Can't afford a baby :'-(

Comms69

EndofTether wrote: »

Jesus Christ. I meant it literally as in they are not my blood so I will never be able to exercise my full maternal instinct with them. Is that more clear?!

So you'll prefer your own child? Poor kids....

EndofTether

OBVIOUSLY!!!

I'm out of here. I forgot how pathetic and judgemental and petty forums are.

Comms69

EndofTether wrote: »

OBVIOUSLY!!!

I'm out of here. I forgot how pathetic and judgemental and petty forums are.

For many people, it's far from OBVIOUS.... why don't you tell your partner your views....

fairy_lights

EndofTether wrote: »

Yes - it was his idea! He is a super paternal guy and loves children. He had to talk me into the idea. !!!!!!, I came here asking for help, not judgement.

Well if he wants to be able to afford another kid then he needs to stop paying for his ex's mortgage. From an outside perspective I have to wonder why he won't deal with the situation that is most affecting your finances.

starting_again_in_the_sun

I do feel sorry for your situation OP, but that comment sounded awful. However, I think we all can understand that it's easy to misinterpret things!

The way I see it; your partner's two children are already alive and therefore their needs must take priority over any future child he may have. You talk about his Ex 'living in luxury', I assume his kids also benefit.

Personally I'm not sure that £3,000 a year per child is really that unfair an amount.

Hopefully one of you gets a promotion soon!

Good luck.

suki1964

I got together with a man at the same age as you, who also had two children

Yes it used to stick in my caw that the ex had new furniture every other year, only worked pt, etc etc etc. But the maintenance he was paying was for his children. There was no spousal maintenance, it was for the children and how she decided how best to spend it had nothing to do with us as long as the children’s needs were met

I have chosen not to have children. We could have done, but you know I’m the selfish sort, didn’t want to have to work 24/7 to afford to bring one into the world, didn’t want to give up my holidays , didn’t want to put the dream house on hold. So I satisfied myself with the two my husband already had

On my 50th, our daughter paid me the compliment, that whilst I was never her blood Mum, she loved and appreciated me for always being there for her

My grandchildren are my pride and joy

Woe betide anyone who says our kids and grandchildren aren’t mine

cantcope

i think the first thing to do would be for both of you to start looking for better paid work. In the meantime start up a part time job you can do from home avon/body shop/ann summers parties etc... use that money to start saving.
If you are getting married perhaps rather than gifts make it clear that you want to start a family so would appreciate token gifts if people want to get you a gift to help make that happen.
childcare aren't that expensive, its the childcare that is. It's changed recently (i was a year too fast having my son!) so you'll get 30 free hours once they are 2 or 3 i think. i got 15 once he was 3.... but it meant the 2 years previously i had to pay most of my salary on childcare.
You should be able to get child benefit and working/child tax credits.
take a look onthe tax credits calculator

I don't disagree with your ex helping keep his children with a roof over their heads rather than forcing them to move somewhere smaller or not as nice. That's the sort of father we all want for our own children so don't force him to be a man you wouldn't want doing that to you and your child.

Good luck. I feel you should at least be congratulated on realising that its a financial decision as well as a heartfelt one.

NineDeuce

You should work harder and start earning more....

pollyanna24

Won't his maintenance payments to the two children he has go down if there is a new baby into the mix?

System

EndofTether wrote: »

He's terrified of ex wife's family - they are rough and have threatened him before. He is under the impression she would never agree to any private agreement. From what I know she believes it's her god given right to live in a big house that he pays for. Maybe she will soften with time, who knows.

I find it really frustrating that she is living in the lap of luxury and we are always totally broke. Since he moved out she has bought new furniture, TVs, re-turfed the lawn (who even does that?!) and admitted she puts the whole £250 CSA in a savings account and doesn't touch it!!! The unfairness is infuriating. I could lose out on having a baby because he is providing her with a lavish lifestyle.

Every time I talk to him about it he changes the subject. He has promised to talk to his parents and get some independent legal advice but he is yet to do it...

You can nag him as much as you like but if he's scared of them he will never stand up to them.

You either accept that this is your lot or move on.

As for your Stepchildren. They are not of your blood but they are part of the man you love. They are your family.