New found sister problem

JayJay100

Pollycat wrote: »

I'd echo the moving forward carefully - not only because of the 'sickie' suggestion but because she's thrown a strop (imho very unreasonably) when you have a perfectly good reason to decline the invitation.

She really should have checked with you before going ahead and booking somewhere.

She could have a hidden agenda in wanting to be friends with you.
Be wary.

That's what the OH says, and to be fair, you could both have a point. I have raised concerns over the will, because I've been shown a single bank statement, which is a current account with a few hundred pounds in it, and that's supposed to be the residue of the estate, which is what I've been left. Given the rest of the will, I'm certain that there will be at least one savings account. On one hand, I'm not bothered about the money, but on the other, I don't like being taken for a fool.

sheramber wrote: »

She may feel it was just an excuse and you will just put her off again if she suggests a day.

You could try picking a day you can manage and send an email saying ' Sorry I wasn't able to arrange to meet when you suggested but what about meeting on XXX?
Then she knows you can come that day and it was not just an excuse.

If she doesn't reply then leave things alone. She has had her chance.

My last e-mail said that I would be willing to meet on the same day, but after work, although I couldn't give a definite time, as I was attending upon a disciplinary hearing, and it was impossible to judge how long that was going to take. I also gave the alternative option of any afternoon next week.

JayJay100

happyandcontented wrote: »

I think you have to go with your gut feel on this. I hope it ends well and that you overcome this bump in the road.

If my previous friendships/relationships are anything to go by, my gut has a real history of lying to me.

bagpussbear

Sorry to hear this has happened JayJay. It was very unreasonable of her to book something without even checking.

Perhaps it's just how she is, and a difficult personality to get along with.

I think you have made perfectly good suggestions and compromise, and I hope it works out for you. Nothing you can do if she doesn't respond.

seven-day-weekend

I think she is being manipulative. Some people want you to 'prove' yourself in some way, like putting yourself out to please them, otherwise they decide you don't care.

Just re-iterate that you DO want to meet and maybe give a few dates and times when you can make it. If she doesn't respond to any of these, wait until the time has passed for those dates and then send here an email saying you're sorry she couldn't make any of those dates, and that you would still like to meet her (if you would!),. Then leave the ball in her court.

She may have decided that you are not 'worthy' because you wouldn't compromise your job. Some people are like that, unfortunately.

I hope however that it all goes well for the future xx

Red-Squirrel_2

I'd be tempted to be just completely open, and say "I'm sorry, I must be missing something here because I don't understand why its so crucial that it has to be that exact date and time."

No point dancing around the issue.

moneyistooshorttomention

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I think she is being manipulative. Some people want you to 'prove' yourself in some way, like putting yourself out to please them, otherwise they decide you don't care.

Just re-iterate that you DO want to meet and maybe give a few dates and times when you can make it. If she doesn't respond to any of these, wait until the time has passed for those dates and then send here an email saying you're sorry she couldn't make any of those dates, and that you would still like to meet her (if you would!),. Then leave the ball in her court.

She may have decided that you are not 'worthy' because you wouldn't compromise your job. Some people are like that, unfortunately.

I hope however that it all goes well for the future xx

Could be manipulative/could be just thoughtless.

I'd go with the idea of giving her a list of other suggested dates. Something along the lines of "I'm not free on x dates" - but "I will be free on y dates".

I admit to surprise at someone just booking something unilaterally. Even though I'm now in a situation where I'm retired and most other people are too - I'll still do things that way and say "I've got regular things on the following days of the week - but can often manage such-and-such days. So which one of them suits you?"

Your "regular things" is that Monday to Friday (presumably) you have to be at a job. Even if you've not mentioned the current problems there (which I presume you have?) then she should have already thought "Sis has a job - better not make teatime suggestions for those days. Perhaps I might ask if she could take a long lunchbreak and meet for light lunch one of those days".

The "fixed appointment already made" might be thoughtlessness on her part. It might, on the other hand, be that you are both going to have some sort of joint involvement re what is left in mothers will and she is trying to see whether you will be a possible push-over at the outset by deliberately making a fixed arrangement (rather than a "mutual - what is convenient for both of us?" arrangement) in order to see whether you go along with that. If you are "pushed over" on going with a social appointment only on her terms - then it's a good sign for her that you will be a push-over in other respects. That's my "voice of experience" time there - as someone did that to me and I went along in all innocence/trying to look friendly/etc - and realised I was being checked-over to see if I'd go along with being told what to do re something the other person had already decided on - I wasnt LOL....

seven-day-weekend

JayJay100 wrote: »

That's what the OH says, and to be fair, you could both have a point. I have raised concerns over the will, because I've been shown a single bank statement, which is a current account with a few hundred pounds in it, and that's supposed to be the residue of the estate, which is what I've been left. Given the rest of the will, I'm certain that there will be at least one savings account. On one hand, I'm not bothered about the money, but on the other, I don't like being taken for a fool.



..............

Have you been left some money in a will that involves this branch of the family? If you are indeed the 'residuary legatee' then you should be shown a copy of the will. You can pay to have a copy from the Probate Office if someone is being awkward, or even if they are not (assuming probate has been granted). That's what I did when I was a residuary legatee of an estate. (I was also later sent a copy by the solicitor). Then you can see what the will actually says.

https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

Tabbytabitha

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Have you been left some money in a will that involves this branch of the family? If you are indeed the 'residuary legatee' then you should be shown a copy of the will. You can pay to have a copy from the Probate Office if someone is being awkward, or even if they are not (assuming probate has been granted). That's what I did when I was a residuary legatee of an estate. (I was also later sent a copy by the solicitor). Then you can see what the will actually says.

https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

Although that's obviously true, surely that won't help if there are savings accounts not being declared to her?

seven-day-weekend

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Although that's obviously true, surely that won't help if there are savings accounts not being declared to her?

No it won't but it may give some idea if she has been left a lump sum, or whether she is the sole residuary legatee.

moneyistooshorttomention

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Have you been left some money in a will that involves this branch of the family? If you are indeed the 'residuary legatee' then you should be shown a copy of the will. You can pay to have a copy from the Probate Office if someone is being awkward, or even if they are not (assuming probate has been granted). That's what I did when I was a residuary legatee of an estate. (I was also later sent a copy by the solicitor). Then you can see what the will actually says.

https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

Could very well be the reason she is being "THIS is the arrangement I've already made for us both" - to check out(?) if you'll be a pushover or no.

Think 7 Day Weekend has the same suspicion I do that sister might be trying to see how "easygoing"/cynical nature or otherwise you are - and you might well pick up some clues if there's "summat you're not being told in the Will".

All the more reason to meet her (but on mutually-agreed terms) - so you can check her out too (how straightforward and fair she is on the one hand OR evasive and "greedy" character on the other hand).