Some of the things he says...

DigForVictory

May I suggest that you consult CAB on the technicalities of getting out?

Do please find out how much he thinks you owe him & start saving. To another account, in your name, he doesn't know about. Shunt the small change there. Fivers as you get them. Just stick at it.

Once you can afford to pay him off, you are in a much better position to deal with the chap. As in, leave. Much easier to do that with money settled, as he can't use it as leverage.

It's not a crime to be scatty, but in this situation, it's a boatload smarter to get squirreling, ready to get out.

DUTR

I don't believe a one liner solution is an option now for the OP, they are tied up with property ownership.
It sounds like a union that shouldn't have started in the 1st place.

copperclock

He's using the phrase 'council house c**t' very deliberately to remind you that he considers you inferior to him. You are beginning to believe it.

He is an abusive bully.

End the relationship. Sort out the money afterwards.

fishybusiness

Dilemma, look up the term gaslighting.

Talking to you like that will gradually wear you down, you may not realise it early on.

From what you have said, it doesn't seem to be a one off, part of a major argument or something else, it seems like an everyday occurrence, normal, well perhaps not normal but your other half is putting it across to you as his normal, which he suggests you should accept.

That's the beginning, if you continue you'll get to a point where you will question your 'normal' and likely come around to his way of thinking. It really is a slippery slope from there.

For your future well being it needs to change, whilst you are still able to do something about it.

Smodlet

FreddieFrugal wrote: »

Just swearing at you is bad enough really. But also adding on the 'council house' bit to make it a derogatory phrase that he repeatedly uses is just bullying behaviour.

It's not normal or healthy and it's certainly not something you'd find in a good relationship of any kind. Let alone with your partner.

Yes some couples swear at each other or name call. My wife and I have done before when we've been really cross at each other. But nothing really personal or cutting.

To balance that out we spend the vast majority of the time saying positive things to each other!

Repeatedly making venomous comments that he knows upset you without any particular trigger - like in your example where you just said you'd plug his phone in for him - it's just nasty abusive behaviour.

Makes me worry what he'll move on to next...

Don't accept it from him - he needs to stop immediately.

If he won't you really should leave - I know it's difficult especially if you've already purchased somewhere together. But you should never stay in an abusive relationship.

Give yourself the opportunity to start again with someone who respects you.

"All successful relationships depend on mutual trust, respect and support. Take away any one and the relationship fails." (The Great Philosopher David Coverdale, in an issue of either Kerrang or Metal Hammer; I can't be expected to remember every little thing)

Start by learning to respect yourself which you will not accomplish within an abusive relationship. You really need to decide which is more important to you: Temporary (for it will be) domestic security or permanent emotional security. If you stay, as another poster said, how long before this creature you are with thinks he can cross another line and escalate the abuse to the physical? And how long will you make excuses for him? He already hurts you badly on one level. Remember the rule! One strike and they are out, right?

No-one can improve your situation except you. Are you worth it? We all think so, from what I have read here; the question remains, do you?

As far as the money is concerned, again it has already been said: A partnership worth anything does not penny-pinch. After the crap he has put you through, I would think of any amount he thinks you owe him as paltry compensation... But that's just me.

Wise up before he drags you down so low you cannot believe the surface, light and air were ever there. Kick free of the restraints and breathe again! Or stay where you are; your choice.

JReacher1

He sounds like a great catch.

Dump him and find someone better

pollypenny

He’s showing you that he has no respect for you.

Get out of the situation as soon as you can.

JIL

I thought about what I would do if my husband said the "see you next Tuesday" word to me, or anything else that your partner has said to you.

Truth be told, he wouldn't but if he said it in an argument, I would expect an apology. It wouldn't happen again as I would make it very clear what would happen if it did.
I think he is walking all over you and you are letting him. Time to be strong for your self and your own wellbeing.

DUTR

JIL wrote: »

I thought about what I would do if my husband said the "see you next Tuesday" word to me, or anything else that your partner has said to you.

Truth be told, he wouldn't but if he said it in an argument, I would expect an apology. It wouldn't happen again as I would make it very clear what would happen if it did.
I think he is walking all over you and you are letting him. Time to be strong for your self and your own wellbeing.

Perhaps the OP isn't as strong as you (and some of the other posters) , in fairness most blokes wouldn't talk like that to their partner/friend.
But I have dated people who for whatever reason lacks confidence and it is trying, if they do did leave I wouldn't see it as a great loss that some describe, it's not as if the OP's partner wouldn't meet someone new , so must have some appeal of some description.

kezzygirl

Op, having a read of your previous threads struck a chord with me. I had an ex like yours....note the term "ex". He would call me names- "little girl", "youre just a kid", w**'re, he would tell me to "be good" when I went out without him, ete etc.

He too had money, I didn't. He told me I had to leave college if I was going to stay at his mums house because I had to pay her rent. So i did. He would also slam the brakes on while driving down the road , causing me to be forced forward. He would then push me out of the car and leave me stranded. Each time he would say " I dont want this, I don't want to argue BUT YOU did x,y,x.. ...i love You, I'm sorry...

He bought a flat, I moved in. Within 6 months I moved out because I realised he would never change. It was never his fault, always mine. He belittled me, made me feel small. He made me question myself repeatedly about whether I was good enough, if i just did this he would like me more, it was always "the end" in arguments. I would grapple desperately to get him back, call, text. He would always ignore the phone, just to exert that little bit of control over me.

One day I met my now husband. I was just 18. He gave me the courage to leave as I realised there are nice men out there. We have been together 15 years this year. NEVER has he EVER brought up my "faults", called me names, belittled me, physically hurt me, men who love you just don't do that.

Please, consider your options. You should not have to be with someone who slates you for your past, and makes you feel small. Love is a partnership, not a battle for control over the other and playing on their emotions to manipulate them and cause them to doubt themselves. It was his choice to pay the solicitors fees....just as it was his choice in your other thread to punish you by going out drinking when your dad had been annoyed with him and called him names.

Please think carefully about what you want to do....you only have one life x