Estate agents phrases you love to hate

Mutton_Geoff

I'm in the process of looking for another property and am getting sick of reading the phrase "this beautiful house has been lovingly refurbished and extended by the current owners whilst retaining much of it's original charm".


Makes me want to puke. What phrases do agents use to describe properties that that irritate you?

badger09

"Would benefit from some updating", especially when used to describe a property which needs an inside toilet, central heating, etc:cool:

RedFraggle

"Most unique"

DigForVictory

"benefits from period 60s decor"
Well, that's what the estate agents said & people *did* come to gawk.
(Frankly anaglypta and a vie en puce bathroom were all I needed to yearn to move once I realised I couldn't afford the structural rebuild getting the anaglypta off.)

Someone bought it. Another one even rescued the utterly bizarre interior doors, with which they had fallen in love...

Oh aye & estate agents use photographers who could make a milko after a heavy night look like a 50s film star...

Cakeguts

"Deceptively spacious" which means very small, dark and pokey.

eddddy

Or from a different perspective...

WIPE YOUR FEET ON THE WAY OUT!

The property is full of rubbish, there is mould on the walls and I think there may even be some fleas there to keep me company when I carry out the viewings.

Link: http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-52923247.html

Bedroom 1 - 4.67m x 3.48m (15'4 x 11'5) - Bay window to front. If I wasn't as honest I could describe it as having a skylight but it is actually a hole in the ceiling that goes up to the loft that you can see daylight through.

Bathroom - 2.31m x 1.88m (7'7 x 6'2) - Window to side. This room has a bath, basin and loo but the pigeons have been the only ones using them and it looks like they have been for about 20 years!

Front Garden - Walled to front with a nice collection of weeds.

Link: http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-53112889.html

AlexMac

Call me an old pedant, but...

Mutton_Geoff wrote: »

I'm... sick of...

dodgy grammar

Mutton_Geoff wrote: »

... it's original charm"...

It's "its" not "it's"!

(yes I know that Munn n Jeff ain't quoting verbatim, but I've yet to find an estate agent who doesn't make equally ungrammatical boo-boos.)

Anyway, why do we no longer have agents like the iconic Roy Brooks, who, I think is being plagiarised by the agent quoted by edddy, above, and who in the 1960s, would describe properties accurately as
-"untouched by the 20th century as far as conveniences"

- "Comprises 10 rather unpleasant rooms with slimy back yard, £4,650 Freehold. Tarted up, these houses make £15,000.”

or used such irresistable appeals as "Wanted: Someone with taste, means and a stomach strong enough to buy this erstwhile house of ill-repute in Pimlico"....?

Those were the days...

https://www.mortgagestrategy.co.uk/issues/11-september-2006/remembering-roy-brooks-the-honest-estate-agent/

Dunno why I'm laughing... these are fairly accurate descriptions of the only houses I could afford when house-hunting in pre-uber-cool, ungentrified Brixton in the 1970's...

Oh: I recall why I'm laughing; the one I bought only cost £10 grand, and the Council gave me a 100% mortgage, plus a "Home improvement Grant" towards the absent roof and heating... worth getting on for a million quid nowadays!

moneyistooshorttomention

"Easy to maintain garden" = concrete garden

Anything implying good condition in some parts of the country = well you can manage to live in it whilst you gut it just about and it shouldnt electrocute you or flood you out and there is central heating (in theory). But don't rely on it....

Davesnave

"In a popular location." Where the poor people live and the houses are packed close together.

"Needs some finishing." Vendor, challenged by all aspects of DIY, ran out of dosh. No room is complete and the kitchen is still original 1970s. Viewing of the work done confirms that no one would want him to finish anyway.

"Needs viewing to appreciate the space on offer." It's a thinly disguised church hall conversion or Victorian wreck.

"Off the beaten track," You must own a real 4x4, not a plastic one.

"Sea glimpses." .....If you stand on a chair.

EDIT: Mustn't forget what he said about the one we're in now.....

"They've let it go, a bit." Over 8 years later, we're still trying to get it back! :rotfl:

lincroft1710

A few years an independent agent in a nearby town used the phrase "welcomed to the market" for nearly every property in their newspaper ads.

dancing_star

Davesnave wrote: »

"Sea glimpses." .....If you stand on a chair.

hahaha!

One that I am always (maybe unfairly) worried by is "ideal for investors" ie 'bit of a dump in a crap area'