Hopefully you can help resolve this argument one way or another!

seven-day-weekend

I think you have BOTH moved the goalposts - him by changing his mind about the lodger, you by keeping your third job wages to yourself without consulting him.

How about if you agreed that your third job wages was spending money for you both (if he doesn't spend any, that's up to him), and both of you offering lodgings to someone for six months, which can either be adhered to, or extended, once you have both decided together whether you like the set up or not?

Red-Squirrel_2

Why on earth are you still overpaying? It makes no sense? You overpay when you're flush and can afford it, you don't curtail the rest of your life and work 3 jobs just to overpay your mortgage!

Elinore

because overpaying now will save us a fortune in a year! For an MSE site everyone is being a bit short sighted. Scrimp now and be MUCH better on a much better fixed rate where we reap the benefit - for the next five years.


1 This was the plan all along with no financial hardship because a lodger would have paid it.


2. The above didn't happen, as the Mr. was putting it off, so we made up the difference. with second jobs - therefore meeting all bills and overpayments but with nothing left over.


I fail to see how *I* changed the goal posts


(ps the Mr. has always been supportive - he's a lovely guy and this is one small hiccup in what has always been a fabulous and respectful relationship. none of us are perfect - us included)

Red-Squirrel_2

Elinore wrote: »

because overpaying now will save us a fortune in a year! For an MSE site everyone is being a bit short sighted. Scrimp now and be MUCH better on a much better fixed rate where we reap the benefit - for the next five years.


1 This was the plan all along with no financial hardship because a lodger would have paid it.


2. The above didn't happen, as the Mr. was putting it off, so we made up the difference. with second jobs - therefore meeting all bills and overpayments but with nothing left over.


I fail to see how *I* changed the goal posts


(ps the Mr. has always been supportive - he's a lovely guy and this is one small hiccup in what has always been a fabulous and respectful relationship. none of us are perfect - us included)

Its not worth it, you are working 3 jobs!

MSE isn't just about saving/making the most amount of money humanly possible, its about managing your money to improve your life as much as possible. Is that what's happening for you at the moment? Because it doesn't sound like it!

Yes, he has changed the goalposts a bit, but in a totally reasonable and understandable way that you shouldn't be so angry about. The answer is not for you to work every hour god sends, its to stop paying out unnecessary amounts of money to your mortgage lender!

fairy_lights

Elinore wrote: »

because overpaying now will save us a fortune in a year! For an MSE site everyone is being a bit short sighted. Scrimp now and be MUCH better on a much better fixed rate where we reap the benefit - for the next five years.

So after a year will you be able to drop the extra jobs?
If so, it might just be a case of toughing it out for the year. It sounds like your OH has really gone off the idea of a lodger and as annoyed as you must be, is it worth letting a short-term thing cause a rift?
Were you planning on having a lodger long term anyway, or just until you could get a better mortgage rate?

getmore4less

Elinore wrote: »

Just a quick set of comments – well it started out quick…….

........

Affordability was fine (and didn’t count in the lodger in the purchase)

It was included for other things or you would not be where you are now, get that list out.

........

Overpaying was always on the cards – mutually agreed. However the was going to come from the lodger and therefore not out of our budget.

No lodger no overpayments
.......

Lodger(some/all) money was allocated to overpayments

easy fix.

You need to go back to the original budget and rework without the lodger money.

None of the things that the lodger money was allocated for should get any money till you either get lodger money or rework the budget from scratch.

getmore4less

Elinore wrote: »

because overpaying now will save us a fortune in a year! For an MSE site everyone is being a bit short sighted. Scrimp now and be MUCH better on a much better fixed rate where we reap the benefit - for the next five years.


1 This was the plan all along with no financial hardship because a lodger would have paid it.

2. The above didn't happen, as the Mr. was putting it off, so we made up the difference. with second jobs - therefore meeting all bills and overpayments but with nothing left over.


I fail to see how *I* changed the goal posts


(ps the Mr. has always been supportive - he's a lovely guy and this is one small hiccup in what has always been a fabulous and respectful relationship. none of us are perfect - us included)

Clearly those second jobs have not filled the budget gap as you are the one moaning about not getting hair cuts.

if the money was in the budget for haircuts before why has it gone now if the lodger money has been replaced by second jobs?

edit:
If the lodger money has been replaced then that is not part of the current financial problem there is something else wrong with the original budget.

Pollycat

Elinore wrote: »

because overpaying now will save us a fortune in a year! For an MSE site everyone is being a bit short sighted. Scrimp now and be MUCH better on a much better fixed rate where we reap the benefit - for the next five years.

I think it's you who's being short-sighted.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

MSE isn't just about saving/making the most amount of money humanly possible, its about managing your money to improve your life as much as possible. Is that what's happening for you at the moment? Because it doesn't sound like it!

^^^^ this.

When having your hair cut is causing problems in your relationship, it's time to take a step back and rethink where you are, where you want to be and what's important to you.
Now - not just in the future.

belfastgirl23

Can you find it anywhere in you to put yourself in his shoes? If he were writing the post what would he say? Would he start with the fact that his sister (who he’s clearly close to) is ill and he’s really worried? He’s working 2 jobs and his wife is insisting that he agree to having a lodger in the house in order to overpay the mortgage. He loves her but he just can’t face that and now she’s livid and has taken a third job to make a point. Can you see the story might be different from his point of view?

We are all entitled to change our minds surely?

FBaby

You haven't responded to how you can to agree to have a lodger and this:

Affordability was fine (and didn’t count in the lodger in the purchase)

makes me wonder if indeed, you have a different version of what was agreed.

You say your OH is introverted, so even more reason why he wouldn't want to have a lodger if he could avoid it.

From what you are saying, your situation is not drastic, the problem is not your budget, you just to tighten your belt until you've paid your debts and then will be fine in a year's time when you can change the mortgage.

Saying that, I still think that if you are working similar hours with your main and 2nd job, it is quite fair you should be entitled to spend the income of the 3rd job for yourself if indeed, he is adamant he doesn't want a lodger when you'd be absolutely fine with the idea.