advice

Red-Squirrel_2

Archergirl wrote: »

Yes, that's all you can do I think the parent is all that matters, maybe you could drop them a line explaining the situation and what you are doing to try to sort it out. Perhaps you could ask your local charity shops if they get a commode in to save it for you, I have seen one in our from time to time...
Good luck with your new job I hope it goes well,

Who would do the assessment to make sure its all safe and suitable for mum's specific needs though? It sounds like its more involved than just a commode.

Its not something you want to do badly!

Tabbytabitha

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Who would do the assessment to make sure its all safe and suitable for mum's specific needs though? It sounds like its more involved than just a commode.

Its not something you want to do badly!

Many people who pay for equipment themselves wouldn't dream of involving social services - it certainly never crossed our minds when buying stuff for my husband.

Red-Squirrel_2

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Many people who pay for equipment themselves wouldn't dream of involving social services - it certainly never crossed our minds when buying stuff for my husband.

Do you never need/want to consult people with expertise in this area such as physios or occupational therapists?

Savvy_Sue

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Who would do the assessment to make sure its all safe and suitable for mum's specific needs though? It sounds like its more involved than just a commode.

Its not something you want to do badly!

Well you know what has been deemed safe and suitable in her usual home, so you've got a head start. I've suggested the Red Cross for loan equipment, and they do a basic check. For example, I was borrowing a wheelchair, and they checked whether the user would be self-mobilising for starters. They also checked whether they were OK sitting up and discussed the advantages and disadvantages of using a seat belt.

Tabbytabitha

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Do you never need/want to consult people with expertise in this area such as physios or occupational therapists?

I think if you're reasonably intelligent and can use the internet you can find all the information you need rather than having someone tell you what's best for you. Obviously that may depend on the degree of disability and how specialised the equipment needed.

Tabbytabitha

dipsy wrote: »

That's great that you have the means, as it happens the adult team can't help as it is temporary

We don't have the means or the room to do a permanent set up as we only have two rooms downstairs at home and they are not mobile so need to be downstairs

The idea was to try and offer some solutions by means of having them stay over Christmas

Short of renting out a house near by for Christmas I'm clean out of ideas & just sad by the lack of communication

Sorry, I was questioning the need for specialised guidance rather than making a point about buying your own stuff.😀

Red-Squirrel_2

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

I think if you're reasonably intelligent and can use the internet you can find all the information you need rather than having someone tell you what's best for you. Obviously that may depend on the degree of disability and how specialised the equipment needed.

Yes, that's true. Somebody who is reasonably mobile but just can't manage long distances or stairs say, will have much more easily managed needs than somebody who is totally bedbound and immobile and unable to do anything for themselves. I don't know for sure but from the OP's posts I assumed her mum was at the more severe end of the scale.

I wouldn't dismiss the professionals, there's a reason they exist! For a short visit some googling by a relative may do the trick but longer term expert input can make a lot of difference.

BrassicWoman

If you are going to do anything at xmas I think it's you has to travel and stay. Too much upheaval for the elderly and unwell otherwise.

As a sibling I might be thinking "typical, everything revolves around them, how on earth as we meant to get our parents all packed and moved just so sibling can have an easy time of it in their own house? As much use as a choclate teapot. Well, there's no point even replying, we'll just get on as normal."

If they are not replying, and you are offering all you can, just carry on as usual.

elsien

dipsy wrote: »

nope, it is their voice on the vm and as this has been going on for months, until they have a melt down then they are quick to pick up the call to vent, so this is highly improbable, also they have had emails which they ignore until they want something then they find the ability to send an email.

oh well what will be will be, will do the best for parent to best of ability and leave them to get on with whatever their issue is, I can't see what else can be done.

When they next phone, if you answer interrupt the vent before it starts. You've done your best, you've tried to offer help, your suggestions haven't been discussed or taken on board.

I'd now go down the broken record technique of "I'm happy to discuss this/meet up when you're less upset, but I'm not here to be shouted at. When would be a better time for us to talk properly?"

Tabbytabitha

dipsy wrote: »

think if you're reasonably intelligent and can use the internet you can find all the information you need rather than having someone tell you what's best for you. Obviously that may depend on the degree of disability and how specialised the equipment needed.


It's a mute point now.... I can Google things but actually was after some input from people that may have had similar experiences

Have taken on board need to sort a bed and stay overnight on the visit
Have take. On board unfair to expect an elderly /unwell person to do the journey

Will do a stay at theirs over Christmas holiday period...was daft to think could bring them to home but was trying to give sibling break for whole holiday period

Online input from people with similar experiences is "using the internet" isn't it?

Does she live somewhere that you could book a family holiday nearby so all the family could visit on a regular basis? One of our best Christmases was when we booked a studio flat near my elderly parents and visited every day.

ETA
Apologies, I've just seen that you've already thought of my suggestion - could be worth following it up.