So surprised to be written out of my fathers will

chesky

No-one should expect to inherit anything from their parents nowadays. Although I feel hale and hearty at the moment, I live alone and am aware that at some point I might have to go into care ( I certainly hope not, but you never know). In that case my house could be sold to pay care home fees and we all know how expensive they can be.

So, although my family would inherit if I dropped dead tomorrow, who knows what the future will bring. It doesn't pay to rely on an inheritance which may never happen.

moneyistooshorttomention

hazyjo wrote: »

I wouldn't ask for any more money or an equal share, but I would let the others know how sad I was about feeling left out and not considered equal. I would leave it up to them and their consciences to share equally. It will be hard for each to give up a large amount of money, but sometimes guilt gets the better of us.


I have one sister and my mum has hinted that her will is now going to be shared 5 ways now - me, my sis and each of her 3 kids. I know it's up to her and respect that (and certainly won't be arguing about it or contesting it when she's gone - she'll prob outlive me anyway!) but I do feel somewhat penalised for not having kids (which I wanted). C'est la vie. I respect her decision as it's what she wants - but it prob helps me feel a little of what you're feeling. (I really don't want a thread responding to mine, I appreciate some will have different opinions, just saying it how I honestly feel in my heart.)

I know that my brother has asked my parents for more - on the excuse that he has children and I don't and that my mother would like to leave him+his children more than childless me. When she stated she would like to agree to his request I told her that I wouldnt agree to it, but there would be nothing I could do about if she went along with it. I fear that, come the time, she might have done what he wants and I'll be put in a position where things are unfair. But that's all we can do isnt it if we have a "grabby sibling" using their children as an excuse - keep our fingers crossed that things will be fair (despite grabby siblings wishes). Followed by if grabby sibling has ensured a Will is changed - ask sibling to put things right and, if they won't, then don't spend time/energy/money chasing them and just think "Karma will get them - so I don't have to" and have nothing more to do with them.

Who knows but that the State might have grabbed the lot anyway come the time - and so there wouldnt be owt much for grabby sibling to "have extra with"....?

hazyjo

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I know that my brother has asked my parents for more - on the excuse that he has children and I don't and that my mother would like to leave him+his children more than childless me. When she stated she would like to agree to his request I told her that I wouldnt agree to it, but there would be nothing I could do about if she went along with it. I fear that, come the time, she might have done what he wants and I'll be put in a position where things are unfair. But that's all we can do isnt it if we have a "grabby sibling" using their children as an excuse - keep our fingers crossed that things will be fair (despite grabby siblings wishes). Followed by if grabby sibling has ensured a Will is changed - ask sibling to put things right and, if they won't, then don't spend time/energy/money chasing them and just think "Karma will get them - so I don't have to" and have nothing more to do with them.

Who knows but that the State might have grabbed the lot anyway come the time - and so there wouldnt be owt much for grabby sibling to "have extra with"....?

I actually think my sister is somewhat embarrassed by the whole thing. She's a very sweet generous girl, but also doesn't face anything and buries her head in the sand. Like I said, it's my mum's wishes, not my sister's, so I can't/won't hold her responsible and certainly won't be challenging my mum's wishes.


My mum has bought the kids all nearly-new cars - one's had 2 cars newer than mine and he's only 21(!), paid for most things all their lives (one was at a performing arts school for 3 years and she paid all his expenses and travel. Only student I know to come out of education with thousands in the bank LOL), and is about to do the same for one of the others. Anyway, my biggest battle with my mum has been over her time, not money, I'd rather she spent the lot on herself. She does LOADS with my nephew - west end shows, lunch/dinner, etc, but has turned me down and makes excuses about not wanting to drive in the dark. That's what hurts me.

Red-Squirrel_2

hazyjo wrote: »

Anyway, my biggest battle with my mum has been over her time, not money, I'd rather she spent the lot on herself. She does LOADS with my nephew - west end shows, lunch/dinner, etc, but has turned me down and makes excuses about not wanting to drive in the dark. That's what hurts me.

That's such a shame, I would be hurt too. Have you ever told her how it makes you feel?

hazyjo

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

That's such a shame, I would be hurt too. Have you ever told her how it makes you feel?

Once - last year. We never argue but she'd had a go at me and my sister about something ridiculous that happened last Christmas, and said 'well, you'd say something if you were upset about it, wouldn't you?!' and I laughed and said 'you are JOKING' and kind of blurted a lot out. Wasn't planned, and I hate bringing up anything during a row, but my back was up as what she was 'telling us off' about was totally out of order and not deserved (actually should have been directed at the grandkids).


To be honest, I thought things would change after that, but nah still the same. She went to the theatre with my nephew last week. I've won loads of theatre tickets over the years and always ask her first. She'd never go in a million years. Also tried taking her out or having her over for dinner (she rarely eats lunch) and I can only remember her coming once in the last 10 years, but does eat at my sister's now and again cos of the grandkids. tbh she's obsessed with them. She used to drive them to school/college until they passed their tests (drove 5 miles in the morning to my sister's, then 2 mins to one's school and another 3 miles for the other one's college (which is only a couple of tube stops).


I've given up She's very generous in other ways and gives us money now and again, but I'd rather go for lunch once a month with her tbh.


Anyway, don't want to thread hog...

mattpaint

Have you considered that the house was left to your sisters because it was their home? And bought by their mother and father? Perhaps their mother insisted that her money wouldn't go to you? Which is fair enough. You seem to be expecting your sisters to give you their money and that's outrageous. Be grateful for the £10,000.

moneyistooshorttomention

I get your point hazyjo re the time.

I guess maybe it's not "personal" that she says about not driving at night? Unless she'll drive at night for her grandchildren - but not for you that is...

At my age I'm seeing a noticeable number of women saying they don't want to drive/won't drive at night - but I can't think of a single man that says that. Very sexist!!! But a lot of women in my generation (ie baby boomer) do seem to feel they can say that - even though they've probably never heard a man saying it either....:cool: Hopefully millenial generation women won't use their sex as an excuse not to...

hazyjo

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I get your point hazyjo re the time.

I guess maybe it's not "personal" that she says about not driving at night? Unless she'll drive at night for her grandchildren - but not for you that is...

At my age I'm seeing a noticeable number of women saying they don't want to drive/won't drive at night - but I can't think of a single man that says that. Very sexist!!! But a lot of women in my generation (ie baby boomer) do seem to feel they can say that - even though they've probably never heard a man saying it either....:cool: Hopefully millenial generation women won't use their sex as an excuse not to...

Yep she drives at night when they need her to drop them somewhere or pick them up, or when she meets my nephew, or goes round theirs for dinner or Chinese. We do have family meals for birthdays (Chinese) (although apparently not for us adults any more, just for the grandkids) and she drives at night then. I understand her wanting to get back before it's dark when possible, but she does drive at night sometimes.


Actually, I hate driving at night lol. Do have to do it on occasion though.


She's been worse since my dad died and I do put a lot of that down to her feeling slightly uncomfortable in coupley environments now. She always sits with my nephew as he's never with anyone.

borkid

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I get your point hazyjo re the time.

I guess maybe it's not "personal" that she says about not driving at night? Unless she'll drive at night for her grandchildren - but not for you that is...

At my age I'm seeing a noticeable number of women saying they don't want to drive/won't drive at night - but I can't think of a single man that says that. Very sexist!!! But a lot of women in my generation (ie baby boomer) do seem to feel they can say that - even though they've probably never heard a man saying it either....:cool: Hopefully millenial generation women won't use their sex as an excuse not to...

Just like to point out I wouldn't drive at night for a while because I sensed something wasn't right. Next opticians appointment I discovered I had a cataract. After the op I'm now back to driving. Men of a similar age that I know tend not to worry about such things, they don't seem so attuned to their body. I think its an element of women will see a doctor when they are ill whereas a lot of men need to be dying before they'll go. A generalisation I know. Hopefully younger men aren't so stubborn.

Red-Squirrel_2

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I get your point hazyjo re the time.

I guess maybe it's not "personal" that she says about not driving at night? Unless she'll drive at night for her grandchildren - but not for you that is...

At my age I'm seeing a noticeable number of women saying they don't want to drive/won't drive at night - but I can't think of a single man that says that. Very sexist!!! But a lot of women in my generation (ie baby boomer) do seem to feel they can say that - even though they've probably never heard a man saying it either....:cool: Hopefully millenial generation women won't use their sex as an excuse not to...

Maybe the women are just more likely to acknowledge that they are getting older and that they are finding something difficult, while men feel they have to be macho and carry on regardless. If somebody is finding it harder to see in the dark to drive then I would certainly rather they are honest about that and stop rather than putting other people in danger!