Spousal maintenance

Mr.Grey

I have been married for 9 years and have 2 children aged 6 and 18mths. My wife is divorcing me and we have been apart for a year. We both have solicitors and hers is saying that she is entitled to spousal maintenance. She works 2 days a week and her earnings are just under £16K, I earn £60k.
I accept that I have to pay for the kids, but I see no reason why I should subsidise her new life. We have both got new partners, and once our property is sold, (I am still paying the mortgage as she and the kids still live there as it is jointly owned.)
I want to move on and don't want to be financially tied to her for years to come. I have told her to get another better paid job but she says her salary for just 2 days is good and there isn't an option to work full time. If that's the case I don't know why she can't get a different job.
We have sorted the child access, it's 50/50 (nights), but the stumbling block is this maintenance she wants.
She say's she needs it as she has to now rent and cannot manage on the money she will get.
I don't want to go to mediation as I am not going to change my mind, I intend to buy another house with my new partner and I won't be able to afford to subsidise her.
Any advise would help, I am just wondering if anyone else has had a similar problem. She is not living with her new partner deliberately because she knows it will go against her as far as finances is concerned.

Seanymph

I always feel sad when it gets so adversarial - you will, as part of your divorce, make a financial agreement - that will detail any spousal maintenance to be paid. To say 'I'm not paying anything towards her' is unfair and short sighted in my opinion.

As a mother - and mine are now in their twenties - you lose earning potential, career progression, the ability to move into higher paying roles. You can guarantee that when they are at school if they are ill it won't be you with your new partner and new house that leaves work with no notice to pick them up, make the dental appointments and take them after school, do doctors appointments, hospital appointments, the football practice driving - sunday morning matches........ you may do some of it, but you will (as is demonstrated in your post) want to prioritise 'moving on'. No matter how involved you are now, this is hard to maintain, and a high paying job with responsibility cannot take those kind of hits.

She may not want to move in with her new partner - and why should she? If, further down the line, she does, then you can revisit the spousal maintenance I'm sure.

But in the meantime this woman is raising, and prioritising, your children. That has value that it is important no one loses sight of.

Mr.Grey

That may be the case, but who would decide how much it will be. I want to getter a bigger house as my new partner has 2 children and when mine stay with me as well they can have a lovely home to stay in. I can make sure that when they are with me they want for nothing. I will need a bigger car for a larger family and I don't see why I should skimp so that she can stay at home for some of the week when I have to work for us all. Thanks for your input though.

thorsoak

Unless you go to mediation, it is my understanding that a judge could rule that your ex-wife and children are allowed to stay in the matrimonial home until the children reach the age of 18. Your mind may be made up - so is your ex-wife's. It does require mediation.

barbarawright

Who will look after *your* children if your wife is out at work? Surely your payment should cover that

BorisThomson

Mr.Grey wrote: »

That may be the case, but who would decide how much it will be. I want to getter a bigger house as my new partner has 2 children and when mine stay with me as well they can have a lovely home to stay in. I can make sure that when they are with me they want for nothing. I will need a bigger car for a larger family and I don't see why I should skimp so that she can stay at home for some of the week when I have to work for us all. Thanks for your input though.

Surely you want your children to "want for nothing" all the time, not just when they're with you?

You need to engage in mediation, and you will both need to make compromises. Fail to engage and that will go against you if it ends up in court.

BorisThomson

barbarawright wrote: »

Who will look after *your* children if your wife is out at work? Surely your payment should cover that

The resident parent will receive some help with childcare costs through tax credits, although that won't cover the full costs.

What is reasonable depends on lots of factors, most of which we don't know.

Mr.Grey

She goes to nursery on the days she works now, if she worked the other days I would pay for her childcare, however my new partner is at present considering becoming a child-minder so that issue would be sorted, I don't think my ex would like it but that's tough.

seashore22

I'm just going to come out and say it - can't imagine why you're getting divorced. You sound delightful.

[Deleted User]

Mr Grey, you won!!!8217;t get a balanced discussion on here with regards to divorce...
It can be very one sided the UK divorce laws, I!!!8217;m with you, spousal maintenance is a disgrace and can be expensive if your partner plays the system right.

Mr.Grey

Deleted_User wrote: »

Mr Grey, you won!!!8217;t get a balanced discussion on here with regards to divorce...
It can be very one sided the UK divorce laws, I!!!8217;m with you, spousal maintenance is a disgrace and can be expensive if your partner plays the system right.

?????? What do you mean by "8217"