Prosperous soul in the making

badmemory

Said tongue in cheek obviously - why not put all his left behind stuff after the 19th into DDs room, she may see the problem in a different light!

savingholmes

MovingForwards said:

I doubt any of us are worried you're on a slippery slope, you're explaining plans and have put thought behind it. Also, as it's just you, it will get cleared and not carried forward.

There should be ways of doing your bed, even tacking it on to the existing material. Look up car headliner pins or twist pins for a cheap fix to secure both old and new together.

As for ex, it sounds like there's a huge bag of denial and it will be last minute, if at all. Get BIL involved sooner than later.

Thanks for the faith. I suppose I'm also trying to convince myself that it's all okay (spending on CC).

I will investigate the pins.

I'm seeing Sis tomorrow so will see if they can say something - I think he's going after I've left with DD

enthusiasticsaver said:

I don't think you should be sorting his stuff out as long as you keep reminding him it needs to be gone by 19th.  How strict you are on that is up to you and depends I guess on how pro active he is about  sorting any of it out. You could charge him storage costs if it is not gone on time.

My attitude is anything still in the house beyond the 19th is mine to do with as I see fit. It looks like I'm getting to keep his double bed - which would be great as DD wants to take hers with her when she moves out - which is due to be next Spring/early Summer. I could then put it in her room so I still have a bed for her when she returns home. I'm happy her taking her bed as she spilled something on it soon after she got it so I'd rather she take it...
.

savingholmes

EssexHebridean said:

Suggestion on the situation with Ex’s stuff - speak with your solicitor and ask that they speak with his - and that it is done on the basis of asking his  solicitor to just give him a “standard reminder” that he and his stuff need to vacate the house on the agreed date. Your solicitor can even say to the other side that you’d just said a few things that gave them concerned that he might not realise this, so it won’t look like you nagging him again. It’s not in the least hard or unfair to expect him to meet the terms of an agreement that HE has agreed to, either. If the house was being sold completely he would have to vacate at the right point - and in real terms it IS being sold, to you! 

As for the spending on the mattress - it’s needed, you have thought it through, and made a plan to buy it in the most economic way possible while also getting section 75 protection. Never mind a slippery slope, that sounds remarkably MSE to me! Where’s that old spinning Martin head smiley when you need it! 😂

He pretty much sacked his solicitor - so that's a last resort option. I need to keep reiterating it's as if he sold the house - he should get out before I pay £ across on the day. (Unlikely to be able to enforce the latter bit as via a solicitor but still).

Thanks EH for the vote on the mattress. I realised recently that I have spent my life living with 'neglect' of things that mattered to me. The mattress with the poking out springs and my guilt at replacing it - is a prime example. I need to start valuing myself more - and then hopefully others will do the same. I miss Martin's spinning head too. It always made me smile.

savingholmes

badmemory said:

Said tongue in cheek obviously - why not put all his left behind stuff after the 19th into DDs room, she may see the problem in a different light!

@badmemory It's lovely having others in my corner. She effectively has a disability which makes any change hard - so I have to go easy on her.

The trip to pick her up took 3 hours!! She'd left something at her lodgings so I had to go back for it for her. Then I was desperate for the loo so we nipped in a shop and she bought food. By the time I got home I'd been away from my desk 3 hours. I'd booked half a day off in case but even so it's an annoying way to use my holidays - that I bought extra of - for me to relax with!! I then did another 2 hours work when I finally got home as I owe time - partly due to disruption caused by her and partly due to the counsellor and life admin with the divorce, mortgage etc. The latter is nearly over so that will help. 

However she went on public transport this week to college and as predicted it caused a flare up of her anxiety so there is a way to go before I can get that change through. TBF I have been amazed at how well she's coped so far with the change of accommodation, routine etc. This week she had to go to multiple sites so nothing was fixed / predictable so that was difficult for her too. She was also away from her gang of other apprentices. Next week is similar but with a different air place and then the following week she's back in a hotel. My best bet is that she passes her driving test soon and drives herself to work. She's very determined and that's her preferred option so I hope it comes off.

Ex is due to take her and pick her up for the next 2 weeks - although I doubt he'll do it the day he's due to move out. I am majorly worried I will get stuck with it thereafter - with the fuel money being the least of my worries...

BellaLasagna2018

@savingholmes, regarding upholstering the bed, I would suggest YouTube videos. There will be plenty of tutorials available on the good, I’m sure. 

savingholmes

BellaLasagna2018 said:

@savingholmes, regarding upholstering the bed, I would suggest YouTube videos. There will be plenty of tutorials available on the good, I’m sure. 

Thanks and welcome. Yes I will look into it properly post divorce. The frame itself is good and comfortable. It's just annoying at the headboard end as it's flaking. It's also dark brown which has never been my favourite colour!!

Well Ex came home with a plan. Wonders will never cease. He's borrowing a van next weekend and either BIL (married to my sis) will help or one of his friends. He's now planning to take the bed but not the dryer. He suggested I give him £75 for the latter but I just smiled and said nothing.

I spelled out the needs re DD transport and be said she needed his continued help. I also highlighted I was likely to have other bills for her for an extended period etc. Sowing seeds. I said - unless she comes and lives with you when you sort your place.... Should have seen his face....

Ex has promised to get more stuff down from the loft (it's mostly his books and empty boxes) tomorrow while I am at sis's house.

I stressed again I was expecting all his stuff gone with most of it by night before... He's going to dismantle his bed and take it and a huge chair in the van next weekend.... It's looking up again...

savingholmes

Well awake with an itchy nose in the middle of the night.... Probably time wash the bed linen 

I also looked up the value of some collectables and may try selling post divorce.

Some of my childhood hardback books are selling on Etsy at £10 each so may give that a try... Got to start somewhere. Alternatively could give them to my young niece and nephews but I think adults will treasure them more 😂.

If I can make myself sell stuff and post it, I could start listing my art. I have a lot of 20 X 20cm ones which could be a good place to start. I need to take pictures of them and work out packaging costs and materials. I potentially also need to spray them with varnish....

I need to start putting stuff on FB too. That could be a good place to sell bigger pieces and also my glass bottle light art.  Potentially need to buy more lights.

If I could up my income by selling stuff it would reduce the pressure...

peb

I've been behind hand with your diary, I thought you weren't using the lender's conveyancer but see you are.  Been trying to decide whether to comment, it's usual to cite the consent order from the ancillary relief in the TR1 (transfer deed) to reflect the real consideration - am concerned that you are referring to figures in the document.   I suggest you get this double checked - if it's done incorrectly you could end up with SDLT liability.

peb

And it depends on the lender as to if they will accept the form from your daughter emailed and printed, most do but one or two refuse.

Honeysucklelou2

Wow, it’s all coming together. The 19th isn’t that far away...hopefully all the stuff will be gone for you by the 19th.

Thats a good idea to explore selling your art work🙂.