I'm in love with a 25yo man and I have a problem

Ames

It sounds like he's a vulnerable adult and you met him when you were in a position of trust. It also appears that your relationship is more support worker than friend. Sorry to be blunt but if you act on your feelings there's no way it can end well.

geminilady

Slopemark wrote: »

Yes I realise that. But what if in a few years time I find out he really did want it but was too shy to say or thought i didnt....

If as you say you have dropped a lot of hints and he has not reacted he either is not gay or does not fancy you,if you want to keep his friendship I would not say anything.It is a good idea to get some counselling as someone suggested.If you have had a good sexual relationship with your wife you may e bi-sexual not gay.

FBaby

Don't beat yourself up for the fact that you've fallen in love. However, you do need to immerse yourself from fantasyland. Your emotions are totally clouding your judgement and you cannot see how this relationship is never going to work. You don’t even know if he is gay (and most likely isn’t), let alone whether you could actually be happy together forever.

Let’s assume that indeed, he is how much in love with you as you are with him, just too shy to tell you, and your feelings for each other are so strong, you could overcome everything that will be thrown at you to be able to fully enjoy your relationship. Why not wait and let things happen naturally? Your dream is not totally impossible, but very likely and you have a lot to lose to take that chance.

My dad fell in love with a woman almost 30 years younger. They started an affair and he fell head over hill for her. He left my step-mum and moved to a flat before planning to move in with her. My poor dad was so in love (and naturally very determined, so when he wants something, he’s prepared to go to any length to get it!), he just couldn’t see that she was just using him and that it would never work. The inevitable happened, they tried, it was a disaster and she dumped him for a man with money too, but much younger. My dad was totally devastated, fell into a deep depression, but somehow, he and my step-mum patched up their marriage. It took my dad about 18 months to fully recover but he did and can now talk about it and laugh at how foolish he was to ever think it could have worked. He is massively grateful that he didn’t lose everything for what was never going to be what he had fantasized about.

hollydays

Ames wrote: »

It sounds like he's a vulnerable adult and you met him when you were in a position of trust. It also appears that your relationship is more support worker than friend. Sorry to be blunt but if you act on your feelings there's no way it can end well.

If that’s the case and your in a position of authority it could also be veering on sexual harassment

Ozzuk

If you cannot act professionally then you shouldn't be mentoring. You are putting yourself in a position of implied trust, this person looks up to you and you shouldn't be looking to take advantage of him.

Be his mentor, if you can't shut off the feelings or find yourself acting inappropriately then shut the relationship down. 'dropping hints' sounds really, really creepy.

Edit...reading it properly, I missed the line where he says mentoring ended quickly so this isn't as much of an issue, unless he is a vulnerable adult of course.

thorsoak

Look forward 10 years ....do you see yourself in a "happy ever after" scenario - or can you imagine a Kevin Spacey situation, when you are publicly accused of sexually grooming a vulnerable young man? Because that will be the case - if not sooner.

You are supposed to be a mentor - if you cannot do this task dispassionately but in a caring manner - walk away.

Stop indulging in mid-life crisis dramas.

Or - if none of the above apply, trip-trap, trip-trap.

NineDeuce

If he has money, go for it. If he doesnt, stay with the missus....

LandyAndy

I'm amazed no one has suggested the OP hands himself in at the nearest police station.

Aytoun27

Why don't you ring the LGBT Switchboard for some advice? I'm sure that your situation isn't unique and they may be better placed to advise you than we are here on MSE.

System

NineDeuce wrote: »

If he has money, go for it. If he doesnt, stay with the missus....

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: