So surprised to be written out of my fathers will

moneyistooshorttomention

I am wondering what we arent being told.

On the face of it = unfair and the sisters should "do the decent thing" and split the inheritance equally.

BUT - the fact that OP didnt actually meet the father till later in life has me wondering what the circumstances were as to their respective births. So I am wondering if the 3 sisters were children that the father and his wife mutually agreed to have within perfectly conventional context (ie married to each other etc etc) but OP may be the child of a different mother that father, perhaps??, had an affair with outside the marriage and she got pregnant without it being a mutual decision with father that that was to happen?

In those circumstances - it would be perfectly explicable for the father to regard the 3 daughters as "his in every sense of the word" and OP as "son the former mistress decided to have on her own - and therefore only his biologically-speaking iyswim".

If it is that sort of scenario - then OP is lucky to be left anything at all - ie if father didnt get his share of the say about whether to have him in the first place.

We simply dont know the facts of how the relationships were between father and his wife/the mother of the daughters on the one hand and the relationship between father and the mother of OP on the other hand. Whatever the nature of the relationships between father and these two women = that will probably be the explanation of why the will has been made out that way.

In OP's position - if I'd been a "totally equal in all respects child of father and his wife" = I'd be thoroughly aggrieved at the unequal distribution. If it's the scenario I'm wondering about - then I'd consider myself very lucky to get even £10,000 from a man that was only my biological father (and not my "real" father) iyswim.

goodwithsaving

I don't understand parents who do this. Those who say there is more to life, maybe he had his reasons etc....obviously don't understand the division and hurt it causes. Yes, children aren't entitled to the money, but it isn't about the money.

My siblings and I have always said, if one of us is left out then it will be split between all of us regardless.

Have you spoken to the siblings?

elsien

I think the bit that stands out for me is the sentence about the sisters putting the house up for sale without asking him as the only son and the only one with his name.

Putting aside whether the bequests are "fair" or not, the sisters don't need to ask the OP as the house sale doesn't affect him, and the "only son carrying on the family name" spiel would certainly raise a few hackles if my male sibling tried that one on with me.
I think OP needs to be very careful about what he says and how he says it if he wants to maintain his relationship with his sisters.

hazyjo

I wouldn't ask for any more money or an equal share, but I would let the others know how sad I was about feeling left out and not considered equal. I would leave it up to them and their consciences to share equally. It will be hard for each to give up a large amount of money, but sometimes guilt gets the better of us.


I have one sister and my mum has hinted that her will is now going to be shared 5 ways now - me, my sis and each of her 3 kids. I know it's up to her and respect that (and certainly won't be arguing about it or contesting it when she's gone - she'll prob outlive me anyway!) but I do feel somewhat penalised for not having kids (which I wanted). C'est la vie. I respect her decision as it's what she wants - but it prob helps me feel a little of what you're feeling. (I really don't want a thread responding to mine, I appreciate some will have different opinions, just saying it how I honestly feel in my heart.)

Poor_Single_lady

It's not that there is more to life, it's that a persons will is their choice.
We don't have a right to inherit.

My brother has a lot of self-made and not self-made problems. He won't own a home, I have a mortgage and one day will. If my parents leave their house to him it is fine and I am at peace with that.
It's not mine. My flat is mine and I get to decide what to do with that but not anything else.

A persons will is their recoded choices and while i can see it is hard not to inherit I don't understand how people can think that they will automatically inherit something.

At the risk of being verbally hit- If I was the sisters I wouldn't see that I should share the inheritance. I would put the house up for sale and I wouldn't involve people in that who weren't named as inheriting the house.

Money eats people up and ruins lives. I would be happy with the £10,000 and wish the sisters well.
If it was me I would ask for something that belonged to him to have and treasure.

I wouldn't miss the money because it was never mine.

Enterprise_1701C

We are in a situation where my OH's parents changed the will a couple of years ago whereby the son that is still living at home gets the house and the liquid assets are split between the other two sons.

We all agreed to this and are grateful to the other brother, just over a year ago my FiL became seriously ill and the help from the brother that lives at home meant that he could spend his time at home, it meant a lot to all of us, and MiL could not have coped without him. He passed a few months after he became ill, but MiL is now quite frail and would not be able to live alone.

All this means that the house would probably have had to be sold to cover all the costs that would have been incurred otherwise, and, quite frankly, with some of the things he did for FiL (his father but still extreme) he has earned the house, and it is the only way he is going to get a house in the area they live in.

So, sometimes things are done for a purpose, and it is nice to just go along with it rather than argue.

onomatopoeia99

hazyjo wrote: »

I have one sister and my mum has hinted that her will is now going to be shared 5 ways now - me, my sis and each of her 3 kids. I know it's up to her and respect that (and certainly won't be arguing about it or contesting it when she's gone - she'll prob outlive me anyway!) but I do feel somewhat penalised for not having kids (which I wanted). C'est la vie. I respect her decision as it's what she wants - but it prob helps me feel a little of what you're feeling. (I really don't want a thread responding to mine, I appreciate some will have different opinions, just saying it how I honestly feel in my heart.)

Some parents don't quite get it on that score, do they? I've heard similar stories before.

I'm fortunate in that regard, my parents have written their wills so that the bulk is split between me and my brother equally, but a separate "pot" of money (from an inheritance that they kept and invested) will be split in half, on half to be shared by the grandchildren (my brother's children) and one half to me. So they actually thought about it and worded it in a way to not disadvantage me for not producing offspring.

I've actually told them repeatedly they should enjoy their money.

Pollycat

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

It's not that there is more to life, it's that a persons will is their choice.
We don't have a right to inherit.

My brother has a lot of self-made and not self-made problems. He won't own a home, I have a mortgage and one day will. If my parents leave their house to him it is fine and I am at peace with that.
It's not mine. My flat is mine and I get to decide what to do with that but not anything else.

A persons will is their recoded choices and while i can see it is hard not to inherit I don't understand how people can think that they will automatically inherit something.

At the risk of being verbally hit- If I was the sisters I wouldn't see that I should share the inheritance. I would put the house up for sale and I wouldn't involve people in that who weren't named as inheriting the house.

Money eats people up and ruins lives. I would be happy with the £10,000 and wish the sisters well.
If it was me I would ask for something that belonged to him to have and treasure.

I wouldn't miss the money because it was never mine.

+1 to this. :T

With some of the things that the OP has posted here about how he feels and what actions his sisters have already taken, I really can't see this ending well for the OP.

Maybe I feel differently to some other posters because I'm financially secure and don't want (and certainly don't need) any money from my parents (and never have).
I've no idea what's in my Mum's will but I'm clear in my mind that any inheritance for me will be put away for my sister's children.

If there's nothing for me, that's fine.

Enterprise_1701C

I should mention that I have seen the other side of wills.

When my father died I was surprised to see mentioned in the will a loan he had lent me.

He never loaned me any money, he actually invested in my husband's company, wish he never had, my step-mother hounded us to the extent that we paid the money back rather than paying the mortgage, she was the eponymous wicked step-mother.

Anyway, she handled all the money, and she obviously had not told him that we had repaid every last penny, which actually left us rather stuck as we had invested in something that meant we needed money to advertise etc, which we did not have because of her, so we lost it twice over and were stuck with the stock. I told my brothers this but they decided not to believe me. I told them that if they believed that I would borrow money off father, not pay it back, then lie about it, then I did not want them in my life. I have not communicated with them since, it wasn't bitter exactly, we weren't really "in touch" before, but seriously, if they think I could do that then I really do not want to know them.

I don't miss my brothers, but just consider what you might have to lose before you start arguing.

There is a lot of background to this, which I shall not go into, but it was always them against me (a feeling encouraged by my step-mother). It is my belief that one day Karma will get them.

NBLondon

Yes- Chris - it feels unfair but you don't seem to have any grounds to challenge unless you think (and can show) he was unduly pressured by another person. Your sisters are under no obligation to discuss selling the house with you - it was left to them. Being the only son and bearing the name apparently didn't mean much to Dad so why would it matter to them?

You said

I would be so very shocked if the girls don't turn around and share it equally

so wait and see. If they feel you've been hard-done by then they might well agree to share the proceeds. If your relationship with them is good enough, you can quietly raise the subject now if you are prepared to accept the risk that it will sour the relationship. Harder in that all three might have different opinions of you, other needs, family pressures etc.

And don't forget they are grieving too...