Working for family

Out,_Vile_Jelly

My dad (not a professional tradesman) has helped me out with loads of stuff since I bought my house; constructing a patio, putting up built-in shelves, stripping woodchip, painting, fencing etc. I've paid for the materials and he's enjoyed himself by lecturing me on quality workmanship, the importance of preparation, how it was all better in his day, A History Of Tools I Have Owned etc. He would find the idea of invoicing ludicrous.

I hope this can be resolved amicably and there are no misunderstandings going forward, but fear this may be unlikely...

missprice

Probably best to suck it up and pay with no comments at all. Not even thank you, plus pay by cheque.
Then going forward you say no when he offers"help"
Even if he offers to put in a single light bulb, say no thanks. Just never mention the bill/money.
He may eventually twig what happened but not your problem.

Good grief I do favours for friends and occasionally I ask for help with things, no one ever invoices time, why would we? It's probably even in the end.

ViolaLass

Why did he need to give you receipts? Why not just a number?

lika_86

samtoby wrote: »

We bought him something very expensive at Christmas as a thank you and we have also taken him and MIL out for a lot of meals in the last year as a thank you.

Present him with the receipts and ask for them to be set-off against the bill. What? He thought that you were doing something nice for them? Without expecting reimbursement? Well...

pjcox2005

samtoby wrote: »

This was over a whole year and a bit - and most was our kitchen which he 'offered' to 'help' my husband fit.

We have never ASKED.

If it was over that period of time then it does seem strange. Do you think FIL has any money troubles?

AylesburyDuck

OMG a bill for over a thousand pounds, paying back materials yes, but labour at £10 an hours for help which was offered and not requested, oh my goodness no. Familys dont do that, not if the help is offered.
Depending on the result your husband gets tonight when he visits him i would say, pay the bill and then make it clear that offers of help would never be accepted again.
I'd rather pay more than be beholden to grasping family members again. :eek:

svain

Very strange situation ..... and handled badly could be fatal for the family dynamic.

Dont get bogged down in what method he wants paying. Get an invoice confirming payment and its irrelevant. His HMRC situation is not your business.

I think i would be resigned to paying, but offer to pay in three or four instalments. Get each payment signed as received and have any conversation in front of your MIL.

To be fair £10 an hour is very reasonable in any situation but this one. In the future if he offers to help, dont shut him down, get him to quote first and then politely decline.

SuperPikachu

Anyone else been in his ear telling him to ask for that money? Or would he just do this himself. Maybe he thinks there has been p taking happening? Who knows, we'd need both sides of the story.

jackyann

I too find this odd, and wonder if something happened to make him suddenly do this, and what your m-i-l thinks.
You have 3 young children and a business - your mind is elsewhere (as it should be) and I wonder if something has offended him that you're unaware of. I also wonder if he has money worries.
Different families do tend to have different rules about paying / offering. It seems a broad rule though, that unless you are doing something professionally in work time, you don't charge for time. I would also have thought your OH would have an idea of how things are normally done in his family, so that its'a shock to him is odd. It also sounds as if you normally get on well.

I do see that someone would see a difference using his specific skills rather than a general 'helping out' or babysitting. But most nans with childcare qualifications don't charge the going rate to care for grandkids!

I think it best to leave, as you have said, for your OH to sort out with his parents, and on the whole, I would keep out of it, as it is quite delicate.

I tend towards anydownes' view: pay up (whether through the business or not) and then accept no other offers. But if you do this, keep calm and don't make sarcastic comments. If they regularly babysit without asking for money, I would allow that to continue as it will affect their relationship with the grandchildren if you put a stop to it.

This is a great shame, and I do hope your family can come through it.

pearl123

£10 per hour for someone who is skilled is a bargain.