advice

Tabbytabitha

cjdavies wrote: »

You can get a commode
https://www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/bathroom-aids/toilet-aids/commodes

My grandfather had this when coming to my parents for dinner.

I was going to suggest a commode - the oxygen needn't be a problem.

BorisThomson

Why can you not go and stay for a few days at a time? You can search for work wherever you are, and ease the burden on those that do live nearby.

The fact that you don't know what needs doing speaks volumes, you need to go and spend a decent amount of time there to understand your parent's needs.

You're not doing enough, it's a fact. You need to think about what you can do to help and stop making excuses to avoid it.

mrschaucer

If the parent now needs more care in the sheltered accommodation than all the siblings between them can manage together, given all their individual circumstances, then perhaps the time has come to consider a move to residential care?

Red-Squirrel_2

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

the oxygen needn't be a problem.

This would have to be checked with the home oxygen team who is responsible for providing and monitoring it, not just assumed.

springiness

Possibly they're enjoying playing the hard-done-to card?

The reason I suggest this is I've heard the "woe is me - my siblings don't pull their weight" tale from a relative caring for her parents and felt sorry for her.

Until I heard her on the phone turning down offers of help from her siblings. I think she secretly enjoyed the attention and sympathy she got for doing so much.

This might not be the case but the not calling you back, for months, to talk about what help they need is odd.

Archergirl

I hope they get back to you, it's really difficult when this sort of thing happens, the others think you're not pulling your weight but it seems that they like to make all the decisions without you anyway...

maman

I can only assume that because of the timing of this message they want a different Christmas next year.


Do you know what 2017 arrangements were?


I think your email sounded fine but if they choose not to respond then it's difficult for you to do much more than you're doing.


If you haven't heard from them by the next time you plan to visit just text to say you're coming and see if they'll meet you in person to discuss it.

Tabbytabitha

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

This would have to be checked with the home oxygen team who is responsible for providing and monitoring it, not just assumed.

The vast majority of people on LTOT have a concentrator these days, not tanks. The concentrator isn't large and can go in the car and be taken out at the other end. The only thing would be to check that any ambulatory oxygen was enough to cover the journey.

smartpicture

I don't think calling them childish in an email is going to improve matters.

But I agree, if you're unemployed why cant you spend several days at a time there? The cost of travel will be the same. And you would meet the carers and can arrange any changes with them directly. You could buy a fold-out bed / mattress very cheaply if the sofa is uncomfortable.

It does seem like you're making excuses, same with Xmas. Yes, there would be inconveniences and annoyances to you, but surely your siblings are experiencing more significant and regular inconveniences and annoyances.

Forget about asking what they want - just make the effort yourself to spend more time with your mum helping out.

elsien

That's a bit harsh, considering OP has her own family and mum doesn't appear to have said what she wants to do next Christmas. It's her decision
as well. She might not want a 7 hour drive to spend time in an unfamiliar house.