Working for family

bagpussbear

samtoby wrote: »

Over a thousand - including the materials

That's a lot of money :-(

I hope your OH will remind his dad of all work he has done for him over the years, and that family just help each other out. His dad seems to be seeing his work in your home in isolation doesn't he.

I'm not sure I'd pay it to be honest. But either way, there's bad feeling now isn't there, whatever you do.

Marvel1

If he wants paying for the work, then do it probably and not by cash as wants.

It's very cheeky when it's not even discussed.

Pollycat

I agree with the majority of other posters.
If he offered his help, then I wouldn't have expected to be billed for the work he's done, especially as he's retired.

And certainly not at more than minimum wage - even though he's clearly a proper tradesman.

I think you do have a choice not to pay the bill, you just feel you don't.
I hope the chat your husband has with him makes him see sense but if it doesn't, I would insist that he gives you a proper invoice for the hours he's worked - at the rate he's already quoted i.e. £10 per hour - and tell him you will make the cheque payable to his business account.

Hopefully, he's just got his 'business' head on and doesn't realise what he's done.

System

Pay him off. Never ask anything of him again. Never allow him to 'volunteer' either. Never help him or do anything he wants or needs again. He'll get the message.

lotteryman

Just be careful if you go down the route of 'reminding him of all the work your OH has done for him in the past' as it will undoubtedly raise what your FIL has done for his son in the past. Bringing up children usually involves giving a lot and if children were expected to 'pay back' what had been done for them most would be in debt for life.
You should take a more conciliatory approach explaining that it is a lot of money that you had not expected and that you had expected to pay for the materials but you though he had offered to do the work to help you out.
As you implied, this could go pear shaped if the wrong approach is taken resulting in a serious breakdown in the family relationship.

paddy's_mum

lotteryman wrote: »

a serious breakdown in the family relationship.

I think it a fairly safe bet that there is already an almighty crack in the relationship!

How does this d-i-l ever recover her trust that Pops is helping them out for reasons of natural love and affection, wanting to make their life at home easier, investing in the comfort of his three grandchildren?

As a grandmother myself, I'm curious to know if the mother in law was aware of all this because in her shoes, I'd be giving my husband a biff for doing anything, however tiny, that might affect my relationship with precious grandchildren!

I wouldn't be 'throwing away' my loved ones trust in me for the sake of such a paltry sum :eek:

Pollycat

One wonders if the OP's MIL is aware that her husband has billed their son for his time he spent helping them.
And if she is, what does she think about it?

pearl123

If he intended to charge you he should have warned you. However, at £10 per hour you've probably had a good deal.
Try and get the bill rounded down as he didn't warn you.

Red-Squirrel_2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I think it a fairly safe bet that there is already an almighty crack in the relationship!

How does this d-i-l ever recover her trust that Pops is helping them out for reasons of natural love and affection, wanting to make their life at home easier, investing in the comfort of his three grandchildren?

As a grandmother myself, I'm curious to know if the mother in law was aware of all this because in her shoes, I'd be giving my husband a biff for doing anything, however tiny, that might affect my relationship with precious grandchildren!

I wouldn't be 'throwing away' my loved ones trust in me for the sake of such a paltry sum :eek:

Every time he offers a lift, or to babysit, or to help out with anything at all you'd have to ask if he was planning to invoice you for the time!

I think it needs sorting out here and now, and I wouldn't be paying.

(To be clear, I would pay for the materials, but not for his time.)

bap98189

I can see another side to this.

He has been doing a lot of work for you, including buying materials. You say that there has been no discussion about payment. I suspect he has been expecting you or your OH to offer to pay him something, at the very least for the stuff he has bought. If neither of you has done so then this is him running out of patience.

He probably didn't want to do this but discussing money with family members can be seen as awkward and probably not a conversation he thinks he should be starting. I suspect he is fed up that you have not offered him any money, or at least started a "so how much do I owe you" conversation.