Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

Savvy_sewing

Morning came too fast, but I didn't do too badly with the waking parts. Strange dreams, very strange dreams I was glad to wake up from.
My first mantra was a saying from Wayne Dyer,
I am ....
I am Happy
I am Healthy
I am Well.

Then my Gratitude for a new day, a new beginning etc

Time to actually go live that day, ( even though there is an underlying feeling of dread to get out of bed), I am determined to look past that feeling and not give it the time of the day, other than to acknowledge it is there, but not let it take control.

So I am well, I am happy, I am ...

Chrystal

Really hope you have a better day Mooloo. X

Savvy_sewing

Biggest arrived at opening time with a small job she wanted me to do, and baby in tow.
She organised the job list, and did some unpicking while I sewed.
DS messaged about collecting furniture stored at my Mums, and then went into screaming abdabs when he found out that Biggest had used the drawers when she had had the boys and repurposed them when her baby was born ( she had sourced them for him when he was living in the flat), any way long story but I got caught in the middle of a slanging match and lost my rag with DS. He actually accused me of not supporting him!
Gobsmacked I am afraid I swore at him and told him he was on his own before hanging up on him!
Then burst into tears. Biggest apologised for getting me involved, but to be fair it was DS who got me involved as he didn't know when he rang me that she was right beside me.

Let it go! It's done. I continued to work.
I have filled my trolley full of shortening jobs because at 3.30 Seamstress phoned in sick, and my friend can't help as she runs a market stall on Friday.
I can do this.
I have got it. But I was turning work away that was wanted before Christmas. Until I clear what's in I don't want to promise anything that's before January.
If I get caught up all well and good, but time is running out, and if Seamstress is sick next week the shop is going to be shut with nothing done after Tuesday for the rest of the week as I have the children.

Other than that, the parcel of things I posted out has arrived and all is fine there.
I will cook later, as Dgd is out with her school friends.
So I am off to set up the sewing machines and prep as much as I can.

I've got this!

dreaming

A mixed day then - getting through some work and having help from biggest, but then losing it with DS. I totally understand why you lost it with DS but a better solution may have been to just hang up when he started ranting. As I said yesterday I was in the same circular sort of dynamic with eldest - trying to sort things out, getting frustrated and ending up with anger and upset, then guilt and apologies (not often from eldest to be honest) and so on and so on. The counsellor advised me to "refuse to engage" until they speak with more respect, or i was in a better frame of mind. The thing with just shouting back is that it reinforces that shouting is the way to get your point across. Not a criticism Mooloo, by the way, as I think we are all prone to just reacting in the heat of the moment when we are under stress. I have found that communication with eldest is better via e-mail or text. Part of that is because of the ASD she can get overloaded with more than about 15 minutes of verbal information but can obviously read an electronic message at her leisure (and re-read if necessary). It also has the advantage that a time delay can be built in before responding so that tends to remove too much emotion. It has also proved useful in that if I tell eldest something verbally she has a habit of either "forgetting" or insisting that I hadn't said a particular thing. Might be worth a try?

I think it is wise to turn work away at the moment, even if it feels counter-intuitive for the business. Better to concentrate on what you know you have at the moment and start to wind down towards your holiday. As Beanielou says - keep plodding. I love that saying as it reminds me of my dad who always used to answer "plodding on" when asked how he was. Sometimes it is the only thing we can do, even if some days it feels like plodding on through treacle.

beanielou

Yes, I often say I am plodding on when I am not at the best for what ever reason.
Keep plodding Mooloo. You are doing so well under such difficult circumstances & dont forget that. xx

thorsoak

My wish for you today Mooloo is that you can be productive, proactive - and not let the weather, circumstances and other people get you down! xxx

annandale

I think having read your concerns about your grandkids that I would be concerned about them returning to your son and his GF any time soon. You posted earlier saying that they had no money for rent and no money for food. How is this going to get any better when they are returned to the mum and dad?

You'll be expected to pay the rent, you'll be expected to buy them food, you'll be expected to do what you have done to date which is pay bills, feed them and water them and see a fraction of the money you have paid out back

People with chaotic lifestyles can and do love their kids very much. Separation from their parents long term should be a last resort

Are you confident that they'll be able to do the following?

Pay bills, pay rent, turn up for work on time, feed their kids and themselves and generally be able to keep their flat or house running as it should be? Long term? Until the kids leave home? Without financial help from you or anyone else? Barring any disasters like losing a job or illness

If the answer to that is no you should not be trying to suggest this is delayed until after Christmas, it should be delayed in my view until they can act like a pair of adults without your help. And I know your son is dyslexic and it cant be easy

The issue is that she has a chaotic lifestyle, he has a chaotic lifestyle and it is an awful combination, it is unfair to even consider returning kids to that unless they have made major lifestyle changes, which it sounds like they havent.

The kids welfare is the most urgent issue here, returning them to chaos with you clearing up after them when they mess up is not an ideal solution. They cant even look after themselves never mind two kids by the sounds of it.

thorsoak

If you read back a bit, you will see that Mooloo is not paying out any more to DS, she has notified Social Services of her concerns about the ability - or non ability of her son and his GF to put the needs of the children before their own.

She is already withdrawing her support - both emotional and financial.

Savvy_sewing

I am not helping and I won't be his emotional punching bag either.
I am sewing well, a set of curtains made this morning.
I am just having a pasty from the market baker before I do the next jacket repair.
I am fine today x

thorsoak

Good for you, Mooloo! x