Hopefully you can help resolve this argument one way or another!

badmemory

FBaby wrote: »

I'd agree but it wasn't just a haircut, but also the nails, make-up and clothes on ebay (so not even able to really guess the cost).

So either he pestered OP to tell him how much she spent and she told him or she told him to make a point.

Or he has access to all her accounts!

karcher

I think him withdrawing the money from the joint account was petty, insulting and unreasonable.

OP you only took on the 3rd job so you could pay for your haircut etc yourself so you didn't touch any joint finances. Sorry but he is being an !!!!. He doesn't want a lodger but wants to carry on over paying the mortgage reneging on the original plan whilst pilfering joint money to make up for your extra earnings...:(

Somebody/thing has to give here and in your shoes it wouldn't be me.

Give up the 3rd job..life is too bloody short to work yourself in to the ground just for a little private spending money. Take what you need for the basics from the joint account. If he decides to follow suit then so be it but the over payments will be the sacrifice.

He seems to be having it all his own way atm...that imbalance needs readjusting. Good luck OP x

karcher

How's it going OP?

I'm sure everyone who contributed to and read your thread would like to know how things turn/turned out

unholyangel

LeesArt wrote: »

I agree, daft suggestion.

She should tale ALL her income back, then pay her usual LESS £600 and give up the extra job,

I'm sure earlier you recognised the income from a lodger would be split. Which would mean OP paying £300 less, not £600.

OP, personally I'd start a conversation that you're not willing to overwork to overpay, that they're not willing to have a lodger to give extra income and then suggest you both try to think of other solutions/compromises - only to suggest alternatives initially, going through them later to pro/con them separately then go over what you've both put down. And basically use that process to try and find something that you both might be happy with rather than just trying to push the idea only 1 of you is happy with.

Speaking as someone who used to work 90+ hours a week (not for the money mind you), I realised that if I'm on my deathbed I won't be wishing I'd earned more money - I'll be wishing I had more time to spend with the people who matter to me.

We never know what the future holds - how long we have left. Overpay if you can do so comfortably but don't overstretch yourself so that you're not able to enjoy the things that really matter.

Elinore

An update with a resolution – partly worked out and partly due to external circumstances.

Almost at exactly the same time the SIL suddenly became very unwell, we were away on free holiday at a friend’s cottage and unbeknownst to me there had been a major scheduling error at work (evening job)

Firstly the main issue to all this is the cottage. It is in the middle of nowhere. It was fab we had an epic time – the dog loved it and we were so chilled, it was just great. It’s also in the bottom of a valley so has a really poor signal. It was supposed to have a working land line which we had given the number to family/friends – but it turned out it was dead.

Secondly I was on leave, have an email stating the leave was approved. However the manager who sent the approval didn’t log it and left the role in the meantime. The cover coordinator was livid as for all intents and purposes I just didn’t turn up for a weeks worth of shifts – caused mayhem then was awol and un contactable – she was angry, very very angry that as she believed, at the time, I had just walked out with no notice. Sadly and irrationally she’s not forgiven me for something totally out of my hands and I am currently being ‘punished’ with not being offered hours.

SIL has become unwell – we feel really bad as during this time they were trying to get hold of us at the cottage and we caused unnecessary stress. There was a big meltdown as the family suddenly realised the reality of her illness. There had been a feeling from them all prior to this that they thought she was ‘not that ill’ and a weird vibe from them that it’ll be a few quick rounds of chemo, a drs appointment or two and ‘Bobs your uncle’ and she would be right as rain for the new year. (Yes, I appreciate this is a defence mechanism and I do understand – it just wasn’t really helpful for her)

In light of this a family event has been organised – something along the lines of a wish fulfilment evening for her (now she’s feeling better) this has quite a significant outlay for everyone in the family and the Mr. was just going to take it out of the main account. We had a quite frank and sharp discussion about this and I think he suddenly saw my point that if it was something HE thought was important than it was ok to take money out if I thought it was important it really wasn’t in his eyes and could wait. I don’t think he entirely got why i had been so upset but as the outlay is too big to come from the main account we have both agreed to halt overpayments, The interest rate rise in mortgages has worked against us anyway.

So it kind of fizzled out…….. thankfully.

Pollycat

Sorry to hear about your SIL.

I think this is something that has maybe 'fizzled out' for now but will rear its head in the future.

Are you still overpaying the mortgage?
Is your OH still refusing to have a lodger?

I think your manager is out of order in treating you as she is.
If she wants to be angry at anyone, it should be the person who authorised your leave and didn't record it.
I would be angry back and would be having a word with the manager at her totally unwarranted treatment.
Do you have a HR section?

Elinore

Further Update!

We have a lodger. Ironically after re have remortgaged, rather than when we were struggling with making over payments. We hit to target and as such are at a much better rate as the overpayments did increase the LTV reducing our monthly payment significantly. So in the end it was worth is.... kind of. We both have dropped to just the one job. Whoop whoop! which with this lovely summer weather has been fabulous.

The conversation came about as we now have worn everything to the bone, everything needs refreshing and replacing including somer rather expensive computer gear for the Mr. - he suddenly decided a few weeks ago that a monday/friday person would be ok.

The monday friday gent is lovely as seems to realise that he is getting a absolute bargain so is going out of his way to be the perfect lodger.

SIL recovered - she was very very unwell for quite some time and still has some ongoing issues but now has returned to work and is really living life to the full.

Rosieandjim

You are very lucky to be able to have the space to take on the lodger and have the choice to give up your extra jobs. Life is too short to argue, thanks for the update.

ska_lover

Elinore wrote: »

Further Update!

We have a lodger. Ironically after re have remortgaged, rather than when we were struggling with making over payments. We hit to target and as such are at a much better rate as the overpayments did increase the LTV reducing our monthly payment significantly. So in the end it was worth is.... kind of. We both have dropped to just the one job. Whoop whoop! which with this lovely summer weather has been fabulous.

The conversation came about as we now have worn everything to the bone, everything needs refreshing and replacing including somer rather expensive computer gear for the Mr. - he suddenly decided a few weeks ago that a monday/friday person would be ok.

The monday friday gent is lovely as seems to realise that he is getting a absolute bargain so is going out of his way to be the perfect lodger.

SIL recovered - she was very very unwell for quite some time and still has some ongoing issues but now has returned to work and is really living life to the full.

Fantastic news

hb2

I didn't come to this thread at the time so have been lucky enough to read the problem and resolution in one hit.

I am very glad that things have been resolved, I suspect much of the previous problem was down to you both being worried and exhausted, non of us are at our most rational under those circumstances!

I wish you, your OH and SIL every happiness in the future.