Regifted present from sister in law

Spendless

paul2louise wrote: »

Sorry this is like one of dilemma where the op doesn't explain it properly.
My SIL wanted something off EBay but it wouldn't be delivered in time so he gave her enough to cover it. She bought him a bottle of bombay sapphire gin and my son a telescope. Both substantial presents. My Oh gave the 3 grown up girls a litre of vodka each and a few nik naks. The 15 year old boy had £20 game voucher.
We have a joint account but I only work a few hours part time so he is the main earner in the family so I don't really contribute to the family income.

I showed him the items yesterday. We have had visitors staying until then and it's been quite busy. He didn't really say much at the time and the doorbell went while I was talking to him so we got interrupted. He hasn't mentioned it since. I think he likes things to just go away. I spoke to my mum about it. She said I should email message her and say the hat doesn't fit and the collar isn't suitable and offer to pass it back to her for the girls who might like it instead.

Do you normally get unsuitable gifts from your sis-in-law? She seems to have got the rest of your family things that they'd like, is there some issue between you and her?

Just re-read your opening post and yes she does do something like this for you each year. I think your husband is aware and that's why he wants the issue to go away.

GwylimT

We don't do xmas, but my mother is another one who ignores allergies. Our daughter has a severe nut allergy and coeliacs so we have to be careful, without fail my mum will buy a food related item with nuts in, now before she is even allowed through the door with gifts I ask her to guarantee they are nut free, it is always a no so presents do not come into our house.

paul2louise

I asked SIL If she had a receipt for the items. She said she had bought them off eBay. She said I could try reselling them

Pollycat

paul2louise wrote: »

I asked SIL If she had a receipt for the items. She said she had bought them off eBay. She said I could try reselling them

So you've let her know you didn't appreciate the gift she gave you.

And you can always resell them on eBay.
Or donate to charity.

zarabelle

When I was young, my mum put her foot down and said "no presents", not even for the younger children (i.e. me), because of the amount of money she was spending on my cousins, aunts and uncles, only to get rubbish in return.

My gran was a hoarder so I think it physically pains my mum to have unwanted/useless stuff around. It changed my view of stuff - I don't tend to buy things impulsively and nothing comes into this house without a purpose or a place. As a result, I really dislike the "gifting" culture that's developed around holidays as I see it as wasteful.

suejb2

I saw a good line on another thread

It's all about expectation and appreciation.

I take that to mean manage your expectations , be it no gift,a rubbish gift,an o.t.t gift or the perfect gift and appreciate it accordingly

[Deleted User]

paul2louise wrote: »

I asked SIL If she had a receipt for the items. She said she had bought them off eBay. She said I could try reselling them

I would only buy someone a second hand hat off eBay as a present if I knew they collected/wore vintage hats and it's one I thought they would like.

As a gift giver I would be fine with someone asking for the receipt in order to exchange or return a gift. I would rather they receiver had something they wanted and would use rather than something that ended up on eBay or a charity shop. Mind you I only buy for a small number of people I know and are in regular contact with.

Pollycat

Lover_of_Lycra wrote: »

I would only buy someone a second hand hat off eBay as a present if I knew they collected/wore vintage hats and it's one I thought they would like.

As a gift giver I would be fine with someone asking for the receipt in order to exchange or return a gift. I would rather they receiver had something they wanted and would use rather than something that ended up on eBay or a charity shop. Mind you I only buy for a small number of people I know and are in regular contact with.

I think this is the crux of the issue.

So many people seem to buy gifts for people with little or no thought.
Bottles of wine for teetotallers, nut products for people with nut allergies.
Swapping bottles of wine or cheques.

What is the point of that?
It's just gift buying for the sake of it.

I personally wouldn't mind if someone bought me a second hand item.
I buy a lot of my clothes from charity shops.
But I wouldn't appreciate an item that smelled and/or didn't fit.

I posted this on the 'charity shop bargain' thread:

Pollycat wrote: »

My lovely sister (who buys me the most amazing gifts) bought me a wonderful Karen Millen skirt from a charity shop one Christmas - at least 15 years ago. She had it professionally dry-cleaned (bless her) although she also wears charity shop stuff.
Over the years, it's fitted me, been too tight, been too loose and currently fits me again. :j
It's one item that I'll never, ever get rid of.
I'll wear it on Christmas Day when we go to see her (it's a gorgeous deep maroony-red) and she'll recognise it instantly and be so pleased.

And I did wear it and she was very pleased.
I said 'a skirt isn't just for Christmas, you know' and we had a laugh.

It's about knowing the person you are buying for, knowing their likes and dislikes at all?
If you don't know them that well (or don't like them enough to make the effort), why would you buy them a gift anyway?

NeilCr

Pollycat wrote: »

It's about knowing the person you are buying for, knowing their likes and dislikes at all?
If you don't know them that well (or don't like them enough to make the effort), why would you buy them a gift anyway?

My partner has five children and numerous grandchildren. They are scattered around, mostly local, but as we don’t live together I don’t see them that much.

The first Xmas after we started going out most of them bought me a present. It was lovely of them. I was aghast -I am an only child of only children and have no living relatives so present buying has always been quite a light task. The thought of having to think up a number of presents every Xmas made me go cold -especially for children!

So I said to my partner how touched I was, that it was a bit overwhelming but could we do a deal where they didn’t buy me presents and I wouldn’t reciprocate. That has worked well since and no-one has been offended. On occasions her sons have bought some beers or wine - partly, at least, I think that they feel a bit sorry for me not having any presents to open at the family Christmases.

I’ve still got the aftershaves that quite a few of them gave me that first Xmas.

After all that, in response to your question above. They didn’t know me well but all felt it was the right thing to do for their mum’s new partner. I can see that and it was very kind of them.

paul2louise

I should change the title of the post now to
My sister in law bought me 2nd hand clothes from eBay

She bought her mum and daughters pj's from asda. I worked there for 5 years and would have been happy with something from the big supermarkets. My fav shops at the moment are Aldi and lidl.
I have got loads of running and cycling stuff from Aldi and lidl. I buy stuff for myself and son from charity shops but I wouldn't buy my OH or anyone else as they have personal tastes.