I'm in love with a 25yo man and I have a problem

Slopemark

I am a 55yo man who has been married for 25 years. I have a wife and two grown up children. Until now I have identified as straight, though have occasionally fantasied about same sex relationships.
Two years ago I was teamed up with a 25yo man in a mentor relationship. The scheme came to an end very quickly but we stayed friends in an informal mentor way.
He is single, has had no girlfriends and has few friends. I have helped him with financial planning, benefits, housing, life skills. We meet up at least once a week and have a trip out such as walking or shopping. We are firm friends.
In June last year I realised that I was in love with him. These feelings have not gone away and if anything are now stronger than before. I can think of little else except him, I dream of him, I fantasise about being with him. I dream of us running off together and having a long term same sex relationship. I do not know if he is gay or straight.
The problems are
1. I am 55 he is 25.
2. I am married with a wife who I don't want to hurt.
3. It's difficult to see how we could have a long term relationship.
4. I've dropped loads and loads of hints to him, but he has never given the slightest hint that he thinks the same as me. He has had every opportunity and not taken any of them.
5. Does this mean I am gay and I'm living a lie?
I am considerinng telling him outright what I want but I fear he will probably reject it and end our friendship. Then I'd never see him again and that would kill me. If I say nothing we will probably stay friends but j will never know if it could ever have gone farther. If I tell him and by some miracle he does say it's what he wants, what then? Wouild I really leave my wife and comfortable life, could I really hurt her in that way?
My head says all this is madness. There's no way he wants this. I have to snap out of it. But I find that impossible, I could not possibly at the moment give up seeing him.
Do I tell him and risk disaster? Am I suffering a mid life crisis? I cannot go on like this but I can't find a way out. My head says stop. My heart tells me otherwise. I am behaving foolishly and treating my wife very badly.
What can i do? I am making myself ill and depressed.

krlyr

Why not seek some counselling to explore these feelings with a professional, before you come to a decision.

ska_lover

Is that you Kevin Spacey?

McKneff

i can imagine his reaction if you attempt to kiss him and he is not gay.

You wont see him for dust.

See sense man, does your wife have any idea you are gay/bi

Money_maker

Slopemark wrote: »

1. I am 55 he is 25.
2. I am married with a wife who I don't want to hurt.
3. It's difficult to see how we could have a long term relationship.
4. I've dropped loads and loads of hints to him, but he has never given the slightest hint that he thinks the same as me. He has had every opportunity and not taken any of them.
5. Does this mean I am gay and I'm living a lie?

1. You are way too old for him. Even if he was gay, how long do you think he would want to be in a relationship with a man old enough to be his father?
2. So reconnect - spend time together so you fantasise about her.
3. You cant.
4. Cringe - he's just not interested but very polite.
5. No, just having a MLC.


Sorry to be blunt but you will lose his friendship at this rate. Try to reignite your relationship with your wife, it's fine to have fantasies but not so good to confuse them with reality.

Slopemark

thank you. That is the most helpful answer.....
I appreciate it. Just gotta convince my heart!

hollydays

I’m not sure how It could affect your work if you were found to be having a relationship with someone you had been professionally helping.

Slopemark

Yes I realise that. But what if in a few years time I find out he really did want it but was too shy to say or thought i didnt....

hollydays

Slopemark wrote: »

Yes I realise that. But what if in a few years time I find out he really did want it but was too shy to say or thought i didnt....

You realise you could lose your job you mean?

McKneff

oh, you would lose your job, no doubt.....

McKneff

Its got nothing to do with your heart.