Some of the things he says...

Marvel1

Why are you still together?

Batman2017

Get rid of him, if he respected you then he wouldnt bully you.

FreddieFrugal

Just swearing at you is bad enough really. But also adding on the 'council house' bit to make it a derogatory phrase that he repeatedly uses is just bullying behaviour.

It's not normal or healthy and it's certainly not something you'd find in a good relationship of any kind. Let alone with your partner.

Yes some couples swear at each other or name call. My wife and I have done before when we've been really cross at each other. But nothing really personal or cutting.

To balance that out we spend the vast majority of the time saying positive things to each other!

Repeatedly making venomous comments that he knows upset you without any particular trigger - like in your example where you just said you'd plug his phone in for him - it's just nasty abusive behaviour.

Makes me worry what he'll move on to next...

Don't accept it from him - he needs to stop immediately.

If he won't you really should leave - I know it's difficult especially if you've already purchased somewhere together. But you should never stay in an abusive relationship.

Give yourself the opportunity to start again with someone who respects you.

Pollycat

OP, if I were you, I'd sit down with the threads you've started relating to this man - including these:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5572007

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5633604

and have a good think about what advice you'd give to a friend who was being treated as you are being treated.

Archergirl wrote: »

Dump him.........

I'd guess your advice would be this ^^^^ - it would certainly be my advice to one of my friends:

The swearword he is using to you is disrespectful and degrading.
Do you not think you deserve better than this?

Greta_Sharbo

In one of the other threads that is linked you mention that "he wears the trousers".

You should either both be wearing them or no-one wears them!

JIL

Do you swear at him?

Is it just one sided?

I have picked up on the bit about you owe him half of the money towards the stamp duty but you say you are rubbish with money and have spent the money on other things. Are you having big arguments about this or do you just stay silent when it is mentioned and this is where the abuse stems from, is he trying to get a reaction, because you don't appear to be listening. I don't condone his actions, but most couples argue about money, according to some recent survey, you don't listen, in his eyes so he says something that he knows will get a reaction
.
You were offered advice on other threads and you are still with him so there must be something making you stay.

Edit I have just read the other threads, you were arguing before because you had no space as you were in a one bedroom flat. Then it was all the equity/money was his.

You need to decide if this kind of relationship is really what you want. Will things ever change?

hcb42

I agree with many of the above posters - this doesnt sound like it is a good relationship and it won't ever change

pearl123

Perhaps read "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft."

It might help you recognize more ways that you are being abused and controlled.
The problems is sometimes we can excuse the little things so that we don't make a scene and then the abuser starts getting away with more and more.

svain

If you break down the phrase ... Is it the term "council house" that bothers you more or the following word??

AylesburyDuck

I'm going to take the c word right out of the equation as frankly i think it's irrelevant, depends on the household as to whether it's offensive or not, however......
What is more important is the usage of ANY words to get a desired effect, he knows it upsets/offends you, he knows it winds you, yet he continues to do it anyhow.
Their is no love or respect there or he wouldnt do it.
Tell him in plain terms it stops and stop now or thats the end of the relationship,and if he doesnt you have your answer. If you've already done that then why are you still with him, the fault then lies with you if you continue to allow yourself to be treated in this way.