We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum... Read More »
We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
Options
Comments
-
I think everyone deals with grief differently, it is easy to know the various stages of the grieving process and that people go between them at different paces and some get stuck on one stage or another for a long time. What is much more difficult is helping someone through the stages, this inspires fear in others so often they avoid mentioning the lost loved one or even avoid the bereaved person for fear of saying the wrong thing.
Luckily for me Mrs CRV is very much here, but with Mum, we simply talk "oh Dad would have loved that....He liked this or did that" I do think keeping the memory alive is important, so is the silence if she's lost in thought/ memories.
We all (us children lol, 52, 54 and 60) always just talk about with Mum, our children and friends about Dad, our long dead Grandparents and others who have died. I think it helps those with the memory of them and those who were born long after they died to have a sense of where they came from, what it was like in the Great War, WWII and that in fact they can trace back a long way with the living what those people they never knew did, looked like and enjoyed, lol my Great Grandfather spent his Navy pension in the junk shops and pub, if they kept what he'd bought them we'd be rich now!
The sense of loss for people is difficult and it is a case of I've just got to get on with it for most, then as time passes it changes subtly to memory and often then people draw strength from simple things. A recently widowed friend had his daughters wedding, I simply messaged don't be afraid to have pride in your daughter and enjoy the day (insert wifes name here) would have loved it and wanted everyone to have a good time and party, not mope about wishing that she was there. He had moments of sadness and reflection but told me he did enjoy the day, his first since his loss. He had been dreading it and the breakfast but enjoyed joking at his new son-in-laws expense as if his wife was there, reflected briefly that she would have loved it all and toasted them.CRV1963- Light bulb moment Sept 15- Planning the great escape- aka retirement!0 -
Thanks re the job , we will be closing before Xmas, but no idea who or what the criteria will be for the jobs available. They said they will try to accommodate others in branches nearby, but as I don't drive this will mean a long commute to any store I may be placed at, and if you refuse you are then unable to claim unemployment as you gave up your job.they won't pay redundancy.
I m like you LL , I don't let people see my emotions, though I talk about him all the time, as we did with my parents and grandparents when they died . I agree that talking about them helps and keeps their memory alive, I always make sure to talk and laugh over things hubby did with my dgson, as they were very close, and he hasn't spoke about his feelings with regard to losing his grandad, so I hope it helps I want him to know he can talk about him when he wants to.Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.0 -
Sorry about your job Wort , l hope it works out for you .
I find l talk about my loved ones who have passed a lot. It keeps their memory alive and we always recognise their birthdays and special days , I was stuck with anger for a long time when my darling MIL died. I am no longer angry l just realised . I have forgiven her for leaving us . That sounds mad l know but l am being honest.xXx-Sukysue-xXx0 -
Wort - I'm sorry to hear about the job situation. I suggest you check with Citizens Advice as any job offered has to be "suitable alternative employment" and journey time rather than journey distance can be a criteria. If the role is not suitable alternative emoloyment then you are redundant which means a redundancy payment and subsequently being able to access benefits.
I talk frequently about OH and am very comfortable about doing so. Some people seem to feel a bit awkward about talking about him but to me it is natural as is thinking about him. The undertaker told me that a widow she met had got a tattoo on her inner wrist with the letters "wwjt" which stood for "what would John think" so when she felt confused or worried she looked at that as a reassurance. I don't have the tattoo but I do often stop to consider "what would OH think or do"?0 -
Sorry about your job Wort, what a worry for you. Thank you all for your kind wishes and concern. What lovely people you all are.
I've been down at my eldest Daughters in Colchester since Tuesday, I got home this afternoon. Was lovely spending time with her, my son in law and little Grandson. I was able to get him his new startrite school shoes and uniform ready for sept!
Mick went to Ireland, however, he's struggling with his fishing. With his arm weakness he cannot reel the fish in. I think he's missing me, he's mentioned coming home early because he's not fit enough to fish. I feel so sad for him. His 2 loves are fishing and his motorbike and he will have to give them both up0 -
Sheila - you are doing very well in difficult circumstances. When my OH had his 12-18 months to live diagnosis (after the initial shock/anger/grief) we tried to focus on what we could do rather than what we couldn't do. We managed to make some happy memories and learn to try to appreciate more of the simple things that we had taken for granted. So desperately tough for you and OH but hope that you are getting support from real life and the lovely community here.0
-
Thanks, it is difficult but I have to try and be as positive as he is. Constantly worrying won't do me any good I know.
Thanks for your support. Have a lovely Sunday everyone0 -
Having been suddenly and unexpectedly widowed 5m ago aged 44. I'm left with 2 teens to raise.
Today i wanted to share in a little ray of light on my new horrible road - my beautiful dd smashed her GCSE's - she sat them just 2m after her dad passed away (both of my kids had to perform cpr on him on a school morning - he was gone an hour later from PE/DVT).
She got 12 A*'s!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D
To say i'm so bloody proud would be an understatement!!!!
I just came across this thread, so will be more active in it. Hang in there guys, we got this!! xNo one said it was gonna be easy!0 -
Having been suddenly and unexpectedly widowed 5m ago aged 44. I'm left with 2 teens to raise.
Today i wanted to share in a little ray of light on my new horrible road - my beautiful dd smashed her GCSE's - she sat them just 2m after her dad passed away (both of my kids had to perform cpr on him on a school morning - he was gone an hour later from PE/DVT).
She got 12 A*'s!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D
To say i'm so bloody proud would be an understatement!!!!
I just came across this thread, so will be more active in it. Hang in there guys, we got this!! x
You should be proud, that is a massive achievement for anyone but even more so for someone who has gone through that kind of trauma. Well done her and well done you. A ray of light.0 -
Having been suddenly and unexpectedly widowed 5m ago aged 44. I'm left with 2 teens to raise.
Today i wanted to share in a little ray of light on my new horrible road - my beautiful dd smashed her GCSE's - she sat them just 2m after her dad passed away (both of my kids had to perform cpr on him on a school morning - he was gone an hour later from PE/DVT).
She got 12 A*'s!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D
To say i'm so bloody proud would be an understatement!!!!
I just came across this thread, so will be more active in it. Hang in there guys, we got this!! x
You have every to be proud.Lost my soulmate so life is empty.
I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
Diana Gabaldon, Outlander0
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 350.8K Banking & Borrowing
- 253K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 453.5K Spending & Discounts
- 243.8K Work, Benefits & Business
- 598.6K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 176.8K Life & Family
- 257K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards