Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

lessonlearned

Oh dear...... now that is a tricky one.

You know I'm sure she is not the first person to do something like that, but maybe other people don't say they are going to do it beforehand and certainly not to their prospective purchaser.

Who knows what treasures may be lurking in or under the earth in the garden of a preloved house......

It does sound that she can't be bothered dealing with "stuff". Ie wanting you to take on her old furniture, stairlift, but she can't just offload everything on to you. The law clearly states that it is the vendors responsibility to leave the property empty, clear and remove all rubbish and leave the property clean and tidy.

I think you should speak to your EA and your solicitor. Inform them it is a condition of Your purchase that the house is cleared and left clean and tidy. This could include the stairlift, you should not have to pay to have this dismantled and removed.

With regards to the ashes. I suggest you speak to your soliciitor quickly, find out where you stand in law. There might be some way she can be stopped.

I think you are going to have to be firm with your vendor. Don't get too involved, even if you do like her and see the potential for a future friendship. For now keep it purely business. You can become friends after.

seven-day-weekend

Unless the solicitor says something different, I don't see how anyone can stop her scattering the ashes in what is still, at the moment, her garden. You might want perhaps to point out that they can be scattered elsewhere, somewhere they are less likely to be disturbed, (like her new garden). Even an assisted living place is sure to have some quiet spot where she can scatter them.

humptydumptybits

If ashes are scattered don't they just blow away? I've never done it so don't know but I do remember someone telling me she scattered a loved ones ashes at the beach and a gust of wind blew them all over her.


And on another note going to the hospital on the train was a bad mistake, so stressful. Caught the train all on time, no probs. Got to the first station and an announcement that the train was terminating and one hours wait for the next one. I got off asked the staff member on the platform and they just kept saying, "Got to playform whatever." A senior member of staff stepped in after I had made three attempts to explain that I would be late for the hospital. He said get the through train to the city I was going to, I had to rush as it was coming in. Great get on the train, all good. When we got to the city I suddenly thought I wonder if it stops at the smaller station in the city? Got off and asked, thank heavens I did as it didn't stop again till the next city 60 miles away. Got another train to the station, got the bus found the hospital still on time but hot, flustered and stressed.


The doctor was lovely, took his time and was very gentle. Just got to wait for results now. I'm going to drive to get the results, can't face that stress again.

[Deleted User]

I found a document and it is actually illegal to scatter ashes on someones property without their permission and they must also obtain a legal document. Ok yes a handful scattered in the rough grass at the end of the garden in secret, I wouldn`t know and that would not bother me but 2-3 kg in quite a small bed in full sight of the house and garden! Anway I have dealt with it, e mailed a very nice sensitive e mail, with a link to the legalities and a link to what I did ie a memorial forest, where she could visit him. She has agreed not to do it in the garden. However my solicitor will now add that question to the forms she has to fill in


Everything is coming at me at the moment, paperwork is full on. Already is stressful. I spotted a line, offer `subject to contract`, no it wasn`t, it was `offer subject to survey`and the document was changed after I rang.

Oh this is hard, I have to read every word and my husband was used to legal docs and could decipher all this instantly

lessonlearned

You will be fine, Kittie. You got through everything when your husband died and that was far worse. You can do this, it's a piece of cake by comparison with what went before.

Just be sure to read and check everything throughly. Take your time, make a to do list. Nicely handled about the ashes.

Well I have another three bags in the car for the charity shop and have packed another large box with kitchenalia. Will do another later. Just having a break in a nice shady spot in the garden. Staying out of the sun, it's still very fierce. I'm very tired now but I'm pleased with my progress. Little and often, a bit here, a cupboard there, not leaving it till the last minute.

For saying I have been steadily decluttering this past couple of years I still seem to have an awful lot of stuff. Still a far cry from the Minimalist Me of my aspirations. :rotfl:

lessonlearned

Humpty.....your journey sounds horrendous, especially in this heat.

Think I've overdone it today. I'm done for. Watching England - v - Belguim. Whoever wins "my"country wins. Lol.

Although Belguim are "scoring" more fouls.....

humptydumptybits

I don't like football much but have been watching with GS who staying for a few nights. I've got the school run tomorrow morning, I usually only do the afternoon one. He wasn't very impressed with the football but I think he's had a bit too much sun today and is in a bit of a grump.


LL my journey was awful, I can see the funny side now but at the time I was so stressed. The Consultant was impressed that I made it on time. I think he should be in a medical drama, definitely the heartthrob type, good job he wasn't taking my pulse.



Off to see an old friend tomorrow, another horrible journey, not far when you look at a map but not an easy drive. It will be the last visit, we should have gone today and we might have left it too late but I hope we manage to see her to say goodbye. It's never easy is it.

[Deleted User]

oh heck humpty, have a safe journey


I have had to write that gentle e mail to my vendor who quite honestly is adding to my stress. I have come straight out with what I would like and be grateful for, only 4 items and certainly not the stair lift or stacked washer and drier, which would not be to my taste. I need to get flooring in there and need to be able to accomodate the new boiler wherever the plumber sees fit


I have e mailed the solicitor with details of how much stuff she has, how she is not sorting, how I am worried that she will leave things for me to dispose of. I have asked for the house and outbuildings to be left empty apart from pre-agreed items. I have given the vendor enough warning for her to have time to sell

I have also `told` the vendor that we must now sever contact and leave things in the hands of solicitors.

I have had to do this, it has all been too intense and not good in what is already a stressful situation.

lessonlearned

Kittie.....it is now the law that the vendor must clear the property, including outbuildings etc. If she physically cannot do this then she will have to pay someone. There are plenty of clearance companies and or charities who do this, although you might also need a skip for the dross.

Discuss this with your solicitor. It might be possible for you to have a retention written into the contract. If the property is not cleared then you withhold some of the completion monies to cover your expenses in clearing out the place.

Skip hire is not cheap, especially if you might have to pay someone to load it for you. Dig your heels in. Good idea to sever contact. Let the solicitor take the flak, that's what you are paying them for.

Why have a dog and bark yourself. Lol.

Well I'm going to try acupuncture this morning. ......very brave of me. I'm a complete needlephobe.:rotfl:

[Deleted User]

Oh thank you very much LL. She is the vendor from hell and I am avoiding contact with her, not even taking my family. She sent me another e mail saying that she would be leaving things and that the stair lift would be staying out of respect to her husband and the raf. I forwarded both e mails to the EA and solicitor saying that I might likely withdraw


However I had a quick RM look today and nothing comes close. I have sent a very clear line by line final e mail to the solicitor this morning. She must leave nothing except the curtains but I would let her leave the stair lift which I will remove and dispose of within a day


Thank you very much for the wording and retention idea and tbh if that happened then it would be a house clearance co, to do it in a hurry. I don`t get headaches but was gobsmacked to see her latest e mail and now I have a headache. I am going to take cbd oil and try and get on with my tax return