Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

White_musk

wort wrote: »

White musk I'm pleased your move has gone well, and you're feeling it's been the right thing to do, we make some strange choices when we are grieving don't we. Having nice neighbours is good and though it will take time to get exactly how you want it, it's made you feel more settled if I'm reading it right.
I kondoed my house, and I love it , I find everything easily, and it's so easy to clean and look after. I'm actually finding I want to have less and less!!
I hope you'll be happy in your new home x

Thank you Wort, oh yes, so, so, so much more settled.

Well, today the bathroom was finished (except the blinds which are fitted next week). I had new lighting put in and during the 'doing' the electrician told me my wiring came out of the ark - deep joy (not). He has recommended a full rewire. He did say I could decorate the bathroom as the rewire could be done in the bathroom via the loft, so I shall get the bathroom decorated and new flooring then that room is done. As with the kitchen we both ended up covered in plaster (bad ceilings). As you can tell this house is going to be a real project, but I feel it's well worth it for the sense of peace and contentment I feel here. I may well be mad. :rotfl:

White_musk

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Last night was a better sleep with the sleeping tablet, tonight I don't have one so it could be a long night. Afriend took me out for a coffee which broke up my day. Coming home to an empty house is so hard.

Time is your friend Torry, let yourself be as you need just now and little by little you will see yourself coping better than you thought possible. Don't allow anyone to tell you how to grieve, as I said, your grief your response to it. I live alone and genuinely thought I would go mad. I went from a wife and mum to being alone in the space of a year. I look back now and have absolutely no idea how I got here, I just did. While I would give anything to have my husband back, I've found I quite like living alone, my space, my rules, my routine. Getting to that point takes time though and as I said I couldn't even begin to tell you how I got here.

I don't always sleep well either, I had a dreadful night last night and had to be up with the larks this morning. I will keep a look out on this thread if I'm around at silly o'clock to see if you need some company. I'm glad you have managed to get out and about a little bit and managed to eat too. It's so difficult so well done.

White_musk

kittie wrote: »

I do that all the time, I ask him if I cannot find something, if I need to make a decision or when sitting reading in that sunny window, like we used to do. I say daft things like `lovely day` and when I go to bed, I always say night night to him.

I found a small curly white feather on my bed the other day, while the grandchildren were downstairs learning a new hobby from me. There is nothing in that room with feathers and the window was shut. I saw feathers lots of times in the first year, not so many now but I am coping better now, getting ready to buy a new home, all by myself and that is one great big step forward

I always longed for a 'sign' and never did get one, I so envy you.

I also chat away to him during the day, things we may have done together or things I do now I didn't used/have too. In the early days I found chatting to him/yelling at him for leaving me was a way to help the deep pain of grief in the pit of my stomach. Now, my chats are much more gentle and 'normal'.

Torry_Quine

Today I saw the counsellor and just offloaded and cried loads. Going back next week. On the way in the bus I saw our car which we sold last year. It really shocked me and I started crying which was somewhat awkward.

At least tonight I can have a sleeping tablet so will get some sleep.

Misslayed

I hope you have a peaceful night. Tomorrow is another day, with different challenges.
Virtual hug and a ham sandwich.

Torry_Quine

Not much has happened today. I feel totally drained and exhausted. Lots of crying again

Misslayed

Did you have something to eat? Maybe this is the time to use a supermarket delivery service, use 'rainy day' money - it's pouring down. Order easy, feel good food, your favourites, OHs favourites maybe, to eat in memory. The hours creep by so slowly sometimes. I can only try to empathise. Be kind to yourself. X

Torry_Quine

I had a cheese sandwich earlier. May manage some soup in a little while.

Torry_Quine

I'm in floods of tears again. How can I go on without him

seven-day-weekend

Torry I have no words. Just know that you are loved.