Some of the things he says...

dilemma10

Ahh.... don't really know what I'm seeking from this thread apart from self-pitying but are there specific things that your partner might say to you which are a distinct red line within your relationship? For the last year or so mine continues to call me a 'council house c**t' at every possibility even quite casually i.e. yesterday he was driving my car and I told him I would charge his phone as he reached for the cable while driving, he responded with 'shut up council house etc' it's really bizarre.


He knows it winds me up and I've told him to stop calling it me.


He has now extended it into 'council house sl**' it's really upsetting. He says he too is from a council estate and he doesn't know why it bothers me so much but I really do genuinely believe he says it with total conviction and/or to get a reaction out of me.


By the way, I have absolutely no issues with where somebody is from - I was indeed brought up in a council house - am not really sure why this matters but it just triggers something in me when he speaks to me like that.


Not sure what to do - apart from possibly dump him, lol.

building_with_lego

dilemma10 wrote: »

Ahh.... don't really know what I'm seeking from this thread apart from self-pitying but are there specific things that your partner might say to you which are a distinct red line within your relationship? For the last year or so mine continues to call me a 'council house c**t' at every possibility even quite casually i.e. yesterday he was driving my car and I told him I would charge his phone as he reached for the cable while driving, he responded with 'shut up council house etc' it's really bizarre.


He knows it winds me up and I've told him to stop calling it me.


He has now extended it into 'council house sl**' it's really upsetting. He says he too is from a council estate and he doesn't know why it bothers me so much but I really do genuinely believe he says it with total conviction and/or to get a reaction out of me.


By the way, I have absolutely no issues with where somebody is from - I was indeed brought up in a council house - am not really sure why this matters but it just triggers something in me when he speaks to me like that.


Not sure what to do - apart from possibly dump him, lol.

You do know what to do.
If he respected you he would have stopped the moment you told him that you disliked the phrase. He carried on. This tells you what he thinks of you; with that knowledge you have to decide whether you are happy living with this contempt or whether you wish to make a change.

Good luck.

thorsoak

Why do you stay with this ignorant, rude person?

Red-Squirrel_2

In some relationships it would be ok because both partners would laugh and nobody would be hurt or offended.

If he knows you are upset by it and he carries on doing it anyway, that basically means he wants to upset you, doesn't it?

Pixie5740

Is it the same boyfriend from the thread?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5572007

Is the “council house” bit of what he says really the most offensive part? I’d be more offended at being called a “s**t” and a “c**t.” Sure some couples might speak to each other in that way but not if they know it upsets the other person and your boyfriend knows it upsets you.

PrettyKittyKat

Personally if my other half was calling me c**nt or sl*g, regardless of the council house part, I would find it exceptionally degrading, disrepsectful and controlling. You say it has only been in the last year or so... how long have you been together? What has prompted him to start this?

Archergirl

Dump him.........

dilemma10

PrettyKittyKat wrote: »

Personally if my other half was calling me c**nt or sl*g, regardless of the council house part, I would find it exceptionally degrading, disrepsectful and controlling. You say it has only been in the last year or so... how long have you been together? What has prompted him to start this?

Thanks everyone and yes it is the same guy - we had resolved lots of things and were really happy with each other. But fast forward to having bought a house where the initial contribution came massively from him (but I too have spent much money on sorting out the house) I now owe him half of the stamp duty. To be honest, he is right in what he is saying, financially, I am rather scatty (but I do pay everything 50/50) it's just that the stamp duty element and legal fees were significant and he was happy with the arrangement of paying from the profits of his previous flat sale with me then paying back within due course.


He has started to pester me for this - I guess pester is the wrong word but we moved in two months ago and I've spent money like it's going out of fashion doing up the house so the stamp duty element got pushed back. I did bite his head off when he asked me about the arrangement (I guess because I'm wondering how I'm going to do it) and he then proceeded to call me all of the above names.


It's not helpful and I'm now really upset. I'm also too forgiving but on this occasion, I am furious because it isn't constructive.

BorisThomson

Why would you ever think of staying with someone that calls you such vile names? He has no respect for you, and if you choose to let this continue, I'd question how much you have for yourself.

Pixie5740

I am amazed that after this thread on the Mortgages and Endowments board you went ahead and purchased somewhere with him. There are several red flags which posters picked up on.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5633604

What do actually get out of this relationship because it sounds like hell?

bluebear36

I personally would be walking. He's carrying on calling you names despite being asked to stop, plus the names are pretty disgusting (not the council house part).