Can't afford a baby :'-(

EndofTether

My partner and I would love to start a family of our own within the next 12 months but our financial situation is looking bleak:

I earn 21K salary and can get 52 weeks maternity pay at standard rate (£140pw)

Partner earns 20K....but....

he pays the mortgage on his ex wife's house (£250pcm) and pays child support for their 2 children (£250 pcm). Basically, I did the maths and we would need to find £200 every month for the first 3 years of our future child's life just to cover rent, bills and childcare - this includes me going back to work full time.

My question to the forum is: What benefits can we hope to get? What help is there for a hard working couple of which the man happens to be supporting a previous family? I'm terrified I'm going to lose out on my chance to have a child.

Many thanks

BorisThomson

Why is he still paying the ex's mortgage?

How old are you, and what are you both doing to increase your income?

spadoosh

Not sure about benefits. We earn £43k and get child benefit of £20 a week.

Youve done the exact same thing as my OH. "we cant afford children" ... "well no, not if you plan on having a year off work we cant" ...

you dont have to take 52 weeks maternity leave (the minimum you have to take is 2 weeks). So there might be some money in there.

In all honesty ive not found it that expensive, at least not yet. Weve mitigated things by working opposite shifts (barely any family time) and having grandparents watch for a few days a week. Most of the luxuries have gone but then the time to enjoy them disappeared too so were hardlylosing out.

The money you need is right there. The problem is getting it or more specifically stopping it.

Comms69

EndofTether wrote: »

My partner and I would love to start a family of our own within the next 12 months but our financial situation is looking bleak:

I earn 21K salary and can get 52 weeks maternity pay at standard rate (£140pw)

Partner earns 20K....but....

he pays the mortgage on his ex wife's house (£250pcm) and pays child support for their 2 children (£250 pcm). Basically, I did the maths and we would need to find £200 every month for the first 3 years of our future child's life just to cover rent, bills and childcare - this includes me going back to work full time.

My question to the forum is: What benefits can we hope to get? What help is there for a hard working couple of which the man happens to be supporting a previous family? I'm terrified I'm going to lose out on my chance to have a child.

Many thanks

An idea: stop paying her mortgage?....

gettingtheresometime

BorisThomson wrote: »

Why is he still paying the ex's mortgage?

How old are you, and what are you both doing to increase your income?

Perhaps he's doing it to secure his equity in the house?

dipsy

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Perhaps he's doing it to secure his equity in the house?

Is his name on the mortgage?
how much equity is in the house?
is the £250 a voluntary amount or by CSA /court etc?
Does his ex wife work?


look on here for what you would be able to claim for

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

TBF 52 weeks out of work for maternity is an awful lot, I guess people only tend to take that time off if there are complications or they have enough money

I took 2 weeks before my children were born and was back working within 9 weeks with first (and moved to another country) and 10 with the second (self employed) I needed the money so I had to work

suki1964

Back in August, you were posting facing homelessness after having lost your job and saying your partner had just got divorced

Do you not think you may be rushing things?

Take a year, save, see if this relationship is going to run the course

EndofTether

Thanks for all responses and advice.

To answer all questions:

I'm 32 and he's 34. We've been together for 2 years and are solid as a rock, plan to marry next year and start a family soon after. I'm thinking well in advance here.

We both took new jobs in november and are probably not gonna be getting any payrises for a while. Who knows!

In the divorce he agreed to keep joint mortgage as he felt guilty about the whole thing. He would have to take it to court to get out of it. Hardly any equity and she wouldn't agree to sell in a million years.

His CSA is legally obliged for the 2 children. He's paying minimum amount.

And yes to last comment.... 2017 was !!!!ing rough. It nearly tipped me over the edge but we are now in a great place and looking forward to a wonderful future together. I just wanna make sure it can work out before getting my hopes up.

All I can currently afford to save per month is £50 due to a bank loan which has 12 months left on it.

I probably wouldn't take whole 52 weeks off as I'll need to work but then childcare becomes a massive expenditure so I don't know....

elsien

If he's paying half the mortgage, doesn't that make the house half his? So she's going to have to give him his share at some point even if it's not till the kids are older. Have they made a proper financial settlement? Just thinking if she stops paying for any reason the mortgage company will come after him.

Try putting the figures in entitledto or turn2us and see what it comes up with.

stoozie1

52 weeks mat leave all paid at the same rate sounds really unusual/unlikely OP. Are you sure it isn't 1 rate for 6 weeks, then 6 months at xxx, 3m at SMP and 3 unpaid?

BorisThomson

EndofTether wrote: »

Thanks for all responses and advice.

To answer all questions:

I'm 32 and he's 34. We've been together for 2 years and are solid as a rock, plan to marry next year and start a family soon after. I'm thinking well in advance here.

We both took new jobs in november and are probably not gonna be getting any payrises for a while. Who knows!

In the divorce he agreed to keep joint mortgage as he felt guilty about the whole thing. He would have to take it to court to get out of it. Hardly any equity and she wouldn't agree to sell in a million years.

His CSA is legally obliged for the 2 children. He's paying minimum amount.

And yes to last comment.... 2017 was !!!!ing rough. It nearly tipped me over the edge but we are now in a great place and looking forward to a wonderful future together. I just wanna make sure it can work out before getting my hopes up.

All I can currently afford to save per month is £50 due to a bank loan which has 12 months left on it.

I probably wouldn't take whole 52 weeks off as I'll need to work but then childcare becomes a massive expenditure so I don't know....

You're only thirty two, your fertility isn't going to fall off a cliff in the near future.

How much are you paying for the loan? In twelve months you'll have that money free.

You need to establish what the arrangement is with the ex and the house. On a low salary it's unrealistic to maintain two households, and nor is it to be expected.