Buying together - bit of a shambles

dilemma10

Hi all, this is going to be a long rambling message so any help is really appreciated. My partner and I have been living together for just over 2 years, he bought his apartment 4 years ago. I contribute to his mortgage/bills as to be expected in the form of board. We have now got to the stage where we would like to buy together. Some background detail - he got rather lucky in the sense that his property in the last 4 years has risen in value by over £50k; given his initial deposit and mortgage payments over 4 years he now has approx. £85k equity. I don't think he realized this at first so our plan was to save up jointly towards a house, buying it next summer. However, when he realized he had so much equity he brought the purchase of the house forward to this summer, justifying that he would put up all of the deposit through the sale of his flat.


I have been very clear that as this is all of his deposit - we should get a lawyer who will draw up that he owns more of the house than I do, I am not in this to get access to what is rightfully is. He did not seem to bothered about this - but I would insist.


The big problem is - I earn the same as he does but am 11 years younger, I work really hard and have a good career but let's just say I was a little daft in previous years so my credit rating is shockingly poor; I don't have many debts (less than £500) but my repayment conduct on a small credit card this year has set us back and we cannot get a mortgage together. A broker has said we need to wait until July. I cross-checked this with other brokers who have said it won't improve by July. My other half keeps pressurizing me by saying 'You better have fixed your report by July'. I am in a panic about this - as I know it won't go up much by July.


The other problem is - because of the strain of getting this sorted, we are now up and down in our relationship. This week he has been saying it's unfair that he is putting up all of the deposit.


Cut a long story short, my broker said I would be better off not being named on the mortgage but finding a deal where my name gets added to the deeds, but I don't feel comfortable with this - bearing in mind I would be paying 50/50 into the mortgage.


Are we rushing? Am I punishing myself too much here and is my other half being unreasonable - one minute we are looking around new build houses the next minute he's saying he's unhappy about the deposit.


One thing is for sure, we are about to kill each other living in a one bedroom flat is taking its toll.


Should we just wait?

juniordoc

Presumably if you have been contributing to the maintenance of this property for the last 2 years then the equity it has built up does not exclusively belong to him?
I know you've not invested any of the initial deposit towards his first property, but surely your contributions are worth something? Although determining an exact amount would be tricky, perhaps a solicitor could help you define what is a fair representation of your contributions?

Is there anything you could be doing to improve your credit rating but aren't? What more can your partner reasonably expect of you?

KRB2725

Why does not being named on the mortgage trouble you?

dilemma10

Penitent wrote: »

I don't mean this in an insulting way, but I think you need to sort out your relationship before you make such a large financial decision. If you're just about to kill each other after two years, is it a good idea to create a potentially long-term, joint financial link?

You're not being insulting - I think we are both starting to realize the same thing - the money issue seems to be driving us apart lately in the sense that, originally the plan was to save for next year and by that time I know my credit report would be much better but he has decided all of a sudden to bring it forward to this summer and then expects me to have everything in order. I am in a different financial situation to him - if the shoe were on the other foot I would release the equity but protect myself legally to better both of us and thank the other person for their contributions over 2 years which no doubt have massively helped him.

Newbie78

Ok so a few things here which I can relate to


My other half has put the majority of the deposit into our new home, but did this with the knowledge that we are a couple and the house is for us not him. I earn more and have the potential to earn much more and will pay back more on the mortgage as we go. There is no agreement other than we are committed to one another and we have (touch wood) never been on or off in 7 years.


Some may say he is crazy for not signing anything in advance but this is our agreement.


From the sounds of things he is already getting cold feet or just being harsh in telling you to hurry up and then getting annoyed about having to pay the deposit. This won't go well in the long term if he plays games and makes you always feel guilty


What does your gut tell you, does he want to do this on his own or as a couple?

alex_163163

I agree with the above - it seems you should hold off on this massive purchase until things are more decided between the two of you, and you are on the same page.


And from what you have said, I think your other half is being very unreasonable!
He suggested using all his equity as the deposit to bring the purchase forward, but is now moaning about having to do it. He shouldn't have said that in the first place in that case!
Also he has decided to bring the timescales forward, with no consideration for you. Yes, your finances aren't in the best situation but that is why you had your original plan. If he wants to buy with you and build a life together then he should be happy to move at a time you are both comfortable, in my opinion!


I am in quite a similar situation to yourself but in reverse. I am the one that has the equity and my boyfriend doesn't. He doesn't have any adverse credit history however so it has made it simpler in that respect.
He moved into my flat which I already owned. I asked him to contribute to utilities, food etc, but not the mortgage. I took the flat on on my own so felt that it was my responsibility to pay the mortgage.
We have now decided to buy somewhere together, and like your partner I found out that I had more equity than I realised so we brought our move forward to this year. This meant he hadn't saved as much as he would have liked, but in total we had enough to facilitate the move.
In the end we have done the following:
I have put up £22k from my equity. He is contributing £3k from his savings. We are going into the purchase as 'tenants in common with an equal share (50:50 ownership), HOWEVER we have put a deed of trust in place that in the event of selling due to a break up, I will have rights to the first £19k (after mortgage and fees etc) and then split any remaining equity 50:50, as we will be paying the mortgage 50:50.
Like you, neither of us are in this to financially gain something that isn't ours, but I am trying to protect my higher investment in the deposit with the deed of trust. I don't even want to own more of the house than my boyfriend - I would just want my initial investment back if we broke up and sold. Some may argue this is not the best way to do it, but it is what makes most sense to me and our situation.


And I would agree with you - I would want to be on the mortgage and deeds too if we were splitting the mortgage payments 50:50.


In answer to your last question, yes I think you should wait until you are both more on the same page.

dilemma10

Newbie78 wrote: »

Ok so a few things here which I can relate to


My other half has put the majority of the deposit into our new home, but did this with the knowledge that we are a couple and the house is for us not him. I earn more and have the potential to earn much more and will pay back more on the mortgage as we go. There is no agreement other than we are committed to one another and we have (touch wood) never been on or off in 7 years.


Some may say he is crazy for not signing anything in advance but this is our agreement.


From the sounds of things he is already getting cold feet or just being harsh in telling you to hurry up and then getting annoyed about having to pay the deposit. This won't go well in the long term if he plays games and makes you always feel guilty


What does your gut tell you, does he want to do this on his own or as a couple?

Really really helpful and insightful post - thank you. My instinct is he wants to do it but he gets resentful about the money when we bicker about other stuff (which incidentally is the state of the current flat/chores around it). I think he uses it as ammunition.

Either way I feel massively pressured to sort my rating out but don't know how I can do any more with it in the impossible time frames which have been brought forward!

dilemma10

alex_163163 wrote: »

I agree with the above - it seems you should hold off on this massive purchase until things are more decided between the two of you, and you are on the same page.


And from what you have said, I think your other half is being very unreasonable!
He suggested using all his equity as the deposit to bring the purchase forward, but is now moaning about having to do it. He shouldn't have said that in the first place in that case!
Also he has decided to bring the timescales forward, with no consideration for you. Yes, your finances aren't in the best situation but that is why you had your original plan. If he wants to buy with you and build a life together then he should be happy to move at a time you are both comfortable, in my opinion!


I am in quite a similar situation to yourself but in reverse. I am the one that has the equity and my boyfriend doesn't. He doesn't have any adverse credit history however so it has made it simpler in that respect.
He moved into my flat which I already owned. I asked him to contribute to utilities, food etc, but not the mortgage. I took the flat on on my own so felt that it was my responsibility to pay the mortgage.
We have now decided to buy somewhere together, and like your partner I found out that I had more equity than I realised so we brought our move forward to this year. This meant he hadn't saved as much as he would have liked, but in total we had enough to facilitate the move.
In the end we have done the following:
I have put up £22k from my equity. He is contributing £3k from his savings. We are going into the purchase as 'tenants in common with an equal share (50:50 ownership), HOWEVER we have put a deed of trust in place that in the event of selling due to a break up, I will have rights to the first £19k (after mortgage and fees etc) and then split any remaining equity 50:50, as we will be paying the mortgage 50:50.
Like you, neither of us are in this to financially gain something that isn't ours, but I am trying to protect my higher investment in the deposit with the deed of trust. I don't even want to own more of the house than my boyfriend - I would just want my initial investment back if we broke up and sold. Some may argue this is not the best way to do it, but it is what makes most sense to me and our situation.


And I would agree with you - I would want to be on the mortgage and deeds too if we were splitting the mortgage payments 50:50.


In answer to your last question, yes I think you should wait until you are both more on the same page.

Thank you so much - this was really incredibly helpful and insightful as I have been made to feel the let down and I am rather upset/frustrated about it!

fairy_lights

Why is your OH so eager to buy this summer instead of next year?
It sounds like moving up the property ladder is more important to him that buying together.

Newbie78

dilemma10 wrote: »

Really really helpful and insightful post - thank you. My instinct is he wants to do it but he gets resentful about the money when we bicker about other stuff (which incidentally is the state of the current flat/chores around it). I think he uses it as ammunition.

Either way I feel massively pressured to sort my rating out but don't know how I can do any more with it in the impossible time frames which have been brought forward!

Yes re the credit rating, I had some debt that I assumed I would always have but he actually helped me see that I could pay it off within a couple of years. So WE waited, he didn't make me feel bad as I was making us delay we went into this together and both names are on the mortgage.


If one person is ready but the other is not it could lead to lots of other complications

Marvel1

If the house purchase went ahead this year with his deposit, I can see any future argument always going back to this.