My journey to a debt free life

Onebrokelady

Cherryfudge said:

You've been busy! I hope the tummy bug has gone. It must be better if you then did all your housework.

It's sad to hear your Dad is upset. I hope he doesn't remember that in between times. It seems as though the input from carers is going okay, though?

It's upsetting to see him crying,he tries to make conversation with mum but she doesn't engage with him so he thinks she is angry or not happy with him. Mum is just being her usual self from before he got ill and he can't remember that they didn't actually get on and used to bicker all the time. He keeps telling her how much he loves her, it's all so sad 😟

enthusiasticsaver

Oh dear that is sad about your Dad. 

Cherryfudge

That's terribly sad. I wonder if he's gone back in his memory to an earlier stage in their relationship? It's good the carers are there some of the time to break up the pattern.

Onebrokelady

enthusiasticsaver said:

Oh dear that is sad about your Dad. 

Yep it's breaking my heart 😟

Onebrokelady

Cherryfudge said:

That's terribly sad. I wonder if he's gone back in his memory to an earlier stage in their relationship? It's good the carers are there some of the time to break up the pattern.

I wish she would just humour him and pretend. I haven't had the best opinion of him my whole life because mum would always tell me what he had done to upset  her but he doesn't know that. He has cheated on her and verbally abused her in the past so I understand why she is the way she is but he is old frail and sick and is clueless. He will never hear anything but positives from me as I want to make his remaining time as stress free as possible. Mum is talking about nursing homes now so I'm not sure he will be at home for much longer. Hopefully the carers will work out. He likes attention and is always very charming to nursing staff so he should be ok with them. All the staff that looked after him when he was in hospital loved him luckily so far his temper seems to have gone along with his memory 

Onebrokelady

Met DD2 in town today because she needed to pick up some things she had ordered and go  to the library. We were going to go for a walk originally but the weather forecast wasn't too good so we decided not to go. I needed some mealworms for Babs the chicken and B needed treats.

DD2 came back for a cup of tea and picked up some more of the small bits that were left behind. After she left I decided to tackle a little job that was bugging me. I had wire from my landline attached to the top of the skirting board and around the door frame because the phone was quite a way from where the line comes in the house. The router for the internet was also attached in the same way but I moved that when DD moved out. I was going to  leave the other wire where it was but I realised that seeing as I don't have a landline any more I could actually get rid of it. I thought for some reason that it was used for the internet but it's wasn't plugged in anywhere on the router so I got rid of it today. It looks much tidier now it's gone 🎉🎉

Im working on a late tomorrow so won't be up to much else then I have Monday and Tuesday off. I'm going to mum and dads on Monday to get my hair cut then I'm  hoping to crack on with stripping my bedroom for part of Monday and all of Tuesday. I haven't started any of the projects I planned for when DD moved out but now Dads home again I should have the chance to get on with them. I'm doing my room first because it hasn't been decorated for over 10 years. I did the living room, hall ,stairs and landing last year so the main part of the house is done.
 After my room I will do the box room which won't take long at all and I really need to finish the bathroom. I keep putting it off because no matter what I do it still looks horrible in there. I really need to replace the whole bathroom but I can't afford that so will have to make do. I painted it but don't like the colour so I'm going to go over that with white then I've found grey tiles to redo the tiles but I will have to save up for them. I have grey wood effect vinyl that I bought in 2015 ( that's how long I've been faffing around with the bathroom ) so I can lay that which will improve things immensely. Of course this all relies on my health holding up so 🤞🤞🤞for that.

milann

I’m pleased your dad is home. I really love the way you’re only talking in a positive way to him to keep his days as stress free as possible. It must be hard seeing your parents that way. Mine were both relatively young when they passed away which was hard at the time but in hindsight was probably better than seeing them deteriorate with age. It’s hard whichever age they are.
Enjoy making your home ‘yours’ but don’t forget to pace yourself 👍

Onebrokelady

Today was not a good day. I went to mum and dads and my niece was there to cut our hair. She asked mum how it was going with the carers and mum said they aren't coming anymore, she has stopped them. I asked her why and she said they didn't really do anything.

They would get dad up and washed etc in the morning and the same at night. Now she will have to do it and is already complaining about how tired she is. I told her the carers were there to save her from having to do it all. I lost my temper and have now said they can sort themselves out I'm done with it. It took ages to sort those carers out  and they only lasted a week. I marched back into town when I left because I was so angry, I felt a like they were a bit safer with carers going in and had not felt as stressed but now I'm back where I started so no more I'm done.

Mum also said she hadn't told my sister yet but when she left the room my niece said the reason she asked about the carers was because she already knew from the sister that mum supposedly hasn't told yet. She's told her and can't remember. My sister also told her she doesn't like the way mum is speaking to dad which must have been bad because my sister had an even worse relationship with him than I did. 

I was really looking forward to two nice relaxing days off and now I'm wound up about it all again. 

Tomorrow im not going anywhere and I'm turning my phone off, I've told mum that if dad falls because she keeps making him walk not to call me. He has got a frame and was using it but now won't so is in danger of falling over . 

enthusiasticsaver

Oh dear your mum is a trial. Maybe she needs to realise she can’t cope so I would take a step back too. Hope tomorrow is a better day. 

Cherryfudge

It sounds horrendous. Is it worth you alerting their GP about this incident? I know you need to protect yourself but it will help the professionals build a picture. enthusiasticsaver has a good point too: perhaps your mum needs to realise she can't cope, though there's a possibility she may not process that.

Can you find something to throw your energies into over the next couple of days to distract you? Something where you can see a result so you know you've been productive.