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Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

edited 30 November -1 at 12:00AM in Over 50s Money Saving
1.1K replies 194K views


  • jaybeejaybee Forumite
    1.5K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Long time no post!

    Sooo . . . Wednesday this week is the long awaited inquest. Eight months of anxiety and worrying about it will finally end. I have no idea how I will be on the day. I am so much hoping that I will not have to say anything . . . I am hopeless at that. Sometimes I can cope . . . and sometimes I am a gibbering wreck. I'm sure they will have seen it all before but I do hate appearing to be weak and failing! Have any of you had to cope with an inquest? Part of me is saying that it will be just another Wednesday and it will come and go and whatever happens I will cope one way or another. Hopefully, afterwards I will be able to begin to move forwards although I am quite expecting it to bring the reality of his final days back to the fore.

    I hope that doesn't all sound too selfish on my part.

    I have been reading about all the exciting plans with house moves etc. Really I would like to move but (financially) it isn't an option. I did find my dream apartment but it is in Northumberland - and I'm in Dorset!!! Not practical on so many levels but I just know it would have been right for me.

    I did buy the Pressure King (the small one) and have enjoyed experimenting with it. It is just right for me and I have several portions of Spaghetti Bolognese in the freezer ready for those *can't be bothered* days - there are quite a lot of those!

    Hope you are all enjoying the long awaited better weather!
  • irisiris Forumite
    1.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Jaybee, I was so sorry to hear that you have had such a long wait for your husband's Inquest.

    I didn't have such a long wait as you before attending my husband's Inquest. For me, it was very informal and soon after the Inquest I received the formal 'proper' Death Certificate stating the cause of death.

    Whilst I found the Inquest caused me to be anxious and tearful, as obviously it brought back sad memories, the Coroner was very thoughtful and tried to make me feel at ease.

    However, I was glad when it was all over.

    I shall be thinking of you tomorrow. HTH
  • jaybeejaybee Forumite
    1.5K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Thank you so much for your personal experience of your husband's Inquest.

    I really can't imagine that they are going to come up with anything that I don't already know and no doubt I am over-thinking things - I'm quite good at that!

    Anxiety is running at high level - I do wish I could be be more in control of any random emotions! Ironically H used to call me a control freak! My answer always was the I liked to be organised!

    Tomorrow will come and go and I will survive it one way or another.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Forumite
    0 posts
    MoneySaving Newbie
    oh jaybee, I will be thinking of you, having to run the roller coaster of emotions all over again but teatime tomorrow it will all be over.

    I was in northumberland for three years and loved it, the beautiful countryside and the people.
  • jaybeejaybee Forumite
    1.5K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Thank you kitty. I'm sure all your kind thoughts will help to keep me going!

    At the moment I am feeling quite sick with anxiety. As you say, by tomorrow afternoon it will be over and I will be able to level out again at home.

    This afternoon I shall take myself out for a walk to see the bluebells and try to get things in perspective.
  • lessonlearnedlessonlearned Forumite
    13.3K posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    Hello Jaybee......just sending you hugs. Hope all goes well. Your feelings of anxiety over this are to be expected. However I think you will find the coroner and the court officials will be very sympathetic and understanding.

    You will get through it and then tomorrow will be a fresh start for you. It will be over and you can file it in the box marked "the past" .

    One more day and you will be done.

  • jaybeejaybee Forumite
    1.5K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Thank you lessonlearned.

    I am sure that the Coroner et al will have seen it all before and know how to deal with the whole gamut of emotions that arise.

    As you say - after tomorrow it will be over and I can begin to concentrate on a new normal for me!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Forumite
    0 posts
    MoneySaving Newbie

    we are with you on your journey
  • poppy811poppy811 Forumite
    175 posts
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Jaybee, thinking of you today. I attended an inquest some years ago and the coroner was so kind. I hope you will have a similar experience.

    This afternoon I am finally meeting with a stonemason to order a headstone for my husbands grave. I would like it in place before the second anniversary of his death in July. I have given a lot of thought to the inscription and hope I have got it right. The churchyard is only 2 doors up from my cottage. I know a lot of people find comfort in visiting the grave of their loved one but not me. I do want the grave tidy and marked though.
  • itsanneitsanne Forumite
    5K posts
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Jaybee, thinking of you today.
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
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