A place for my thoughts

jackieblack

I know gamers always get defensive about it, but many people find the idea of adults sitting around playing games (computer/video or otherwise) for hours at a time very childish - maybe because we associate playing games (of any description) as an activity mainly done by children... ?


And being married to a 'man-child' who refuses to engage in any adult responsibility or pull their weight in household tasks and/or general 'life admin' is a real marriage killer - the drip-drip-drip effect results in the building of resentment.

Comms69

jackieblack wrote: »

I know gamers always get defensive about it, but many people find the idea of adults sitting around playing games (computer/video or otherwise) for hours at a time very childish - maybe because we associate playing games (of any description) as an activity mainly done by children... ?


And being married to a 'man-child' who refuses to engage in any adult responsibility or pull their weight in household tasks and/or general 'life admin' is a real marriage killer - the drip-drip-drip effect results in the building of resentment.

I think most people get defensive when told their chosen hobby, or how they choose to spend their own time, is judged by others.


I don't understand why enjoying computer games automatically means you don't 'pull your weight' as you've suggested. As I mentioned I play games once the household is ready for the next day; the alternative would be to annoy my partner asking what's happened since the last time I joined her to watch her soaps 3 weeks ago...

pineapple

You were very young when you married and possibly you have changed. When our needs and feelings change, that's when little things that never bothered us before begin to irritate. Also, when we get into a routine, that's when things can look rosier on the other side of the fence. So you would like him to be different and more proactive - but him promising to try and change and do that at your behest is self defeating is it not?
He is still the person you married and were happy to marry, so expecting him to change to accommodate the changes in yourself is a bit unfair on him.
I've got the T shirt on most of that. It's not necessarily anyone's fault if one of you has changed but I'm afraid splitting up is the usual outcome. At least try and avoid an affair which can cause heartache all round. These attractions to other people will most likely dissipate over time if not acted upon.
That said I would test whether this is mostly down to greener grass syndrome. Maybe go on a break together - somewhere out of your normal routine and comfort zone to see if you can reconnect with the feelings you once had. Or perhaps a trial break from each other to help with perspective.
Good luck

SecretMe

Yes, the computer games are just an example, it's not a huge issue by itself... it's not one small thing alone that's made me feel this way, it's a combination of everything.

I'm not saying I want him to do everything. But it would be nice if he took more of an interest in things that affect us both. He is very passive.

I'm not bothered about his position at work, in fact I'm proud of what he has achieved career wise.

I think the issue is that he has become very dependent on me, and really I would like to be able to depend on him a bit more.

Lika_86 that is a very interesting article

Pineapple, your post resonated with me a lot and has given me something to think about. Thank you.

[Deleted User]

Comms69 wrote: »

Not saying it will happen but: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DanTDM


I'm in my 30s, I play computer games most nights. Now before then the kids are seen to, the house is tidied and the uniforms and lunches are ready for the next day. Going on the xbox allows me some time with my friends, doing something we all enjoy.


For what it's worth, the older guys you're interested in are older and (hopefully!) single - did life really work out that well for them?


Sounds rather more childish to me to be trying it on with a younger and more junior colleague whilst at work(!) than playing some video games when on time off.

You never know the older men at work may play video games themselves.

Last year my husband turned 50. His birthday present? A VR kit for playing games

hazyjo

My OH watches loads of sport which I hate. I am more than happy sitting in the lounge watching my own crap, or going out. Why does it bother you what your OH does? I sit and play soda crush a lot. I'd be rather offended if my OH said he didn't like it. Sounds rather controlling to me.


If you want to get feelings out, might I suggest a diary? Might help you look back and reflect/analyse better.


As above, the grass is rarely greener.


I still fancy other men. I can also be a little bit flirty (I believe it's good for the soul tbh!). Doesn't mean I want to be with them or that anything would ever happen - and they are 100% aware of that. Can't you just fantasise like the rest of us lol?


I like a man to make the decisions and loved my ex for ordering in a restaurant and taking charge at an airport or with holidays so I had nothing to worry about. I've always dealt with it all in every other relationship. My current partner is utterly useless with all that and I do it all. He has other far nicer qualities than my ex. Try not to focus on one or two things that you might want to change, and appreciate the ones he does that other blokes probably wouldn't.


Try to have time apart and see your own friends and maybe miss each other a bit.

AstroTurtle

If your getting attracted to other men and feeling tempted to cheat. Then you cant really judge your fella for not calling a plumber.


What you do is up to you, but is years of happiness and pleasure worth losing for potential 1 hour or minutes of temptation.




also for people talking about video games.


Playing games solving problems, Talking with upward of 30 people from all around the world.


Or


Sitting for 4 hours watching Coronation street - EastEnders - Holby City and then sitting on the ipad on Facebook.


I still don't understand how in todays modern world Videos games have the stereotype of being lazy. Games are crazy complicated and in depth now compared to 20 years ago. You can learn a lot from them too and they keep the brain active.


Let us nerds be nerds.

jackieblack

Comms69 wrote: »

I think most people get defensive when told their chosen hobby, or how they choose to spend their own time, is judged by others.

And it would be a boring world is we all liked the same things, but everyone is entitled to an opinion, particularly if something is affecting their relationship/family life.

Comms69 wrote: »

I don't understand why enjoying computer games automatically means you don't 'pull your weight' as you've suggested.

It certainly doesn't automatically mean that at all, but does appear to be what the OP is experiencing.

Comms69 wrote: »

As I mentioned I play games once the household is ready for the next day; the alternative would be to annoy my partner asking what's happened since the last time I joined her to watch her soaps 3 weeks ago...

That obviously works for you and your relationship... it doesn't appear to be so for the OP

Gavin83

Sounds to me like you rushed into this relationship and didn't get your young 'fun years' out of your system so now you're getting older you wonder if you've missed out. Not really much you can do about this other than forget about it and move on or split up.

His 'issues' seem as much about your intolerance opinions as things he's doing wrong. It feels somewhat like no matter what he does it wouldn't be good enough for you. It's actually coming across like you don't wish to be with him anymore but are unwilling to admit to this either because of feelings of guilt, loyalty to your vows, whatever. Instead of being honest you're nit picking at his hobbies and little things are bothering you more than they should to justify your opinions.

I'd suggest seeking professional help. Otherwise I can see how this go, you'll stick together, you'll resent him more and more and then end up having an affair which will ultimately break up your marriage. Do something about it now before it reaches that point.

BrassicWoman

when you come off the pill, your hormones go bananas for about a year

just recognise it as such and avoid aking any decisions unti every last bit is out of your system and everything has calmed down