Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

-taff

He probably had a bit of shock, it might be slowly dawning on him now that he has to support himself or risk losing what he has got. At least the GC will be taken care of in the foster home.
2015 is not that long ago, I lost my mother in April 2015 too, grief doesn't just disappear overnight...I expect your dreaming about him because he took care of you and suported you...And you need a bit of someone taking care of you and supporting you...

dreaming

It won't hurt DS to hear the truth Mooloo - but you must stick to your guns. If you back down now (or in a day or two) then it will just be put down as "Mum going off on one" rather than him thinking that maybe it is his actions that need looking at. That is how I used to be with eldest - feeling at the end of my tether one day and losing my temper, then feeling bad about shouting and I would end up apologising. Through counselling I realised that this was counter-productive and have learned to say my piece calmly and then walk away so there is no time for argument. Easy to say but not easy to do I admit, especially when you may be feeling emotional about other things as well but I just keep trying the broken record method.
I am sorry that you in a dark place at the moment, and you have not been able to feel any joy at the birth of the new babyy. The approaching "festive season" doesn't help I think. I am feeling really down myself and, although I am going through the motions of planning for Christmas, I will be glad when it is all over. I'm not sure if I will see my grandchildren as their mum keeps changing the arrangements. I just keep trying to think what I have got rather than what I haven't but it's hard. Even though most of the problems with eldest are resolved as well as they can be (for now, with fingers crossed) the after-effects of the past 4 years have really taken a toll on my ability to bounce back.

surveyqueenuk

Mooloo wrote: »

I really do miss my Dad, although I am close to my Mum I always was Daddy's Girl. So I have woken feeling quite a loss this morning.
Woken with tears in my eyes, how stupid is that, he's been gone since April 2015.

Oh Moo, this isn't stupid at all. It's almost ten years since my Dad died and I still get the odd tear in my eye too. I'll still get the odd tear in my eye in ten years time too. We never forget the people we love, not ever xx

pollyanna_26

Mooloo I was 15 when I lost my lovely dad far too soon and I was a daddys girl too . I have felt him near many times over the years including difficult and stressful times . I don't believe they ever truly leave us . It is early days for you . The constant demands on your time,energy and finances means you haven't had the grieving time to begin to adjust . There comes a time where although you will always miss him you will remember the good times and be glad he was in your life.


Keep the bank of mum closed and stay determined . Nothing you have said , none of the advice you've given has changed anything . Both your son and the gf are living in LaLa land . It means your phone call to SS was exactly the right thing to do .


There is no concept of preparing for the little boys . They haven't even paid for the roof over their heads . You have to leave them to deal with this , you've gone above and beyond now it's for them to sink or swim .


Helping them at this point will continue to hide the fact that right now they aren't fit to have the boys back . I found madam taking herself back to bed rather than be with the boys and have the decency to actually engage with their grandmother who'd opened her home and disrupted her own plans downright rude .


Hope you enjoy the time with your mum and good luck with helping dgd sort her clothes . She's the one who needs your time right now .


polly x

beanielou

Not silly at all Mooloo.
I still miss mine after nearly 7 years.
I go & talk to him at his grave.
Not often but I do.
Sometimes I just go & cry.

Savvy_sewing

Dgd off to school, I pottered and then went for a bath. Was studying my Portuguese relaxing with bubbles and I get a text message from DS asking me to Supervise between 12-2 today.
Sorry, no can do I am taking granny to the bank and Christmas shopping, and I sent the same message to the social worker and the Foster Carers just to make sure they got the message.
Social worker replied that they have a worker going to be there so not to worry. I wasn't worried! I had no plans to change my mind!!
Mum and I did her banking, dropped off the charity shop stuff, and did a b& m shop before going to lunch in the new Turkish Restaurant in Towcester. We had a lovely meal and I got home in time for dgd but I didn't do the Aldi shop, I picked up a few bits in B & m that will tide us through packed lunches for the rest of the week.
I have a very sore neck and hands, and a headache from all the stressing.
So cup of tea before I do anything else.

thorsoak

He just doesn't get the message, does he, Mooloo! Remember to be the Broken Record - and keep saying "no can do". No doubt he thinks that you will cave in and pay for Christmas for them all ....with you hosting it and paying for everything! So glad that you have booked already with Mum.

dreaming

Well done for standing firm, Mooloo. My counsellor really helped me learn how to say no after years of feeling that I "had" to keep sorting everything out. She explained that it is better not to give reasons why you can't/won't do it. You literally just say that you can't, then either end the conversation (or text) or change the subject. There is no need to get into a discussion about the issue because that is where things usually end up in an argument as each side tries to justify their position. I realised we (eldest and I) had become trapped in a cycle of me coping with things until I was overwhelmed and snapped, then me feeling guilty and apologising and over-compensating. Our relationship seems to be much better - less intense, less controlling (on both sides I can see now with some distance).
By the way, I agree with an earlier poster about turning your phone off at a certain time and telling your family that you will be un-contactable at certain times. I hope you enjoy your evening.

Savvy_sewing

Dgd is singing in her bedroom.
I am shattered and going to bed.
Hopefully I will get a decent sleep tonight.

beanielou

Positive vibes for a good sleep.