A place for my thoughts

Comms69

jackieblack wrote: »

And it would be a boring world is we all liked the same things, but everyone is entitled to an opinion, particularly if something is affecting their relationship/family life. - indeed, but that opinion needs to be balanced - attacking someone for not liking the same thing you do is somewhat beyond the pale. It could easily be turned around: "My partner does not let me enjoy my hobby and dictates what I do in my free time".

It certainly doesn't automatically mean that at all, but does appear to be what the OP is experiencing. - Well that's what you suggested. Apologies if I've misunderstood

That obviously works for you and your relationship... it doesn't appear to be so for the OP

indeed, but I wouldn't go around enabling people by suggesting the way to fix problems in your relationship is to call your partner childish.


5 year olds play with makeup - I'm yet to find any adult that considers that childish.

ska_lover

jackieblack wrote: »

And being married to a 'man-child' who refuses to engage in any adult responsibility or pull their weight in household tasks and/or general 'life admin' is a real marriage killer - the drip-drip-drip effect results in the building of resentment.

I think this post hits the nail on the head and it seems to me (although I may be wrong) that the OP, if she had a day off on her own, may not get 10 hours straight to pursue a hobby if she wanted to, as she is left with the brunt of things

Honestly I really think some men need to get this into their head that you cannot have it both ways - if you treat a woman like your mother (as in doing tasks for you, instead of being partners), the bedroom attraction is going to wear off - you cannot leave everything to your partner and expect her to treat you as an equal when it suits.

I mean he is not being very manly in other areas is he, refuse to take the lead in ANYTHING and then expect to be seen as manly in the bedroom, it just don't work like that

Passive blokes make my blood run cold - the kind that always have time for himself, but cant make an adult decision

(and it's got nothing to do with the computer games, that's just a mere choice of hobby) It is not the computer games that are childish, its his selfish, reliant attitude that IS

onomatopoeia99

ska_lover wrote: »

I think this post hits the nail on the head and it seems to me (although I may be wrong) that the OP, if she had a day off on her own, may not get 10 hours straight to pursue a hobby if she wanted to, as she is left with the brunt of things

Honestly I really think some men need to get this into their head that you cannot have it both ways - if you treat a woman like your mother (as in doing tasks for you, instead of being partners), the bedroom attraction is going to wear off - you cannot leave everything to your partner and expect her to treat you as an equal when it suits.

The opening post states "my husband pulls his weight around the house"

Where do you get the impression that he is leaving everything to her when the direct opposite has been stated? Calling a plumber of booking a holiday are once a year things, housework is continuous and stated as already being shared.

"I don't fancy you any more as I had to call the plumber / log on to the TUI website to make a booking" isn't very convincing.

Poor_Single_lady

Not sure much is written about coming off the pill long term but it does completely affects your hormones. Possibly makes you look at things differently.

I am single long term and like the sound of your life. Your husband sounds considerate, respectful and kind. In my experience those qualities are quite elusive.

I know people can get itchy feet and it's not easy but this kind of post makes me sad. From the other side it's rarely exciting or fun. (In my experience) Men present themselves very differently to how they are, they might seem exciting but if you started exploring that you might look at your husband In a whole new light.

Wishing you well.

onomatopoeia99

jackieblack wrote: »

I know gamers always get defensive about it, but many people find the idea of adults sitting around playing games (computer/video or otherwise) for hours at a time very childish - maybe because we associate playing games (of any description) as an activity mainly done by children... ?

Though hundreds of thousands troop off to football grounds every Saturday to watch grown men play a game they played as children and get paid vast sums of money for it.

I'm quite happy to admit I'm going to spend the weekend watching rugby on the telly, but if I ever met Billy Vunipola, I wouldn't tell him he's childish for playing a game.

I do question the mindset and self-confidence of those who feel the need to criticize the hobbies of other people, what is so lacking in their lives that they feel the need to abuse the choices of others?

ska_lover

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

The opening post states "my husband pulls his weight around the house"

Where do you get the impression that he is leaving everything to her when the direct opposite has been stated? Calling a plumber of booking a holiday are once a year things, housework is continuous and stated as already being shared.

"I don't fancy you any more as I had to call the plumber / log on to the TUI website to make a booking" isn't very convincing.

More that he won't take the lead in anything or make a descision. Sitting back being passive isn't very ''manly'' - and that the OP is finding herself being drawn to men in a position of power..there is a reason for this

It is just my take on the situation, you don't have to agree.

WibblyGirly

Do you ever go out together? Like a date night? If not, I'd suggest trying it. We get dressed up, go for a meal/cinema/drinks etc and its a nice way for us to get close, forget about work and just relax.

Also video games... I can easy play 10 hours straight! Just as my boyfriend can watch football all day Saturday on the tv. So long as he's doing his share of housework and bills then he can do what he wants on his day off alone.

pearl123

Look at other men, just don't buy into another relationship when you've already got a pretty good one. The grass is no always greener on the other side.

Pollycat

Comms69 wrote: »

I don't understand why enjoying computer games automatically means you don't 'pull your weight' as you've suggested. As I mentioned I play games once the household is ready for the next day; the alternative would be to annoy my partner asking what's happened since the last time I joined her to watch her soaps 3 weeks ago...

I'm not exactly sure what 'enjoying computer games' really means.
I play the odd game on my phone, usually when I'm on the bus (40 minute journey).
That's usually sudoku, a word game, brain training type stuff. I'm not into Candy Crush.
Is that the same thing?
Just curious really - sorry to go off-topic.

NeilCr

A number of words being tossed around here "manchild" "manly".

I don't think you should expect someone to change from their natural way - I am not talking about the computer games here but how someone is as a person. Actually, I think it is a bad thing.

But there are things that can be done. I am passive (one of my friends once described me as a gentle soul) get described as "one of the girls" and my partner thinks I am a huge softie. Now I am not suddenly going to be able (with any conviction, anyway) to become someone who can take control and start making all the decisions. Everyone who knows me (including my partner) would collapse laughing for a start.

My partner is strong and independent and very used to being in control (bought up a number of children by herself). And there is no way she is going to put up with a man in charge. But she still has quite a stressful life whereas mine is easier - we don't live together.

And, sometimes, if we are going out she wants a rest from it all and is happy for me to decide on which restaurant we are going to. I completely get that and that's fine - but that's not a question of me changing how I am and becoming more "manly" - just an appreciation of different lives and different pressures.