actually wrong with me As I said, it's always troubled me when my friends refer to having a "spark" with someone as I've just never felt that. With anyone. The attraction I've been feeling with these men recently might be closer to that, but it seems purely sexual rather than on an emotional level at all. It seems like it should be normal/ideal to have both in a relationship?

TBH the spark goes after a few months.


Personally after 7 years we hardly ever have it. Love evolves into the next incarnation.

hazyjo

SecretMe wrote: »

As I said, it's always troubled me when my friends refer to having a "spark" with someone as I've just never felt that. With anyone. The attraction I've been feeling with these men recently might be closer to that, but it seems purely sexual rather than on an emotional level at all. It seems like it should be normal/ideal to have both in a relationship?

Do they say that after several years still or just when they meet someone? I bet your single friends would kill to swap places. Single lives always look so exciting from the outside. I did enjoy that time, but much prefer being in a relationship. I suppose you've not really had that experience to know...

pineapple

Kudos to anyone whose 'spark' lasts a lifetime. That didn't happen with me and I suspect it doesn't happen with lots of people. Ultimately the familiarity of sweaty socks, energy zapped by childcare and everyday life takes it's toll. This is when you are vulnerable to the siren call of passion with work colleagues or even of complete strangers.
However when you go chasing after these things, you risk spending your old age alone. There is a lot to be said for growing old comfortably together - like a pair of old boots! It's love - even if it doesn't come with bells and whistles and fireworks attached.

SecretMe

You have no idea how reassured I am by those last few replies! I have one older friend who has been married nearly 20 years and is still madly in love with her husband, always talking about how much he "lights her fire" and how she can never stop thinking about him. Maybe she's just very very lucky and not "the norm"!! I know I shouldn't really care what "normal" is. I've just always felt a bit jealous of her and like I must be missing out on something... but if what I've got is as good as it gets for most people, I am more than happy with that.

Loz01

OP there is nothing wrong with you for not feeling a "spark"

Maybe its because you don't fancy him any more. Maybe you're just not a high sexually charged person. Maybe its the pill hormones. Maybe you're stressed and anxious and its affecting your feelings.

I wouldnt make any hasty decisions because once you open up a can of worms you cant stuff them back in. However, if you're not happy, you're not happy, you cant ignore that.

Poor_Single_lady

Sorry for TMI territory but I struggle to understand how people who are married dont have sex.

I know I'm just seeing it from my point of view (single and fussy) but I thought this was quite rare, but a colleague was talking about it recently and I just struggle to understand how you can be laying next to someone that you liked enough to be married to but you never ever feel like doing that!
Surely sometimes it will just happen when you turn the light off or you wake up together.

I don't know. I just struggle to understand how this can be seemingly so common.

I'm not saying that you would be at it every day- but not even a few times in the year. Seems hard to understand.