Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

[Deleted User]

I am carrying on, clearing or call it downsizing or call it being sensible. My study/craft room is being worked on from this morning. I have already taken out about 18 kg of books, releasing space for pre-packing, things I am grouping and will not use again until I move.

I am very involved with the MK thread, that thread got me started three years ago and this particular room has already had 2 passes. I am now on the third and final pass and anything I leave today and in the next few days, will be moving with me. No unwanted anything

I always have in the back of my mind, when hubbie did professional photography after he retired. He took me with him to help and it was a new and lovely area for older people but it struck me, even the best apartment was one bedroom, one small living room, tiny kitchen and one bathroom. Ambience was lovely and it was built to appeal but I cannot imagine how on earth these people managed to go from family homes to tiny spaces. My last home, on a mixed development of good quality homes, one lovely 2 bedroom house was taken by a couple who came from a viacarge. I asked people how they did it and they said they had to get rid of everything and start again

These two things are enough for me, the psychology affected me deep down, hence me working so hard now, while I have energy and am well

seven-day-weekend

kittie wrote: »

I am carrying on, clearing or call it downsizing or call it being sensible. My study/craft room is being worked on from this morning. I have already taken out about 18 kg of books, releasing space for pre-packing, things I am grouping and will not use again until I move.

I am very involved with the MK thread, that thread got me started three years ago and this particular room has already had 2 passes. I am now on the third and final pass and anything I leave today and in the next few days, will be moving with me. No unwanted anything

I always have in the back of my mind, when hubbie did professional photography after he retired. He took me with him to help and it was a new and lovely area for older people but it struck me, even the best apartment was one bedroom, one small living room, tiny kitchen and one bathroom. Ambience was lovely and it was built to appeal but I cannot imagine how on earth these people managed to go from family homes to tiny spaces. My last home, on a mixed development of good quality homes, one lovely 2 bedroom house was taken by a couple who came from a viacarge. I asked people how they did it and they said they had to get rid of everything and start again

These two things are enough for me, the psychology affected me deep down, hence me working so hard now, while I have energy and am well

Hi everyone and I hope you all have productive days, in whatever form that takes.

Kittie, when we moved to this two-bed bungalow, we mostly started again. Our sofa fitted but we bought all new bedroom furniture for both bedrooms from IKEA (luckily we like IKEA furniture ) ). Our TV wouldn't fit where we wanted it to so we bought a smaller one. We bought all new white goods too as the old ones were 'old' and also a hassle to move as we were DIY-ing the move.

Our buyers of our house were a young couple with three children, first-time buyers and were delighted to accept anything we wanted to leave.

This is the second time we have started again, when we bought our house in Spain obviously all our furniture was in our UK house so we bought a load more. It all went with the house when we sold it (quite common in Spain).

I think it can be a good idea, especially if moving to a much smaller home.

lessonlearned

Kittie.....I don't know if this helps you but I came across a phrase recently......"rightsizing". So instead of thinking about downsizing which can have very negatative connotations, I tend to think in terms of rightsizing, buying a house which is right for me.

When I sold the family home I did part with a lot of my furniture... I gave some to my sons and some to the local YMCA. Most of what I have now has been bought within the last couple of years to furnish DS2s house. He doesn't need any of it now because he moved into his girlfriends house, so I've inherited it.

I also have a couple of bits at DS1s House which I shall reclaim when I move........especially a gorgeous 12 x 10 pure wool Turkish carpet which I picked up in a charity shop for £15.......immaculate condition......bargain of the century. :rotfl: Also a lovely old dresser, hand painted and lovingly restored by moi. I paid £25 for it, spent £25 on paint and materials to bring it back to life. Saw one which was almost identical in Laura Ashley for £600.

I have to say I love IKEA. They have always been great at design, as good as Heals or Conran but, In the past, their quality control did leave something to be desired. Not now. I think they have really upped their game. All my fitted wardrobes here are Ikea and they are brilliant. They really add a wow factor to the bedrooms, no one can believe they are "only" Ikea and they gobble up so much stuff.

I am soooo looking forward to refurbishing my new house. I am bursting with ideas. It will be a mix of old and new, with a few "innovations" of my own. For me it's always an ongoing thing. I'm always on the lookout for prevloved pieces to refurbish or plain Ikea pieces I can "hack". I do sell the odd piece but mainly I just do it for myself or family.

I am currently on the look out for mid century furniture. The bungalow was built in the 30s and still has many of it's original features so a couple of nice mid century pieces would work well. Alas some of the originals are now way out of my league (we are talking thousands for originals) so I shall have to make do with "mid century inspired".;)

I have also been thinking about the garden and have started taking cuttings from my favourite shrubs. I restocked my current garden from scratch and will have to do the same again in my new house.

Some people seem to take low maintenance a bit too far........a patch of turf and/or gravel and nothing else is not my idea of a garden.

[Deleted User]

lessonlearned wrote: »

Kittie.....I don't know if this helps you but I came across a phrase recently......"rightsizing".

LOVE it, rightsizing is the word I have been searching for, it was hard to express what I am doing. If I can find a house with a study or similar downstairs, then I will be able to take all my lovely freestanding storage furniture. Such a room would be future proofing ie a potential bedroom


I did some in there yesterday, the easy spinning accessories and all the felting stuff. A bit harder from now on, I have a valuable collection of things in 2 boxes already, all catalogued, wish I had never bought them but they are now destined for the grandchildren, all hand made small ornamentals and some of the makers have already died. They will be passed on, maybe sooner rather than later as one dd happened to have bought a house which had a big safe hidden under the stairs. Some things are very hard to let go but need to go

lessonlearned

Glad to be of help. "Rightsizing" does have a more positive spin doesn't it.

Well I have woken up with butterflies in my tummy again. I don't know why. I know moving is the right thing to do but I have to admit to feeling a bit overwhelmed at times. I'm sure I'll feel better once it's all done and dusted.

Although how much of my upset tummy is down to taking cbd oil yesterday.......oh well I'll just have to ride it out. To make it worse I have invited family over for dinner tonight ....it seemed like a such good idea at the time. :rotfl:

lessonlearned

Good morning

Well my dinner party went really well. We had such a nice time, 7 of us in all. I really must entertain more often. My husband was a real party animal and we entertained regularly but I've rather got out of the habit. It is enjoyable, I must make more of an effort. Having said that today I'm exhausted....:rotfl:

Off for a much needed massage this morning. Thankfully my tummy has settled. I think it was the cbd oil, such a shame it has such an unpleasant side effect because it is a good pain reliever.

Once this house move is out of the way I really must become more sociable, I can't be a hermit forever.:rotfl:

There's a big world out there, time I engaged with it .......

wort

Poppy- sending hugs- I hope all goes well for you.

Thank you all for your support. I didn't mean to leave such a short note about my anniversary, but found I couldn't write without getting upset.
The day after my sister had us all round for a get together, we sat out and enjoyed a takeaway, which was lovely. Unfortunately when I was dropped off that feeling of being alone hit and I was in floods of tears thinking of him.

Sunday my dd1 came over to make me an early birthday brunch, which was eaten in the garden with them and dgson , again I really enjoyed it.

My birthday was Monday, and I didn't spend a moment alone apart from an hour tidying after dgson went to school, and around 10pm when my sister left.
So I watched a recording on tv, and went to bed.

I'm going on a cruise tomorrow morning, which I'm either being very brave or very foolish as it's the same cruise that hubby became ill on last year! We only managed half of it and the week we missed was the places we wanted to visit, it's the same ship too.
My sister is coming with me, and the anniversary of his death is whilst we are away.
I'm hoping I can hold it together, I'm sure my sister is too!
But I felt a pull to finish the holiday we started, and know it was what I needed to do.
I think he'll be with me . X

[Deleted User]

I am hoping that you come back rested wort, with that line in the sand and that you and your sister have quality time together.

Elona, I think you are the leader of the pack re moving. You grabbed the horse first and did it and are enjoying your new home. Inspiration to us.

I pre-packed a chunk in my craft room/study yesterday, it started easy the day before, then I had to sleep on it as it became more difficult to put stuff together. I sold some excess craft stuff and made £160 and have a few lovely knitting books to try and sell, if they don`t then they don`t. What made a difference was finally deciding to release two valuable collections, to DD for their children. Two x 18 litre boxes and the paperwork has been very gracefully accepted to go into the big safe, one day for the children, with a proviso that the parents can start selling for uni fees etc. Once they have gone then I will forget about them.

I will be back into the garage later, after bigdug totes arrive, they will make all the difference and I will be able to clear the middle of the floor and will finally see the end in there

Its lonely, isn`t it? I don`t think about it but I hop from meal to meal and job to job, each hop gives me a small satisfaction, a purpose and LL you will get that purpose bigtime after you have moved. I think part of the difficulty is also leaving cosy familiarity, why so many older people never move

lessonlearned

Wort......wishing you well for the cruise. It will be emotional but I fully get why you find it necessary to do it. It's unfinished business isn't it. Good luck.

There was an element of "unfinished business" to my cruises. I felt compelled to do them. I felt that I was travelling for my husband as much as for myself. I know he wanted me to Do it, I hadn't had a break in over 10 years. I am now not really that bothered about holidays at the moment. I do have a trip to Iceland booked for next year but other than that I have no further plans for any major jaunts. I'm happy to stay put for a while.

Kittie.....Talking about "rightsizing" .....I worked out that the house I'm buying is actually just a tad bigger than the one I'm selling, but only by one square metre. :rotfl: The difference is it's a much better layout and of course has the future proofing capabilities that will be essential in years to come.

Everyone who has seen the pictures and floor plans really understands why I'm buying it. It's not just the inside layout, it's also the easy access, level gardens, and the double width entrance door, capable of dealing with even a large tilt in space wheelchair. I learnt a lot from looking after my husband in situ, what works, what doesn't, it's not quite as simple as just putting in a stairlift and substituting a shower for a bath.

My youngest son said the reason he was a bit unsure was because the house is rather dark inside but when I showed him what Intend to do he was won over. He's also a bit concerned that he won't be able to help me much but I've assured him I have enough money in the pot to pay for help so I think he feels reassured now.

My kids are so protective of me. I understand why, but I am perfectly capable of managing this. I just need to pace myself. And they need to stop being so overprotective. :rotfl:

Yes I agree Elona has made her home sound lovely and comfortable. Elona you have certainly inspired me. Deep down I know I can do it, but yes I do get the odd wobble. I think it's probably quite normal to be a tad apprehensive. I've bought and sold on my own before I married, so I know I can do it again but it is different this time. I think widowhood can rob us of our confidence a bit. At least it has me but I think I am gradually rebuilding my self confidence.

I realise that it will probably take a couple of years to lick the house into shape, simply because I don't have shedloads of money to throw at it but that's ok. The plan is to move in, make it clean, comfortable, and cosy for the winter and then start the work early next summer.

I'm just going to take my time, and not go at it in my usual bull at a gate fashion. :rotfl: Just pace myself and the budget and get to enjoy the creative process.

Elona_2

Kittie and LL

I feel I should point out the horse was more of a broken down old nag. But it did have a good location, bedrooms upstairs and two bathrooms as well as two bedrooms downstairs I had knocked into one.

LL

The front door is a single as is the kitchen door but the conservatory has double doors leading out to the side path so that is worth considering. I am still waiting for a starting date to eradicate the bamboo and level and replace the patio and then I might be able to relax a bit. Dds etc think the internal garage could be a good multi functional space once nice flooring is put down and tidied with the table being used as a buffet or as an art and crafts space etc a couple of rugs put down, toybox etc.

I need to dash off the York to see a dd so hugs to all..